


JoJo's Heated Gaming Moments: Bedrock is Unbreakable

by transhitman



Series: JoJo's Heated Gaming Moments [3]
Category: Minecraft (Video Game), ジョジョの奇妙な冒険 | JoJo no Kimyou na Bouken | JoJo's Bizarre Adventure
Genre: Alternate Universe - No Powers, Fluff and Humor, Foul Language, Light Angst, M/M, Minor Character Death, Slow Burn, Trans Higashikata Josuke (JoJo: Diamond is Unbreakable), Trans Nijimura Okuyasu, also josuke is implied to be autistic because i do whatever i want, also mikitaka is nb but it's not a major plot point, but it's not that graphic i don't think, i can not BELIEVE trans okuyasu isn't a suggested tag i'm so mad, i can't believe i have to fucking tag angst on this, i'm going wild, i'm livid!!!, idiots to lovers, in like the last chapter but not much, it's fine don't worry about it, jsyk this isn't gonna be like ddc, non-euclidian love geometry, there's no overarching plot to save minecraft sadly, tw animal death, tw transphobia, updates might be pretty sporadic tbh
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-30
Updated: 2019-08-27
Packaged: 2020-07-26 02:46:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 40,895
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20036623
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/transhitman/pseuds/transhitman
Summary: From the lunatic who brought you the critically acclaimed fanfic Dorito Dust Crusaders comes the highly anticipated prequel: BEDROCK IS UNBREAKABLE.Josuke never expected to find himself in a love triangle, especially not the one he ended up in. In one corner is The Hand, a man he met on the Minecraft forums and has been building with for almost 2 years. In the other is Okuyasu Nijimura, his long-time semi-rival, who, as it turns out, has a lot more in common with Josuke than they first thought. Will Josuke's sanity survive his bizarre summer? Who will he choose? Why are there rats everywhere? How do you tame a horse in Minecraft? Some of these Questions will be answered, some will not. There's only one way to find out.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> We found MORIOH in Minecraft at 3AM! (Do NOT Attempt!)
> 
> But on a serious note, I honestly don't really like the first 3 chapters of this fic lol. They're kinda slow and and not that funny imo, so consider this a disclaimer if you don't like them.
> 
> Also, I am transmasc and I really hope I don't write like a cis person ;_;

“So what exactly do you have against that Nijimura guy anyway?” The year was 2012, Koichi and Josuke’s last year in high school. The sun sat high in the sky, a light breeze drifted in from the coast, and the plants were absolutely bursting with spring. As was to be expected, it was a beautiful day in the quiet town of Morioh.

Josuke looked down at his short friend, confused. “What kind of question is that? Is it not obvious?”

“Um. Literally not at all.”

Josuke cocked an eyebrow. “Oh come on. You know. It’s like, with the - you know. Delinquents. We’ve just always been rivals. Come on man, you know.”

“Josuke… I do not know.”

“Are you serious, dude? I mean, it’s pretty obvious.”

“You keep saying that, but you still haven’t explained it.” Koichi sighed.

Josuke slowed to a halt. He tapped his chin and thought. He tilted his head, closed his eyes, and chewed on his lip. The realization crept up his spine: he had absolutely no reason to dislike his long-time rival. He literally didn’t even remember why they were rivals, or who started it. He inhaled and tilted his head up, recalling what history he did remember.

Okuyasu moved to Morioh at the start of high school. He was quiet in class, and kept to himself, but the guy could get pretty wild in a confrontation. He had a bit of an itchy trigger finger, sort of like Josuke. In fact, on further reflection, they had quite a bit in common. Similar fashion, similar vibes, similar hairstyles (though Josuke’s was obviously way cooler), they even lived near each other. But for some reason, they weren’t friends. They didn’t hate each other, by any means, but there was an unspoken tension between them.

Josuke knitted his brow and tapped his forehead with his fist. Koichi crossed his arms. “Have you ever gotten into a fight with him?”

“No.”

“Did he antagonize you?”

“Not that I recall.”

“Did he ever insult your hair?”

“I think I would remember if he did something so unforgivable.”

“Then what gives?”

Josuke huffed. “I don’t know! I guess we just don’t like each other.” He was ready to let this conversation go. He was willing to accept that sometimes you just don’t like someone and that’s that. But now something was nagging at him. One thought was on his mind: _ am I the asshole here? _ No. No he couldn’t be. Josuke was rude sometimes, sure, but he didn’t form unjustified grudges. Or, well, at least he didn’t form them for no reason. The reason didn’t have to be good. But still! This was going to bother him! Was it Okuyasu’s fault? Maybe. Maybe the guy was just ornery, but he was respectful to the teachers for the most part and didn’t seem to have a rivalry with anyone else in their class. It was just Josuke. So why him?

“Do you… do you think maybe you should try to make up with him?”

“What? Of course not! There’s got to be some reason I don’t like him!” _ Because if there isn’t, then I’m definitely the asshole here! _ Josuke went back to tapping his chin and looked down at the ground. So, what was he going to do? Either he could try to drop this whole thing, which would be hard to do, or he could figure out why they hated each other. And that would mean getting to know Okuyasu better. It might mean getting into a fight with him, or it might mean being a bit stalkerish and trying to go to the same parties or restaurants or take the same route home as him. 

Or maybe that latter option was too creepy. Yeah, that was a bit much. He wasn’t gonna do that. But he also didn’t really want to get into a fight. He wasn’t afraid of it, but if he was, in fact, the asshole in this situation, he didn’t want to be even more of an asshole. But if he wasn’t going to carry out the above plans, then how would he figure it out? Stare at him during class? People would start to think he had a crush or something. Maybe turn over a new leaf and strike up a friendly conversation? Fuck no! This was a predicament to be sure.

Koichi snapped his fingers in front of Josuke’s face. “Josuke?”

“What?”

“We’re gonna be late if we don’t hurry.”

Josuke begrudgingly resumed his walk. The spring day blurred around him as he thought deep about his plan of action. He was going to find the reason for his ongoing rivalry with Okuyasu, no matter what.

* * *

No progress was made the first day. Josuke returned home with nothing but more schoolwork and a horribly detailed memory of what the back of Okuyasu’s head looked like. He did end up staring at him during class, but his expression was so serious, he doubted anyone could mistake it for the lovestruck stare of an infatuated teen. He might have scared his classmates with the intensity of it. He wasn’t sure. And to make things worse, all the stress and the ordeal of starting a new school year might have gotten Josuke a little sick. He at first thought he was working himself into a headache, but the symptoms of a fever were slowly setting in by the time he got home.

But he could worry about throwing up when he was actually throwing up. It was time for the part of the day that didn’t make him want to smash a window and escape into the sea to become and Innsmouth person. He was finally back at his house. He skillfully jumped out of his shoes (a trick he had been perfecting since grade school), ran to his room, dumped his bag next to his bed, and threw himself into the chair at his computer desk. He enhanced each button press in the startup process with beeps and boops of his own. The computer desktop was arranged in such a way that one icon was highlighted above all else. It sat smack in the middle of the display, folders and other game icons wrapped it at the edges of the screen. And why shouldn’t the game be elevated to the visual apex? It was fun, open, creative, colorful, everything a good game should be in Josuke’s eyes. And more than that, he was decent at it. The learning curve wasn’t steep, unlike so many other games Josuke tried. He’d sunk hours upon hours into it since the classic version, and he would continue to sink hours into it for the foreseeable future. It was a game he loved, a game where he could make things he was proud of, a game where he could get away from everything that troubled him. His problems were punchable, his horizons unlimited, his world perfect.

He clicked on the icon and opened up Minecraft.

Beyond the mechanics and possibilities of the actual game, there was one other thing that kept Josuke coming back to the multiplayer server he’d been playing on for so long. It was something that was, to Josuke, just as perfect as the blocky universe he spent so much time in. He pressed tab and opened up the player list.

And there he was.

Josuke met The Hand on a forum back when Minecraft was still in its infancy. They commented on many of the same threads, liked many of the same posts, and eventually came to recognize each other as someone with mutual taste, but not much more. It remained that way for a while, until their friendship was cemented when they teamed up to verbally eviscerate some loser who thought it was ok to bully eight year olds over the internet. It was then that they realized that they were truly kindred chaotic good delinquent spirits. They messaged back and forth until a cohesive multiplayer was introduced to the game, at which point, they exchanged usernames, agreed on a server, and started building. At this point, they’d been going at it for 2 years, and they still didn’t know each other’s real names.

Josuke smiled when he saw The Hand’s username on the player list. He usually got online first, but today The Hand had beaten him to it. Josuke issued a whisper command and greeted his Minecraft friend.

**CrazyDiamond:** :D hey bro!!!!

**CrazyDiamond:** Happy friday

**TheHand:** CD! What’s new bro?

**CrazyDiamond:** nothing new… same old school.

**TheHand: **:( yeah I feel that

**TheHand:** like you said, TGIF

**CrazyDiamond:** it’s finally here……….

**CrazyDiamond: **on second thought I think I might be coming down with something

**TheHand:** oh no what’s wrong

**CrazyDiamond:** just a little bit of a headache and stuffy nose

**CrazyDiamond:** it’s probably fine

**TheHand:** get well soon bro :(

**TheHand:** are you up for starting the greenhouse?

**CrazyDiamond:** hell yeah man! I have so many plans.

**CrazyDiamond:** an unbelievable amount of plans!

**CrazyDiamond: **been waiting to start all week!!!!

**CrazyDiamond:** you got…… the goods? The stuff?

**TheHand:** oh yeah I got the stuff >:)

**TheHand: **stayed up late last night mining clay and sand and stuff

**TheHand:** burned through at least 10 shovels…….

**TheHand:** if you got the coal we can smelt up these bad boys

**CrazyDiamond: **of course I have the coal what do you take me for???

**TheHand: **well what are you waiting for? Chuck em in the furnace and let’s get going!

Josuke made his way out of his house and into the small city he and The Hand had created over the past 2 years. They’d chosen their location carefully, and gotten lucky while wandering. Their town sat on the border between three biomes, with a river running through the middle. Josuke’s house was on the bank of the river and within the borders of a plains biome. It was surrounded with transported flowers, oak, and birch trees. It was simple, but not crude, just a couple boxes glued together with a nice stone brick stair roof and a log frame. He was considering expanding on it with an upper story, but the greenhouse came first. The plains portion also contained their farms (of which there were many), a decorative well, a cute cobblestone gazebo, and a few other miscellaneous decorative buildings. 

Clockwise to the plains, on the same side of the river, was a jungle biome where The Hand’s house lay. It was much more hectic than Josuke’s. It wasn’t quite ugly, but very little planning had gone into it. A large area of trees was cleared around it, and it spiraled upwards on stilts made of fences. It was asymmetrical, but not unbalanced. Its height made it look biblical, but the patchwork blocks and whimsical trim made it seem like something out of a Dr. Seuss book. The only functional build the jungle portion contained was the decorated entrance to the mines and the rest of the underground portion of the city. They had ended up settling right on top of an abandoned mineshaft, and had expanded the tunnels of the generated structure into a sprawling network. Most of their builds were underground, and now they were trying to spruce up the facade of their city.

After grabbing the coal and exiting his house, Josuke walked down the stone and cobble path and crossed the bridge that spanned the river to the final section of their town. The industrial district found its home in a desert biome. There, they kept their mob farms, smelting house, mass storage, and other builds of the mass production type. Josuke entered the smelting house, replenished the coal in the many furnaces, and waited for The Hand to arrive with the sand.

**TheHand:** hey can you start flattening the area we’re gonna build in while I get all the glass?

**TheHand: **I was thinking maybe we could make it long and put it between the jungle and the plains.

**CrazyDiamond: **oh that is so good. You are so smart.

**TheHand: **aw :)

**TheHand:** no you

**CrazyDiamond:** no you <3

**CrazyDiamond:** I think I’m gonna put some flowing water in there. Also some glowstone

**TheHand:** you should put in a spot for netherwart

**CrazyDiamond:** YEAH. Do you have soul sand?

**TheHand:** lemme check

While The Hand was checking the status of his extradimensional blocks, Josuke munched on a pork chop and headed back to the more verdant section of town to pick out a good spot to put the greenhouse. He could see The Hand’s nametag through the wall of his house, high up in the tower where he kept his chests.

**CrazyDiamond:** how’s it look?

**TheHand:** not great :( I’ll check the chesthouse

The Hand’s nametag started moving down through his maze of a home. At about the third story, the man jumped out of a window and landed on the ground with a crunch. Josuke had never really been sure of what his skin was supposed to be. It was blue and white with gold highlights, and looked like a baseball robot with blinders on. The weird blocky man bopped Josuke with a raw fish before sprinting to the storage area. Josuke grinned and got to work.

They got as far as laying out the frame of the place before Josuke’s mom got home and demanded he do at least some of his homework before screwing around online for hours straight. Josuke stood back and looked at the stone brick frame one last time before bidding farewell to his friend and logging off. He slapped the empty water bottles off his desk and put his books down, but found that his headache had worsened. He really was coming down with it, whatever “it” was. He couldn’t focus. He couldn’t do math with all that slime sloshing around his sinuses. What, did his teachers think he was literate or something? He moved his eyes across the page and decoded the words, but didn’t register any kind of meaning.

Whatever. He went to bed.

* * *

The next morning, Josuke wasn’t well enough to do much of anything aside from homework, but by the time the sun was down, he was once again ready to rock and roll. Nausea still lingered in his guts, but it wasn’t going to stop him from going both crazy and stupid. He would just have to be a little more cautious to not get other people sick that night.

You see, Hazamada was having a little party. It was supposed to be decent sized, but invitation only in order to keep everything from getting out of control. There were two flaws with that plan: everyone fucking hated Hazamada, and high schoolers are horrible, horrible people. So as soon as word got out that there would be a party at the house of the kid that 90% of the school hated, everyone unanimously agreed to crash and trash the place. And hey. Maybe Josuke could strategically spread his disease to that creepy little manlet, assuming he was still contagious.

Josuke put the finishing touches on his hair. He gave his reflection a once over in the bathroom mirror. He didn’t often change out of his school uniform, but tonight he decided to shake it up. His outfit consisted of purple sneakers with tall white socks, khaki capris, and a bright blue polo with gold pins. He topped off the excellent look with an armful of his best silly bandz. Fashion really did peak in 2012.

Josuke brushed off his shirt, tested his hair for strength, and turned to the side. He pulled his shirt back, taut against his chest. He deliberated for a moment. It wasn’t his usual outfit, so there was the possibility of some suspicious shapes popping through. But Josuke was a pro by now, stealth enough that he could give a cuttlefish a run for its money. All was right, Josuke decided, and he looked slick as fuck.

And with a quick finger gun to his reflection and a word to his mom, he was out the door and ready to torment the school’s most hated man.

Koichi was already there when Josuke arrived. He came at the behest of Yukako, and was positioned politely in a corner with her while the rest of the teens made a mess of the place. They had probably been invited. Josuke had to admit, he was impressed with Koichi’s capacity for forgiveness. Hazamada had never been nice to him, but Koichi was one of the few people who could actually stand being around him. He was sort of the radiation shielding for the rest of the school, keeping Hazamada in check at a cost to his own health. Yukako had been pretty apeshit when they first met as well. She’d had a pretty rancid fling with Koichi freshman year, but they were just friends now, and she was apparently working through some mental health stuff. Good on her, but Josuke still wasn’t sure how much he liked her, so he avoided Koichi’s corner and started on a mission for a non-alcoholic drink. It didn’t seem like much of a task, but the party crashers had long since replaced the cooler of soda cans with beer and other such unsavory beverages. Josuke eventually managed to cross the sea of bodies and locate the original cooler, which was shoved behind the couch. He stretched to reach it, his face pressed against the wall and vibrating as the blaring music shot through the building.

_ So we back in the club _

_ With our bodies rockin' from side to side _

_ Side to side_

The tune was familiar, and it made Josuke pause as he was wedged between the furniture and wall. Something was off about it. The lyrics didn’t sound quite the same.

_ Thank God the week is done _

_ I feel like a zombie goin' back to life _

_ Back to life _

It then clicked, and he berated himself for being so stupid. For some reason, he thought the Minecraft version of this song was the original. Maybe he needed to take a break from gaming.

_ Hands up, and suddenly we all got our hands up _

_ No control of my body _

With his crisis resolved, Josuke finally reached the edge of the cooler and pulled it close enough to grab a can out of it. He didn’t see what he got until he finally struggled his way out of the couch crevice.

_ Ain't I seen you before? _

_ I think I remember those eyes, eyes, eyes _

The moment he looked back toward the crowd, as if the music was narrating, Josuke locked eyes with the person who’d been lurking in the back of his mind for the last 12 hours.

It was only for a moment, and then Okuyasu looked away, and the window through the crowd closed. The short synchronicity of the song shattered. Josuke opened his can and took a sip. Cherry cola. At least Hazamada had good taste in drinks.

Josuke tried not to look at him. He really did. But every so often he would catch a glimpse of Okuyasu from across the room. The guy looked out of place, maybe even a bit stressed. _ If you don’t want to be here _ , Josuke thought, _ then leave. _ No, no that was mean. He shouldn’t be mean. He didn’t really know why his rival’s presence set him off so much. Okuyasu was minding his own business, and Josuke was minding his. But what business did Okuyasu have being out here, looking so handsome-

_ Woah now. Hold the fuck on. _ Josuke double checked that he hadn’t accidentally taken a beer. Nope. Still soda. That thought came out of his normal brain all by itself. Not that his normal brain was overly reliable, especially now that his fever was resurfacing. His thoughts had a habbit of popping in and out of existence pretty unpredicatbaly, but what the fuck was _ that _? There was no way he actually had a crush on this guy. No way. Perhaps, then, it was a clue to Josuke’s self-imposed puzzle. Maybe, just maybe, it was jealousy.

Yup! That was it! Josuke was jealous, and that was that. Honestly, it made sense. They were two very similar people, so obviously Josuke was angry that Okuyasu was trying to jack his style. Even though he knew he was way cooler, Okuyasu’s hair, his fashion, his good looks, it all made Josuke green with envy. Envy and nothing more, no need to involve another of the seven sins. No need to think any harder about it.

So if that was the case, to resolve this rivalry, all Josuke had to do was make sure Okuyasu knew that Josuke was the cooler one. And that would be beyond easy, seeing as Josuke was already the coolest kid in the entire school. He looked around the room, which was practically a mosh pit at this point. The music had gotten even louder, and someone had brought out a relic of a strobe light. On the edge of the room, Hazamada was squeezing through the crowd and trying to minimize damage to no avail. And most importantly, Okuyasu was finally trying to let loose and dance.

Josuke had to say, he wasn’t half bad. Once he actually got into it, he seemed right at home in the sea of bodies. Josuke grinned. He threw back the rest of his soda and squished the can between his hands, tossing it to the floor as the next song started up.

_ PARTY ROCK! WHOO! _

Josuke pushed down the resurgence of nausea and shimmied his way onto the dance floor. He put everything he had into his dance. Quite a few people had memorized the choreography from the music video, but no one was pulling it off with as much style as Josuke. He added little personal flares into the gaps between moves, and kept up the energy long past the point where others overheated and chilled out. He was definitely going to puke later that night.

But right now, he and Okuyasu were mere feet apart, and Josuke wasn’t about to back down. Okuyasu was matching Josuke’s energy. They locked eyes again. Okuyasu raised his eyebrows. Josuke smirked and gestured for the people around him to make some room. His dance moves turned into something more like an acrobatics display as he busted out steps that would have only seemed possible in zero gravity.

The people who’d stopped to watch him let out a collective “OOOHHH!!!”, and Josuke pointed at Okuyasu. He gestured him into the circle. Okuyasu looked around, then pointed at himself with a questioning look and a wide-eyed blink. Josuke nodded. Okuyasu hesitated, but someone pushed him from behind and he stumbled into the small gap in the crowd. He took a deep breath, straightened out his hair, and accepted Josuke’s challenge. 

His solo was equally as impressive as Josuke’s. He didn’t pull off physics-defying moves, rather, he skillfully maneuvered his body around itself, making Josuke’s brain short-circuit trying to figure out how he was moving like that. The small group around them once again “OOOHHH!!!”ed at the display, and it was Okuyasu’s turn to grin. Josuke’s stomach flipped with nausea. He grimaced, but pushed it down. It might have read as an angry look, but Josuke didn’t observe his rival long enough to figure out if it did before he was retaliating with more sick dance moves.

And so it continued.

By the time the next song ended, the crowd had once again filled in, and there was no clear winner. They had long since lost sight of each other, and Josuke’s fever was making him dizzy. He squirmed through the crowd and into the kitchen, where the partygoers were slightly less feral. He leaned on the counter and caught his breath. He’d sweat clean through his undersized sports bra as well as his shirt, so much so that stains were visible. He pumped the front of his shirt in an effort to circulate air through it. Though it was working to cool him down, the nausea was just getting worse. His head pounded, and the hand that wasn’t pumping his shirt was shaking slightly. He wasn’t going to be able to push it down any more.

Josuke wormed his way through the halls of the house in search of a bathroom until he bumped into Hazamada.

“Bathroom. Quick,” he said.

Hazamada glared up at him. “You’re not supposed to be here! Go ahead and shit yourself!”

“I’ll throw up on you! All over you!” Josuke lurched forward threateningly, and actually almost did throw up. Hazamada shrieked and backed into the wall.

“Down the hall to the left! And there’s one upstairs if that one’s occupied!”

Josuke rushed down the hall to the specified door. He furiously jiggled the knob. It was locked. He swore under his breath and sprinted to the stairs. He took them on all fours for speed. The upper floor was far less occupied, mostly home to couples making out in the relative calm. Josuke grabbed a random person’s shoulder.

“Bathroom.”

The guy he grabbed turned around, seething at the interruption to his makeout session. “Dude, what the fuck?” But when he noticed how pale Josuke had gone, and the way he was shivering despite being drenched in sweat, he cut him a break and pointed down the hall. “First door around the corner.”

“Thanks,” Josuke said breathlessly, then continued to sprint through the house. He finally reached the bathroom door and burst through. Someone was already there, leaning against the sink, but Josuke didn’t see who it was before he collided with them and knocked them into the wall. He disregarded it. He could apologize after he lost his lunch. He threw open the toilet lid and spilled his stomach into it.

Once he regained control of his feverish body, he steadied himself on the edge of the sink and turned to apologize to the person he’d knocked flat. But once he saw who it was, his brain started buffering, trying to process the implications of the scene.

The person he’d barged in on was none other than Okuyasu. The man was lying sprawled in the tub and tangled up in the shower curtain. He held his shirt against his bare chest in a death grip, staring at Josuke in shock, Josuke stared back. It was like a scene right out of a shitty harem anime, except it was real, and Josuke was already starting to get crushed by the weight of guilt. Because Josuke’s mind had finally stopped buffering, and he realized that no one in the bathroom was cis.

“Get the fuck out.” Okuyasu’s expression was slowly changing to one of anger. Josuke was having a hard time processing the command. He just stood there like a fool trying to stutter an apology. Okuyasu repeated himself, louder. “I said, get the fuck out!”

Josuke didn’t need to be told a third time. He scrambled out the door and slammed it shut behind him. He shivered with the fever. He couldn’t tell if the bad taste in his mouth was from the vomit, or from the grief he had just caused his rival. He wiped the sweat from his face and slowly walked through the muffled music and back towards the stairs.

He was definitely an asshole.


	2. Chapter 2

Josuke had all of Sunday to stew over what happened, and he came to the conclusion that it would be best to throw out his pride and just apologize. No more convoluted plots to work around social conventions, no more dance offs to assert dominance. For once, Josuke was going to act normal. He didn’t really know how to do all that, but he’d be damned if he didn’t try. Though he wanted to ask for advice, his mom, supportive as she was, still sort of fumbled with the nuances of gender. He considered coming out to The Hand and asking him for advice since he trusted the guy with his life, but again, the nuance might be lost on him. And anyway, he wasn’t online that Sunday, so Josuke couldn’t ask even if he wanted to. So he decided to just wing it on Monday and see what happened. Really, it couldn’t be worse than what happened at the party.

Josuke also had time to speculate as to what had put Okuyasu in that situation in the first place. He suspected that the whole dance competition, the competition he had initiated, had exhausted Okuyasu, that he had been unable to catch his breath from binding too long, and he had retreated to the upstairs bathroom to give himself a break. That’s what Josuke assumed anyway. He himself had never had a problem with binding. He was lucky enough to be able to get away with an undersized sports bra and oversized shirt with pretty much no trouble. Even with his luck in the genetic lottery, staying on the DL was hard to do. If someone had walked in on him like he did to Okuyasu, he didn’t know how he would have handled it. He probably would have cried. He probably made Okuyasu cry. Fuck, wow, that was not a good feeling. In fact, it was a bad one. He needed to apologize as soon as he could. Monday couldn’t come fast enough.

He didn’t actually get a chance to talk to Okuyasu until school got out, at which point, Josuke ditched Koichi and hurried to catch up with his rival, who was clearly trying to avoid any possible interaction with him. Okuyasu glanced back when he heard Josuke’s footsteps on the pavement. He picked up the pace, trying to be as inconspicuous as possible. Josuke broke into a full speed walk. Okuyasu responded by breaking into a jog.

Josuke matched his pace. “Hey!” He called after Okuyasu, who was approaching a sprint. “Hey hold on, I just wanna talk!”

“Please go away!” Though he phrased it politely, his tone was less than friendly.

“I want to apologize!” Okuyasu slowed to a stop. Josuke took a few more steps toward him and followed suit. “I didn’t mean to barge in like that. I’m really sorry and if there’s some way I can make it up to you…”

He stood, apprehensive, and watched as Okuyasu took a deep breath in. He turned to Josuke, expression tight, shoulders stiff, and closed the gap between them. “If you tell anyone,” he said, jabbing a finger into Josuke’s face, “I’ll kick your ass so hard your liver’s gonna make contact with your brain.”

Josuke frowned and pushed Okuyasu’s hand away from his face. “What? Dude, of course not. I wouldn’t out you like that. I’m in the same boat.” At that, Okuyasu’s eyebrows shot up, then crashed back down in confusion. He stepped back and looked Josuke up and down, then looked around to see if anyone was within earshot.

“Are you fucking with me?”

Josuke scoffed. “Oh come on. If I wanted to fuck with you I could come up with a thousand things better than lying about what’s on my birth certificate.” Okuyasu stepped back and crossed his arms. The crease in his brow deepened and he frowned in thought. Josuke continued. “But besides that, you should be more careful. You could seriously hurt yourself.”

Okuyasu rolled his eyes. “I know. It was a long day.” It seemed Josuke had assumed right about the sequence of events.

Birdsong started up somewhere in the distance. Okuyasu rocked slightly on the balls of his feet, refusing eye contact. Josuke scratched his cheek and shoved his hands into his pockets. “Anyway…” He looked up at the sky. It was cloudy, threatening to hatch a storm. “That’s all I had to say, I guess. I’m… gonna head home now.” Okuyasu didn’t respond. Josuke pursed his lips and skirted around him on the sidewalk. “See you later.” Josuke was well down the block when he heard Okuyasu call out to him. 

“Why?”

Josuke turned. “Why what?”

Okuyasu sighed and ran to catch up. “I mean why tell me? You coulda just apologized and left. Why would you trust me of all people to keep my mouth shut?”

Josuke shrugged. “Dunno. I guess… you're really the only other trans person I know. I wanna put faith in  _ somebody _ , and I guess you're just...” He shrugged again. "I respect you?" Oof. None of that was remotely accurate, but Josuke was far too panicked to articulate what he really felt. His guts were tying themselves in such a knot he was afraid his liver really would make contact with his brain.

Okuyasu drew back a bit and glanced away. “Well, um.” He fidgeted with a button on his jacket. “Thanks? I guess.” He seemed relieved. His posture had lost its rigidity and his face looked far softer. And... did Josuke see a hit of blush? Okuyasu looked back up at him with a nervous, and sort of ugly, fake smile, then power walked past him. “See you later man.” He seemed almost dazed. Maybe he expected a fight? It’d happened to Josuke before; building up something horrible in your head and not knowing what to do when that whole idea crumbles. He watched Okuyasu walk down the street, then turned to walk the other direction. Josuke didn’t know what he expected, but all things considered, this had gone pretty well. He nodded to himself. Yup. He sure did do it. He sure did apologize to his rival. Maybe Koichi had been right all along.

Then he remembered he and Okuyasu lived in the same neighborhood and did another 180. He thanked the stars that Okuyasu was out of awkward walking range. Or maybe it was just that the tension between them was dissipating. Who knows? Maybe next time they could even walk home together.

* * *

**TheHand:** oi

**TheHand:** CD

**TheHand:** care to explain this?

Josuke's world was barely done rendering before The Hand whispered at him. When he had logged out last, he had been down in the mine, and that’s where he was when he logged back in. Nothing had changed, and that worried him. What was going on topside?

**CrazyDiamond: **what do you mean dude

**TheHand:** what do you mean what do I mean

**TheHand:** come up here and find out

So Josuke started his ascent from y level 12, dropping his cobble clogged inventory in the chests they’d placed in the mines for convenience. He emerged from the caves and headed in the direction of The Hand’s name tag. He was standing in the plains biome, behind their animal farms. Josuke sprint-jumped down the gravel path, and when he reached the other side of their stables, he saw something he didn’t expect in a million years.

Just outside of he and The Hand’s property was a shack. It was a beginner’s house, only three blocks tall with all wood planks, a flat roof, and no detail at all. Josuke looked down and tried to break a block of dirt, but found that he didn’t have permission. Ugly as the thing was, its creator at least knew how to claim territory.

**TheHand:** the hell is this?

**CrazyDiamond: **I don’t know…..

**CrazyDiamond: **it wasn’t here when I logged out

**TheHand:** so you didn’t build it :/

**CrazyDiamond:** no

**CrazyDiamond: **wtf it’s so ugly why would you think that

**TheHand:** lol it is

**CrazyDiamond:** I’m hurt :(

**CrazyDiamond: **this thing shouldn’t be within 200 chunks of my house

**TheHand: **it shouldn’t be in the range of my vision

**TheHand:** ew I can see it from my house am I gonna have to turn down my render distance?

**CrazyDiamond: **ABOMINATION.

**CrazyDiamond:** CRIME AGAINST GOD.

**CrazyDiamond: **ugh where does this jerk’s property end?

Josuke began to knock out dirt blocks in a line away from the house to try and test the property line. Each time he tried, the block just came back and the server notified Josuke that he didn’t have permission to build.

**TheHand:** this noob has some nerve claiming property so close to ours……

**TheHand:** two years we work on this place

**TheHand: **TWO YEARS!!!1!!1

**TheHand:** and now this joker thinks they can just put an ugly brown block on our front lawn???

**TheHand:** ohhh I am livid

Finally, ten blocks away from the property border of their town, Josuke managed to permanently destroy a block. Ten fucking blocks? They had the entire entire 32-bit integer and the distance between their houses was ten? Alright. If this asshole wanted to play it that way…

**CrazyDiamond: **lets spawncamp this dweeb

**TheHand:** when do you think they’ll be back on?

**CrazyDiamond: **idk but I’m gonna stand here and keep watch and if they come out of that house I will kill them

**TheHand: **haha you’re wild XD

**TheHand:** but seriously

**TheHand: **I’m gonna need help with the greenhouse you can’t stand there and watch that shack forever

Josuke didn’t reply. He was too busy standing there and watching the shack.

**TheHand: **bro seriously

**TheHand: **BRO COME ON

**CrazyDiamond: **NO I WANNA SEE THIS PUNK I WANNA FACE THEM DOWN

**CrazyDiamond: **THIS SORRY EXCUSE FOR A HOUSE IS AN INSULT TO MY BIOME

**CrazyDiamond: **I will not stand for this tom foolery >:(

**TheHand:** </3

**TheHand: **shunned by his friends…..

**TheHand: **abandoned by his loved ones……

**TheHand:** YOU ARE TEARING ME APART CD

**CrazyDiamond: **fine

**CrazyDiamond: **whatever >:(

**CrazyDiamond: **only because you’re my bro

**TheHand:** :D

Josuke punched the air and walked back toward their territory. Watching the house wasn’t necessary. They could just keep an eye on the server announcements to see if someone logged in. The person who made the house might not even spawn inside it anyway.

So Josuke and The Hand continued their work on the greenhouse. The glass was placed delicately, the stone half-slabs arranged into shelves, and the ground slightly inclined to facilitate the water running along the walls. Josuke took a look around.

**CrazyDiamond: **do you think we should grow full trees in here?

**TheHand:** that would be cool but we could probably make better custom trees

**TheHand:** maybe put them on the outside?

**CrazyDiamond: **idk I kinda like the idea of indoor trees

**TheHand:** let’s try it then

**TheHand:** we can always change it later

**Harvest joined the game**

**CrazyDiamond: **ARE YOU THE BASTARD???

**TheHand: **YOU.

Josuke and The Hand both sprinted out of their greenhouse, and sure enough, a nametag was visible through the wall of the shitty hovel. Josuke physically screamed at his screen.

“YOU!!!” He drew his sword as they crossed the threshold into enemy territory. He needed blood and by god he would have it.

**Harvest:** oh hai :D

**Harvest:** are you guys my neighbors?

**Harvest:** howdy haha

**Harvest:** i love all the stuff you made its so cool!!!

**TheHand:** CAN IT PUNK YOU’RE ABOUT TO GET THROTTLED TO THE FARLANDS AND BACK

Josuke stopped dead in his tracks and hastily issued a whisper to The Hand.

**CrazyDiamond: **Woah bro chill out a second

**CrazyDiamond: **I think they’re a kid

**TheHand: **WHO GIVES A SHIT THey’re steppin on our territory

**CrazyDiamond: **these hands may be rated e for everyone but that doesn’t mean they should be our first course of action :/

**CrazyDiamond:** ya dick

**TheHand:** D:

**TheHand:** but what about your biome???

**CrazyDiamond: **it was a sleight on my honor….. but I’ll forgive this transgression

**CrazyDiamond: **once.

The kid exited their house and started crouching at them. They wore no armor, and their skin was clearly home-made. It was gold with purple stripes, and kind of reminded Josuke of a mosquito.

**Harvest:** uh…. you guys ok?

**CrazyDiamond: **just discussing something :/

**CrazyDiamond: **give us a moment kid

**Harvest:** im not a kid im 14 >:(

Josuke switched back to whispering, and a wretched idea crept into his brain.

**TheHand: **SEE! they’re 14 entire years old they’re fair game for online murder

**CrazyDiamond: **NO D:<

**CrazyDiamond:** have some ethics dumbass!

**CrazyDiamond:** they technically didn’t do anything wrong

**TheHand:** wrong????

**TheHand:** CD. look at that fucking house

**TheHand:** look at it

**TheHand:** either god is not all powerful or he is evil and idk which option is worse

**CrazyDiamond:** vigilante justice is a valid form of justice but running this kid off the server would just be mean

**TheHand:** >:(

**CrazyDiamond: **how about this

**CrazyDiamond:** hear me out my friend

**CrazyDiamond: **my friend. my pal. my comrade. my lover.

**TheHand: **LOVER???

**CrazyDiamond: **haha

**CrazyDiamond: **;)

**TheHand:** O_O

**CrazyDiamond: **lol I’m kidding

**TheHand:** haha yeah I knew that...

**CrazyDiamond: **but I do have an idea

**CrazyDiamond: **we can make this clown pay us to live in our town

**CrazyDiamond: **we could definitely use some resources after smelting all that sand…

**TheHand:** child labor…...

**TheHand:** CD…. oh you devil :)

**CrazyDiamond: **of course we would compensate fairly

**CrazyDiamond: **protection and help and food for a share of iron

**CrazyDiamond: **and maybe some building tips……..

**TheHand: **definitely that

Josuke punched The Hand and turned to Harvest, dropping the whisper.

**CrazyDiamond: **alright kid

**CrazyDiamond: **here’s the dealio

**Harvest: **:O

**CrazyDiamond: **you set up awfully close to our town

**CrazyDiamond:** we’ve spent a lot of time making this place to a very specific standard of beauty

**CrazyDiamond:** and I’m afraid your house doesn’t really match the style we’ve worked so hard on

**TheHand:** U_U it was a good attempt

**Harvest: **:(

**Harvest:** are you kicking me out? :(

**CrazyDiamond:** not at all man!

**CrazyDiamond:** but we would both prefer that if you decide to stay here that you contribute to the town we made with some resource payments

**Harvest:** but im not really living in your guys town…….

**CrazyDiamond:** ok but think of it this way

**CrazyDiamond:** you’ve set up in a place where you can get easy protection and resources

**CrazyDiamond: **if you need things from us you can ask

**TheHand:** with limits :/

**CrazyDiamond:** of course

**CrazyDiamond:** with limits.

**CrazyDiamond:** plus you have a really nice backdrop for all your builds

**TheHand: **optimal placement

**TheHand:** triple biome threat

**TheHand: **location location location as they say

**CrazyDiamond:** and if me and TH want to expand the town around your house… well

**TheHand:** you aren’t in the town now but you might be then :/

**Harvest:** idk… i dont see why i should pay to live outside your town……..

**Harvest:** isnt that a little bit capitalistic? :(

**CrazyDiamond:** aren’t you a little young to resist the bourgeoisie?

**TheHand:** well if ya ain’t payin don’t come running to us when creepers blow your shit up

**CrazyDiamond: **don’t come running to us when you’re starving to death

**TheHand:** don’t ask us for tips to make your house prettier

**Harvest:** D: but I wanna build cool stuff like you guys!!!

**CrazyDiamond:** well then…

**TheHand:** pay up dumbass!

Josuke give The Hand a whack with his enchanted sword, setting him on fire.

**CrazyDiamond:** ignore him he’s being a jackass :/

**TheHand:** D:<

Harvest looked down. They stood still for a minute, then went back into their house.

**TheHand:** THEY’RE MAKING A BREAK FOR IT

**TheHand:** should we kill em now?

Josuke was about to agree to let The Hand kill this kid, when Harvest returned and dumped two stacks of iron at their feet. One popped into Josuke’s hotbar, the other was drawn towards The Hand. Josuke stared at the stack for a second. 64. A full stack. And he assumed The Hand had received an equal amount. How the fuck could this kid afford to blow two whole stacks of iron right out the gate?

**Harvest: **is this good?

**Harvest:** :)

**TheHand:** HOLY SMOKES

**TheHand: **FAT STACKS

**CrazyDiamond:** yooooooo

**CrazyDiamond: **ok kid

**CrazyDiamond:** can you keep this kind of payment up?

**Harvest:** it wasnt that hard to get!

**Harvest: **i can make a lot of iron!

**Harvest:** i got farms and stuff!

An iron farm? Not possible as far a Josuke knew, unless it was a new invention or just some kind of complex system he didn’t know about. But who cares! This kid was loaded!

**TheHand:** YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

**TheHand:** THIS RUUUUUUUUULES!!!!!

**TheHand:** dude you rule

**Harvest: **:D

**Harvest:** does that mean were friends now?

**CrazyDiamond:** best friends!!!!

Harvest went crazy on the shift button and space bar, and Josuke couldn’t help but laugh. This kid was wild! Not only would he and The Hand get some free resources, their new neighbor wasn’t half as annoying as Josuke expected.

**TheHand:** alright bro

**TheHand:** let’s fix that shitass house


	3. Chapter 3

It had rained, and it had rained, and it had rained. So much so that Josuke’s house had threatened to flood at around 3AM. So for him, it was an early, and very stressful morning that consisted of helping his mom make sure water didn't leak in. By the time it stopped raining, it was far too late for Josuke to get any meaningful sleep before school started, so he headed out the door running on a wing, a cup of coffee, and a prayer.

Though he dozed off in class multiple times, when it was time to head home, he was still bone tired and about ready to pass out on his feet. There would be no Minecraft for him today, probably not much of anything today. The only thing he could think about was how grey the sky was, and how soft and cozy and warm his bed would be.

Worms writhed on the sidewalk, soggy and deformed with the rain. Josuke kept his eyes to the ground and did his damndest to step around them, adverse to both the wet creatures themselves and the idea of getting his shoes dirty with invertebrate slop. Around the halfway point between his house and the school, he passed by an open lot. Usually home to overgrown grass and weeds, today it was inhabited by a human man named Okuyasu who stood over the rain matted plants with his jacket slung over his shoulder.

“Hey, Josuke!” Okuyasu called out. Josuke turned his attention away from the worms and looked up. Okuyasu pointed down at something Josuke couldn’t see. “Dude, come check this shit out.”

Josuke pursed his lips and deliberated a second, then crossed the road to the lot, still trying his damnedest to avoid worms. He carefully squished through the mud. Each step made him shrivel up a little. He should have worn different shoes.

He reached Okuyasu’s side and looked down at what he was pointing at. He scrunched his nose and let out a tight sigh. “A puddle?”

“Yeah.” Okuyasu looked down at it blankly, irises black as the dirty water. It was barely two feet across and shaped like, well, a puddle. Waves of water battered the sidewalk as a car passed by. Josuke looked at Okuyasu, then down at the puddle and put his hands in his pockets.

“Yeah. That’s a puddle alright.” Maybe… maybe this was why Josuke had disliked the guy.

Okuyasu nodded. Then he placed his jacket on top of his bag, raised his arms to the side in a t-pose position, and stepped forward. Water shot up around him, splattering on Josuke’s pants. He plummeted into the puddle, only stopping his descent when his outstretched arms collided with the ground. Mud engulfed his arms and flecks of the stuff splashed across his face. Josuke took a startled step backwards. Okuyasu looked up at him with delight.

“Holy shit!” Josuke crouched down to get a closer look. “You’re standing up straight?”

“Eyup.” Okuyasu repositioned himself so his arms were in front of him. He leaned against the edge of the hole with his face propped up in his hands. “My feet aren’t even touching the bottom.”

“No fucking way.”

“You can hop in if you want. See for yourself.”

Josuke laughed. “Absolutely not! That’s disgusting! There’s probably worms and litter and stuff in there. Chemicals.”

Okuyasu frowned as the concept of worm water took root, and started to try and lift himself from the hole. He slipped around and tore up muddy grass for a while, and Josuke just stood there and let him struggle. Eventually, Okuyasu looked up at him pleadingly, and Josuke offered a hand. Okuyasu took it in a sopping grip and managed to struggle free. He stood there, soaked through up to his shoulders. Each footstep produced a comically loud slap as he made his way to the sidewalk.

Josuke wheezed at the sight of such sogginess. It wasn’t the funniest thing he’d ever seen, but the surprise of it combined with his complete exhaustion was driving him to the brink. “What in the hell possessed you to do that, dude?”

Okuyasu squeezed out the front of his shirt. “Sometimes you just have those days where you gotta jump into a hugeass puddle.” He slipped off a shoe and dumped the water out onto the sidewalk.

“Speak for yourself. That was so stupid.”

“Yeah, but did you think it was funny?"

Josuke shook his head and shrugged in resignation. “I guess I did. Fine. You got me.”

Okuyasu balanced on one leg and squeezed out his sock. “Did you think it was cool?”

“You or the puddle?”

“The puddle, dipshit.”

“Well I don’t know if a deep hole in an empty lot counts as cool, but it was a neat little illusion.”

Okuyasu donned his squeezed sock and started on the other one. “Man, I wonder how deep that hole actually goes…” he looked back at the hole. “Ah shit. I left my stuff over there.”

Josuke, absolutely delighted after having the privilege to witness such a scene, disregarded the mud and started walking over to Okuyasu’s bag and jacket. “Fuck it. I got it.” Behind him, Okuyasu struggled to keep his bare foot off the wormy concrete.

Josuke leaned down to pick up Okuyasu’s belongings, and while he did, he tried to get a better look at the puddle. The grey sky did little to illuminate it, and it swirled with mud kicked up from Okuyasu’s intrusion. Josuke’s reflection was stark against the dark surface. He hesitantly rolled up a sleeve and stuck his hand in. The floating mud swirled up through his fingers. He watched it plume towards the surface, and then settle onto the back of his hand like a fine dusting of brown sugar. The sounds of Okuyasu’s very wet struggle continued out of view, and the mud settled further and further down into the puddle. Josuke removed his hand and flung droplets off his fingertips. He was about to leave when something in the water caught his eye.

It was smooth and pale and imbedded in the side of the hole about a foot below the water’s surface. Josuke tilted his head. Was his tired mind playing tricks on him? Surely he should have noticed it when he first looked at the hole. Okuyasu’s struggle must have excavated it, whatever it was. Josuke rolled up his other sleeve and carefully leaned over the hole. Dirt burst into clouds around his fingertips as he plunged them into the earth. The loose dirt obscured his view of the thing, but he could feel it, solid and ridged against his hand. Mud slipped under his fingernails as he closed his fist around the object. A final burst of dirt plumed into the deep puddle as he pulled his hand back. He uncurled his fingers and looked down at the object.

“Hey, Okuyasu.” Josuke didn’t take his eyes off the thing he was holding. It hung from his hand like a twisted white horseshoe. Mud drooled from the sockets that ran along its inner rim.

Okuyasu pulled on his shoe, finally stabilizing himself. He bent down to try and squeeze out his baggy pants. “Huh?”

“There’s a human skeleton in this hole.” Okuyasu looked up. His eyes made their way from Josuke to the bone he was holding. A mandible, to be precise, unmistakably human in size and shape. Okuyasu’s expression remained blank. Another car sloshed through the road, and water washed onto the sidewalk to undo the work he'd done to his socks.

“Huh?”

* * *

“Let’s not speak of this.” Josuke stood next to Okuyasu outside of the police station. He felt like over soaked cornflakes; soggy and flavorless, with a weird texture floating around inside him. His exhaustion had faded and been replaced by shocked indifference. And from Okuyasu’s expression, Josuke assumed he felt the same.

“Agreed.” Okuyasu shivered and pulled his dry jacket tighter to his body. Despite his efforts, the rest of his clothes were still damp, and the cold was starting to seep into his skin. His gaze was fixed on an unremarkable part of the road.

Josuke gave him a soft pat on the shoulder, then shoved his hands into his pockets again. “I mean I guess it’s not all bad?”

Okuyasu gave him a look. “I was in that hole, Josuke. I was all the way in that hole right next to the body of a murder victim.”

“Yeah, but maybe finding it will at least give people closure.”

“Maybe.” Okuyasu tapped his shoe on the ground. Bits of dried mud fell off, and soon he was standing on a small pile of dirt. He grimaced. “What’s up with you? You seem pretty damn nonchalant for someone who just discovered a human skeleton.”

“I guess so.” Josuke looked down at the flaking mud on his own shoes. It wrapped around the soles and crept up unevenly toward his pants. “You weren’t in town for the whole Angelo thing, were you?”

“The what?”

Josuke straightened his back and looked at the sky. Bits of dark blue were starting to show through the grey blanket of clouds. “Back when I was in middle school, so three or four years ago, there was a string of homicides and disappearances. The fucker behind it is dead now, but I guess living through such a scary thing kinda gives you a different perspective on murder.”

Okuyasu blinked at him, eyes wide. “So… you just didn’t feel anything? Picking up a piece of a dead body did nothing to you?”

“Well, I wasn’t scared. Bodies don’t scare me. Neither does dying.” Josuke shrugged. “I’m more scared of disappearing. It’s the uncertainty of it all, you know? And the idea that my friends would miss me. When I realized I dug up a bone I just got really sad.”

The clouds parted more and more. Josuke expected a brighter sky, but he supposed it was pretty late by now. Recovering a human body wasn’t exactly a quick in and out procedure, even if it was just bones. Okuyasu stopped tapping his shoes. He shivered again. “I never thought about it like that. Makes sense, I guess.” He looked down at his pile of dirt. He started smooshing it around with his foot, making random swirls and lines and scattering it further across the sidewalk. He took a deep breath in and sighed. “I’m more scared of the dying part, I think. I don’t know if anyone would miss me.”

Josuke looked over at Okuyasu, who was completely focused on his dirt doodles. They stayed like that for a second, and Okuyasu’s thoughtful expression didn’t change. The extremely depressing and somewhat concerning statement didn’t carry any weight to him. It seemed that he thought loneliness was the default state of humanity, that there wasn’t another option for him. He really didn’t know if anyone would miss him if he died, and that idea was completely normal thing to say out loud. Josuke stood, hands in his pocket, brow creased, head tilted, trying to wrap his head around Okuyasu’s thought process. Was this dude ok?

Okuyasu suddenly looked up from the dirt. “Anyway, I should get home. My bro’s gonna kill me for being out so late without warning.”

“Oh, uh,” Josuke shook his head, “yeah, sure. Actually, my mom is coming to pick me up. You need a ride?”

Okuyasu brightened up. “That would be great! If it’s not too much trouble.”

“Nah, we live in the same neighborhood, don’t we?”

“Oh yeah! I forgot.”

Josuke nodded. Okuyasu nodded. The sky was getting darker. Okuyasu went back to stirring up his pile of dirt. Josuke watched him draw and erase and connect lines as the sky went from blue to indigo to the bright red of sunset. Okuyasu shivered again. Josuke looked back up at his face. Usually so harsh, it was softened in the fading light and calm of the quiet street. His eyelashes were so thick, and his hair was so nice, and god had he always been this pretty?

_ Ok hold on now. _ Josuke looked away quickly. This again? No! No, he did not think Okuyasu was cute. That would be weird! Wouldn’t it?

Wouldn’t it?

… Why would it be?

Well, obviously because they barely knew each other. This was the first meaningful conversation they’d ever had, and Josuke was more of a love kind of guy than someone who acted on infatuation. So it would be completely out of character for him to suddenly have feelings for Okuyasu. Maybe if they knew each other better, but as things stood…

It didn’t stop Josuke from opening his mouth. “Hey,” he said, “do you like video games?”

Okuyasu looked up. “Yeah. Why?”

“Do you wanna come over and play?” OH. OH THAT PHRASING. Was he fucking 12? Was he a child? Jesus Christ.

It didn’t seem to phase Okuyasu though, because his response was near immediate. “Oh hell yeah I do. What do you got?”

“Uh, I got Smash, DK Country Returns, Mario Kart, Wii Sports, Wii Sports Resort, I have a Wii if you couldn’t tell. Oh, and you can call your brother with my phone if you want…” Josuke reached into his back pocket for his phone, but Okuyasu waved a hand.

“I’m gonna get yelled at either way. May as well put it off as long as possible.”

“Oh,” Josuke put his phone back in his pocket, “alright.” He turned and looked down the street, watching for his mom’s car. It was his turn to shiver, not with the cold, but with excitement. He invited Okuyasu to _ his _ house, to play _ his _ games.

_ Ok, ok, get a hold of yourself! _ It was just Wii Sports. And again, this was _ not _ a date! It was just going to be two bros chilling out and fake bowling after a somewhat traumatic experience. Just two soggy guys enjoying some good old Nintendo products. Hell yeah.

Josuke looked the other direction. He actually didn’t really know which direction his house was in, or which way his mom would be coming from. He got a little turned around in all the confusion of finding a skeleton. “By the way,” he said, “my mom is cool.” Okuyasu looked at him in puzzlement.

“Oh, you mean with like…” he made the motion of putting something to his mouth.

“What?”

“You know…” Okuyasu leaned in. “Sillygrass… the devil’s lettuce? Weedblunts? Fat doinks? Bhaṅgā? Smoochy woochy poochy?”

“No. No?! I mean she’s not transphobic.”

“Oh.” Okuyasu looked away quickly. Josuke furrowed his brow.

“Okuyasu… do you smoke weed?”

“No.” Josuke wasn’t convinced. Okuyasu turned to face him again, cheeks burning. “No!” He fidgeted with a button again. “I just - I thought you did maybe? I thought that’s what you were talking about? Like you were offering me some and I didn’t wanna seem lame.”

“Right.”

“Josuke, I don’t smoke weed! I’m straightedge I swear!”

Josuke laughed. “Ok, ok. I believe you. Sheesh.” He continued to scan the street for their ride. “But I wouldn’t judge.”

Okuyasu crossed his arms. “I don’t. Smoke. Weed,” he grumbled. He shivered again and kicked a chunk of his dirt pile into the road. It landed in the gutter with a wet plop. He watched it sink and dissipate into silt, then looked at Josuke. “Do you-”

“Nope.”

Okuyasu continued pouting. Clouds curled around the red sun in mimicry of the silt that slipped through the water. Josuke checked the time. His mom should be there in just another couple minutes. Okuyasu kicked another chunk of dirt into the road. “Hey.”

“Yeah?”

“You got Pikmin?”

“Yup.”

“Fuck yeah.”

* * *

Josuke wordlessly lead Harvest through the twisting tunnels below the town. If he hadn’t lived there for two years, he could have easily gotten lost in the caverns. Geometric architecture was embedded into the organic stone surfaces, and though no area was dark enough for monsters to spawn, the whole place was eerily dim. Most of the lighting came from the old slab over glowstone trick, and torches were sparse. Fires burned perpetually on netherrack in a few corners where nothing flammable lay. Tunnels branched out through the place, leading into more livable rooms, but that’s not what they were down there for.

The two entered into a buried cathedral through a high archway. Water poured down from what was once high set windows, and leaves grew over and around the support columns. Flowers poked out of the rubble that surrounded the main platform, and on that main platform sat a nether portal. Obsidian burst across the floor in a fractal pattern, and the frame was embedded into a burning funeral pyre of stone brick and netherrack. The spruce pews close to the portal were upturned and broken, and the whole place was alight with glowstone and hellfire. The sounds of the portal danced through the destruction, hisses and growls of a torn reality.

Standing in front of the frame of mangled space was The Hand, diamond armor pulsing shades of blue. Josuke’s armor matched, and Harvest’s, though unenchanted, was forged of the same precious stone. Their inventories were stocked with foodstuffs, pickaxes, and arrows enough to last an ingame fortnite.

**TheHand:** I assume you know why I called you here today.

Josuke took a sip of iced coffee and crossed his legs in his desk chair. He turned his camera toward Harvest and waited.

And waited.

And waited.

**Harvest:** me?!?!?!?

**Harvest: **D:

**TheHand:** yes you!!!

**TheHand:** who else is here???

**Harvest:** cd!!!!!!!!!!!

**CrazyDiamond:** lol if it was something I did he would have just killed me

**CrazyDiamond:** because we’re very good friends

**TheHand:** friends kill their friends

**Harvest:** wha

**Harvest:** that doesnt make any sense >:(

**TheHand:** you see when two people love each other very much….

**CrazyDiamond:** they don’t get mad when they kill each other in a video game

**TheHand:** it’s faster than what we’re doing atm too

**Harvest:** what did i even doooo D:

**TheHand:** YOU KNOW WHAT YOU DID

**Harvest: **DX no!!!!!!!!!!! i don’t!!!!!!!!!!11

**CrazyDiamond:** well harvest……. what was the last block you remember asking to use?

**Harvest:** i think it was some sandstone……

**CrazyDiamond:** right

**CrazyDiamond:** and what was the last thing you took from us?

**Harvest:** SANDSTONE!!!

**CrazyDiamond:** eeeennggghh WRONG

**Harvest:** IT WAS SANDSTONE YOU PRICK

**CrazyDiamond:** LANGUAGE.

**TheHand:** IF THE LAST BLOCK YOU TOOK WAS SANDSTONE THEN EXPLAIN WHERE ALL OUR NETHERWART WENT.

**CrazyDiamond:** there’s not even any left in the farm!

**Harvest:** FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU

**Harvest:** I TOOK SANDSTONE

**TheHand:** THEN WHO TOOK OUR NETHER WART???

**CrazyDiamond: **WATCH YOUR FUCKING LANGUAGE.

**TheHand:** if you didn’t take it then who did dimwit????

**Harvest:** ohhh look at the pot calling the kettle black

**TheHand:** OH FUCK OFF

**CrazyDiamond:** can it pipsqueak

**CrazyDiamond:** I’m the only one who gets to call TH stupid

**TheHand:** I’m dumb as all fuck but only CD gets to say it

**Harvest: **are you two assholes married or something

**CrazyDiamond:** god I wish

**TheHand:** what

**CrazyDiamond:** what

**CrazyDiamond:** lol anyway you took our nether wart and now you’re gonna help us get more

**CrazyDiamond: **this is your penance

**TheHand:** sinner

**Harvest:** oooohhhh is that why were in a church?

**TheHand: **now you got it!

**TheHand:** REPENT!

And with that, The Hand gave Harvest a wack with his sword, knocking him toward the pyre. Harvest jumped and spasmed in panic for a moment, but he didn’t need to be told twice to go through the portal. Once he was on his way to the underworld, Josuke and The Hand followed him into the rift.

The Nether side of the portal was far simpler, being just a crater in which the obsidian fractal was mirrored with cobblestone. Harvest was crouching next to the portal, waiting. Once everything loaded on everyone’s ends, the trio started on their search for an unlooted Nether fortress.

It didn’t necessarily have to be completely untouched. All they needed was a single piece of nether wart to restart their farm. More than that would be ideal, of course, but if they were really struggling, they could head back with the bare minimum. So off they went, first toward the fortress they’d explored before, then, when that didn’t work, out into the far reaches of the Nether.

It took a while, and a lot of questionable bridges, but they eventually found what they came for. Fifteen pieces was the ending total, scrounged up from ransacked fortresses. After so much wandering, they were all completely sick of the grind and ready to head back. So that’s what they did. They took the most direct route back through their line of torches and block-wide bridges, passing pigmen and magma cubes along the way, and sprinting past any ghasts that would have otherwise been troublesome. The trip back didn’t take nearly as long as the trip out, and the three of them had quite the pep in their step as they approached their nether portal.

But the second they stepped into the crater, they all froze. Josuke looked at his companions, then back at the portal. An empty feeling crept through his gut. The light was out. The obsidian frame stood without a portal inside it. Hollow and vacant, it remained as nothing but a 4 by 5 obelisk dedicated to the trio’s imminent demise. They were trapped.

**CrazyDiamond:** UH

Josuke turned to the other two. Both remained still.

**TheHand:** UH

**Harvest:** O_o

Josuke frantically dug through his inventory for a flint and steel, but he carried nothing of the sort. 

**CrazyDiamond:** does

**CrazyDiamond:** anyone have a flint and steel

**Harvest:** no

**TheHand:** nO

Josuke wracked his brain for ideas. A ghast’s fireball could perhaps rekindle the flame, but their crater was in a low-ceilinged area, and luring a ghast into it would be near impossible. They would have to dig a hole wide enough for the thing to fit, and even then there was no guarantee the fireball would hit its mark. And anyway, the server prevented block destruction with mobs. He thought maybe the fire spread from lava could work, but he was pretty sure that only worked with flammable blocks. Fire wouldn’t naturally spread to obsidian. So what could they do?

**TheHand:** who is responsible

**Harvest:** IT’S NOT ME PLEASE DON’T THINK IT WAS ME

**TheHand:** yeah no shit you were with us the whole time

**CrazyDiamond:** WHAT DO WE DO??????

**Harvest:** D: idkkkkkkk

**TheHand:** WHY DO NEITHER OF YOU HAVE FLINT AND STEEL???

**CrazyDiamond: **WHAT WERE THE CHANCES OF THIS HAPPENING???

**CrazyDiamond:** I don’t see YOU coming to our rescue!!!!!!!

**Harvest:** dickhead

**CrazyDiamond: **LANGUAGE.

**TheHand:** AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

**Harvest:** THIS IS SUCH BULLCRAP

**CrazyDiamond: **ok everyone just calm down

**Harvest:** :|

**TheHand:** AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

**TheHand:** AAAAAAAAUUUGHHHHHHHHHHHHHGGHGHGHHGHGHGHHGHAAAHAHAAAA

**TheHand: **UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGHFGJH

**CrazyDiamond:** :|

**TheHand: **ok I feel better now

**CrazyDiamond:** good

**CrazyDiamond:** so. you guys DO remember this is a multiplayer server right

**TheHand:** er

**TheHand:** yeah

**Harvest:** so we can ask someone for help right?

**CrazyDiamond:** maybe

**CrazyDiamond:** we’re really far out on the map though

**CrazyDiamond:** it would take a long ass time for someone to get to us and it doesn’t seem like many other people are online

**TheHand:** this is bad

**TheHand:** this is very bad

**CrazyDiamond:** the point isn’t asking for help though

**CrazyDiamond:** if we walk long enough we’re bound to run into someone else’s portal

**CrazyDiamond:** once we’re though we can take the long way home and repair ours

**CrazyDiamond:** if I remember right some group recently built a public minecart highway along the 00 axises and it goes out crazy far

**CrazyDiamond:** we can AFK all the way back though the overworld

**TheHand:** nether travel is faster tho

**TheHand:** we could always mark our path and get a flint and steel and come back this way

**CrazyDiamond:** that’s true that’s true

**TheHand:** and I mean….. do you guys have enough food?

**CrazyDiamond:** I’ll be good for a while still

**CrazyDiamond:** you?

**Harvest:** i got a stack

**TheHand:** I think I should be good?

**CrazyDiamond:** alright!

**CrazyDiamond:** last chance for better ideas!

No one spoke up. Harvest and The Hand faced Josuke expectantly. Josuke took a final slurp of his coffee and cracked his knuckles. It seemed it was time for a road trip.

**CrazyDiamond:** alright gentlemen

**CrazyDiamond:** let’s get to it


	4. Chapter 4

A Minecraft road trip turned out to be far, far less fun than it sounded. The Nether wasn’t exactly the most interesting area of the game. It was all dark and red and on fire, and despite making sure to mark their path with a line of cobble and torches, the trio swore up and down that they’d passed the same chunk of soul sand seven times over. Luckily, moving in the underworld expedited their aboveground journey. For every block they moved down there, they moved eight blocks up above. Their journey would be arduous, but not impossible.

Still, it was boring as all hell. They started to make up games. They took turns seeing who could knock the most gravel loose in a single block update, who could climb hills the fastest, and so on and so on. And of course, the games started to wear stale, and the same chunk of soul sand passed by, and the lava stretched on and on. Nothing could drive a gamer to madness quite like the Nether.

Josuke swung his sword at nothing. He tapped his foot against his chair and sighed. The going was slow. Though they couldn’t walk when they opened chat, Josuke couldn’t stand the silence anymore. His tapping was steady, his typing quick.

**CrazyDiamond:** snape, snape, severus snape

**CrazyDiamond:** snape, snape, severus snape

**TheHand:** dumbledore!!!

**CrazyDiamond:** snape, snape, severus snape

**TheHand:** dumbledore!!!

**thelock:** omfg shut up you’re clogging the chat

**CrazyDiamond:** snape, snape, severus snape

**TheHand:** dumbledore!!!

**CrazyDiamond:** snape, snape, severus snape

**Harvest:** ron ron ron weasley!

**TheHand:** dumbledore!!!

**CrazyDiamond:** snape, snape, severus snape

**Harvest:** ron ron ron weasley!

**TheHand:** dumbledore!!!

**thelock:** SHUT THE FUCK UP

**HIGHWAYSTAR:** no one’s forcing you to read the chat dickhead

**CrazyDiamond:** snape, snape, severus snape

**Harvest:** ron ron ron weasley!

**xxOVE_DELUxx:** Hermione. Hermione. Hermoine, Hermoine, Hermione.

**TheHand:** dumbledore!!!

**CrazyDiamond:** snape, snape, severus snape

**Harvest:** ron ron ron weasley!

**thelock: **OH MY GOD YOU FUCKING IDIOTS

**xxOVE_DELUxx:** Hermione. Hermione. Hermoine, Hermoine, Hermione.

**HIGHWAYSTAR:** HARRY POTTER HARRY POTTER UGH

**HIGHWAYSTAR: **HARRY POTTER HARRY POTTER YEAH

**TheHand:** dumbledore!!!

**CrazyDiamond:** snape, snape, severus snape

**Harvest:** ron ron ron weasley!

**xxOVE_DELUxx:** Hermione. Hermione. Hermoine, Hermoine, Hermione.

**HIGHWAYSTAR:** HARRY POTTER HARRY POTTER UGH

**HIGHWAYSTAR: **HARRY POTTER HARRY POTTER THATS ME

**CrazyDiamond:** snape

**HIGHWAYSTAR:** harry

**thelock: **this server is so gay

**CrazyDiamond:** and you aren’t??? 

**CrazyDiamond: **in the year 2012??? 

**CrazyDiamond:** get a load of this noob lol

**HIGHWAYSTAR:** lol straightie

**TheHand:** bet you’re cis too lol

**HIGHWAYSTAR:** come on man if ur gonna be straight you gottta at least trans your gender a little bit

**TheHand:** get with the program dude haha

**CrazyDiamond:** it’s ok his manhood is valid even if he doesn’t have tits

**xxOVE_DELUxx:** Mad cause you aren’t kissing as many girls as me? Lol

**thelock: **this is hate speech

**TheHand:** shut up cissy

**xxOVE_DELUxx:** Crawl into a ditch and die :)

**thelock: **fuck you all

**Thelock:** annoying fucks

**the lock left the game**

**CrazyDiamond:** LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL

**HIGHWAYSTAR:** FUCKING OWNED

**TheHand:** AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHAHAHAHAHHAH

**xxOVE_DELUxx:** OMFG

**CrazyDiamond:** what a tool

**CrazyDiamond:** ANYWAY

**CrazyDiamond:** where were we???

**HIGHWAYSTAR:** snape

**CrazyDiamond: **oh right

**CrazyDiamond:** snape

**HIGHWAYSTAR:** harry

**CrazyDiamond:** snape

**HIGHWAYSTAR:** harry

**CrazyDiamond:** snAPE

**HIGHWAYSTAR:** harRY

**CrazyDiamond:** SNAPE

**HIGHWAYSTAR: **HARRY

**CrazyDiamond:** SNAPE

**HIGHWAYSTAR: **HARRY

**CrazyDiamond:** SNAPE

**HIGHWAYSTAR: **HARRY

**CrazyDiamond:** SNAPE

**HIGHWAYSTAR: **HARRY

**TheHand:** DUMBLEDORE

**xxOVE_DELUxx: **heeeeeeeeeeeermione!

**CrazyDiamond:** SINGIN

**TheHand:** SINGIN OUR SONG

**Harvest:** OUR

**xxOVE_DELUxx:** All day long!

**HIGHWAYSTAR: **OUR SONG

**CrazyDiamond: **ALL

**TheHand:** DAY

**HIGHWAYSTAR:** ALL DAY LONG

**xxOVE_DELUxx:** AT

**xxOVE_DELUxx: **HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOG

**Harvest:** AT HOGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG

**CrazyDiamond:** HOGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG

**xxOVE_DELUxx: **WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARTS

**TheHand:** AT HOGGGGWARTTTTTTSSS

**HIGHWAYSTAR: **AT HOGWARTS!!!!!!!!!

**Harvest:** YEAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!

**HIGHWAYSTAR:** nice work fellas

**CrazyDiamond:** >:D

**TheHand: **AAUAFDHUDHAGH

**TheHand:** YO I SEE A PORTAL

**CrazyDiamond:** OUGH WHERE WHERE WHERE

**Harvest:** :D

The Hand leapt up and down and punched in Harvest and Josuke’s direction. Then he crouched and punched in the direction of the portal. It was on the top of a steep incline, its black stone and purple light was barely visible over the crest. Josuke nearly wept.

**CrazyDiamond:** AAAAAA

**CrazyDiamond:** I COULD KISS YOU

**TheHand:** HHHHHHHHHHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

**TheHand: **WE’RE FUCKING OUT OF HERE BABY!!!

**HIGHWAYSTAR:** haha good luck yall

**xxOVE_DELUxx:** :)

Without hesitation, the trio started scaling the hill. The area around the portal contained nothing except a few chests and a cobble platform. Just for kicks, Josuke tried to open a chest, but found it was claimed. While he was distracted, Harvest and The Hand had already entered the portal. Josuke followed suit. His screen wiggled with the purple overlay of interdimensional travel. He turned to take one last look at the trail they had blazed. If he never saw this place again, it would be too soon. The loading screen hit, and Josuke was on his way to freedom.

At least, that’s where he thought he was going. Unfortunately, things wouldn’t be so simple. Josuke did in fact reach the overworld once the loading screen dropped and the chunks got to rendering, but as he tried to walk out of the portal, something stopped him. He looked down. In front of him was a fence. To his sides were Harvest and The Hand. His brain buffered for a second.

Uh oh.

His screen continued to swirl purple as the portal tried in vain to drag him back to the underworld. Since he’d never actually left the portal block, he couldn’t go back to the Nether. But he also couldn’t get over the fence. Try as he might, he knew it was impossible to jump a fence while standing on a full block. He looked over at the hand, who was just an amorphous blob on his screen. The Hand looked back. They looked at each other. Josuke pressed t. Then he pressed t again.

He looked down at his keyboard. He carefully put his index finger on the t button and pressed down. His eyes flicked up to the screen, but the chat box was nowhere to be seen. His jaw dropped. Relentlessly, he jammed his finger into the t button over and over so hard his keyboard threatened to snap in half. Server messages scrolled up the left side of the screen, but none of them belonged to any of the three people stuck in the portal. 

**TheHand left the game**

**TheHand joined the game**

Josuke thought maybe The Hand had cracked the code, but his hope was snuffed quickly when The Hand lingered in the gate past the usual four seconds it took to teleport a player. Not even completely reloading the game would work to free them. Josuke paused a moment, staring at The Hand. Then he turned and swung his sword at Harvest.

But his sword caught hard on the spacetime rift. He swung again and again, but the portal was blocking his blows from landing. Harvest jumped backwards and spammed his own sword back at Josuke. Not even the dark spectre of death could release them now. They were at the mercy of time and fate, and whoever owned this portal.

The burden of this predicament slowly weighed down on the back of Josuke’s head. What were the chances of such horrible luck? What kind of jerk puts a fence around their nether portal anyway? Josuke leaned back in his chair. His eyes glazed over and the server chat rolled by slowly. The ice in his empty cup was nearly melted through. The last drops of coffee diffused into the water. Ribbons of diluted brown splashed up the side of the cup as Josuke stood to throw it out.

When he returned to the game, nothing had changed. All three of them just stood in the portal, crammed into a space two blocks wide, waiting for something to happen. The chat continued to scroll by, the overlay continued to mangle the screen.

**HeavensDoor:** Well, well, well. What do we have here?

A pit opened up in Josuke’s chest. That username… he knew it well. It belonged to an entity that plagued him, that sat upon the server’s player list like an ink stain.

**HeavensDoor:** If it isn’t Tweedledee and Tweedlestupid!

Josuke turned around. Lo and behold, there stood a man. A man more pompous and self absorbed than anyone Josuke had ever met. A man that threw a hissy fit any time he lost in the survival games. A man that, unsurprisingly to Josuke, would be so evil as to fence off his nether portal.

Heaven’s Fucking Door.

And now, there the three of them stood, unable to do anything but weather his insufferable comments.

**HeavensDoor:** Rachet and fucking Clank!

**HeavensDoor:** Banjo and god damn Kazooie!

**HeavensDoor: **And I see you’ve brought a third sidekick along for your idiotic adventures! Tell me, however did this happen? How did you end up stuck in another person’s portal? Did you manage to get lost in the sprawling underworld, or was it through sheer incompetence that you somehow destroyed your own gate?

**HeavensDoor:** Actually, don’t say anything. I can imagine your bumbling with crystal clarity.

Heaven’s Door approached the portal without any kind of friendly crouching or jumping in his step. The gaze of his blocky avatar fixed on them, unwavering. Josuke suddenly knew what it must feel like to be a taxidermy animal in a museum.

**HeavensDoor:** Awww, what’s the matter? Cat got your tongue?

**HeavensDoor:** Hahahahahaha! I jest, I jest. I know you’re trapped in there utterly. How amusing. Now the question is, should I let you go, or should I allow you buffoons to remain trapped within my gate as a trophy of my victory?

**HeavensDoor:** Is the latter option unfair? Perhaps. But think of it as retribution for all the trouble you put me through. After all, was it fair to specifically target me in two on one battles in every minigame server we’ve been in? Was it fair to spawncamp me for the first three hours I attempted to enter this server?

**HeavensDoor:** Though perhaps I should allow you to return to the underworld and burn for your sins. It would be a fitting end for creatures such as yourselves.

**HIGHWAYSTAR:** bro what the fuck are you talking about lol

**HeavensDoor:** Silence, insect.

**HeavensDoor:** These matters don’t concern you in the slightest.

**HIGHWAYSTAR:** alright man haha ur wild

Heaven’s Door paced the field around them, disappearing behind the frame of the portal only to reappear behind them all. Now Josuke was really getting pissed. At first he had assumed that someone had inadvertently made a deathtrap, but the realization that this guy was intentionally fucking with people set his blood alight. He thrashed against the prison, chopping away at the fence to no avail and going ham on the spacebar.

**HeavensDoor:** Ah, how precious. You think anything but my hand could free you from your cage? This is a prison of your own design, Mr. Diamond. This is the future you’ve wrought for yourself and all those you hold dear.

**HeavensDoor:** I suppose it’s in your nature to fight. It’s what got you into this mess, but despite that, you still believe it will get you out. There are other ways to solve problems, you know.

Heaven’s Door stepped up to the nether portal. He was close enough to hit, but the portal blocked every blow Josuke and his companions tried to throw at him. Josuke shouted and kicked the wall behind his desk.

“You son of a bitch!” He wanted nothing more than to beat this dude’s fuddy duddy ass to kingdom come, yet the mechanics of the game just so happened to align perfectly to stop him.

**HeavensDoor:** I think a bit of payment would do to quell my anger at you. And really, you should be paying to use my property in the first place.

OH THIS ASSHOLE.

**HeavensDoor:** I quite fancy that armor you have… what sort of enchantments have you gifted it with? Perhaps we could strike a deal for your freedom.

**HeavensDoor:** Ah, but I suppose there’s not much you can do while you’re bound there. Can’t exactly open your inventory. How about those swords? Just toss them over the fence and I’ll see about letting you go.

Josuke and The Hand exchanged a look through the purple swirls. The Hand looked at the ground in resignation. They didn’t have any other options. He tossed his sword over the fence, and Harvest followed suit. But Josuke didn’t budge. His friends looked at him expectantly, but he ignored them. There was no way he was going to let this loser bully him into giving up his hard earned diamonds!

**HeavensDoor:** Oh? What’s this? Are you really trying to one up me even now? The rest of your motley crew already handed over their weapons. If you wait any longer you’re only going to bring suffering to them. It would be a brave move to face me alone, but you’re being rather selfish, I must say.

There had to be some other solution. If he threw away his pride on this guy he’d never get it back. But he had no inventory access, no way to type, he couldn’t even die. And once he handed over his sword there would be no way he could kill Heaven’s Door. Josuke scanned the horizon for anything that could be of use. There was nothing, not even a building for chunks around. Heaven’s Door must have placed this portal away from his main house to keep the sounds from annoying him.

Ah. And there was the solution.

Even if they couldn’t fight their way out, nothing was stopping them from placing blocks on unclaimed land.

Josuke reluctantly tossed his sword over the fence.

**HeavensDoor:** That wasn’t so hard, was it?

**HeavensDoor:** As much as I’d love to just leave you to rot, a deal’s a deal.

Heaven’s Door pulled out an axe and started chopping down the fence that caged them in. Once it was broken, he stepped back. The Hand exited the portal, followed by Josuke, then Harvest.

**HeavensDoor:** Alright then. Be on your way.

The trio looked at him for a moment. All three of them wanted to kill him, wanted to reclaim their lost items, but without weapons they couldn’t do anything. They were powerless.

**HeavensDoor:** I said be on your way. Or do I have to send you back to hell?

**TheHand:** man fuck you

**CrazyDiamond:** I’m not leaving without our stuff

**HeavensDoor:** Oh yeah? And how are you going to manage that?

Josuke looked at his hotbar and smirked. Without warning, he sprinted at Heaven’s Door and equipped a lava bucket. He skillfully placed it at the pompous bastard’s feet before getting knocked back with his own sword. 

Heaven’s Door was immediately set alight. He backed away, trying to escape the lava, but the glowing death juice was starting to spread. He fumbled in his inventory, trying to find a block to stem the flow, but it was too late. Josuke returned the source block to its place in his inventory and stepped back. All that was left was to wait. Though Heaven’s Door managed to drag himself out of the fading lava blocks, he was severely on fire. His health was draining fast, and there was no water around to stop it. Harvest and The Hand enthusiastically ran at him and started battering him with their bare fists to speed up the process. Their armor absorbed the blows from his enchanted weapons with ease. Heaven’s Door was at their mercy.

**HeavensDoor:** YOU BRATS.

**CrazyDiamond:** haha epic win

**HeavensDoor burned to death**

The trio stood over his dropped inventory in triumph. They sorted through all the trash items until they found their stolen belongings, as well as a couple stacks of nicer blocks. Was it really stealing if the guy deserved it? And even better, they’d gotten out of it with what they went to the Nether for in the first place. All things considered, their crazy trip through the underworld could have definitely yielded worse results.

**HeavensDoor:** I’M GOING TO KILL YOU. DO YOU HEAR ME? YOU PISSANTS.

In the distance, Josuke could see a nametag bounding towards them. He laughed and started running in the general direction of their town. His friends tailed just behind him, bouncing for speed and punching the air. Soon enough, the shouting in chat slowed to the resigned silence of a man who had been utterly owned, and the portal that had become their temporary prison faded into the distance. It was gonna be a long walk home, but damn if that hadn’t been a good time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IS THIS FUNNY??? IS THE MYSTERIOUS TICKING NOISE STILL FUNNY??? I'M TOO FAR GONE I CAN'T TELL ANYMORE.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Quick heads up for another sudden shift into something that might qualify as body horror. The classic Miles "Transhitman" Humor to Horror Bait and Switch. Yada yada. You know the drill.

Fluorescent filaments burned hot in the ceiling. The tile-lined room blasted unnatural white into Josuke’s eyes. Even the water in the sink assaulted him with refracting rays of pure stark. But through it all, the school bathroom was dirty all over. The trash bin overflowed and umber stains ran down the back of the urinal. The filth was the product of just one school day, as it hadn’t been there when Josuke had stopped for a pee break in the morning. Somehow, the students managed to transform it into a fetid den of filth in just a few short hours. The means by which they performed such a stunt was a complete mystery to Josuke. It almost made him wish he could use the women’s room. Oh well. He was leaving school anyway. It would be cleaned by the morning.

He lowered the faucet handle with his elbow and headed to the door. Using the paper towel he dried his hands with as a germ buffer, he pulled the handle. He almost walked into the door before he registered that it hadn’t opened. He stepped back, still holding the handle. He tugged at the door again. It jolted in its frame, but something was keeping it from opening. He tried with both hands and leaned back with all his weight.

Still nothing.

“Oh. You can not be serious,” Josuke muttered to himself. He braced against the wall with his foot and yanked the door as hard as he could. The wood shuddered and the hinges squeaked in protest, but the door remained closed. Josuke’s shoes shrieked on the tile floor as he stepped back in frustration. “Oh you can not be serious!” He straightened his back and pointed at the door in accusation. “You fucker… sitting there all smug… do you think you can mock me? Do you? Well you can’t! You’re just a chunk of wood!” He pushed up his sleeves and puffed up his chest. “Do you know what a guy like me does to punks like you?”

A bang rang around the tiles of the bathroom as a stall door popped open. Okuyasu’s head and shoulders leaned into view. “Uh,” he said, stopping the slowly swinging door as it moved back toward a closed position. “Who are you talking to?”

Josuke’s eyes went wide and his chin retreated into his neck as he cringed at himself. He looked back towards the door to try and hide his embarrassment. When the hell did Okuyasu get in here? He crossed his arms. “Dumbass door won’t open,” he said with a slight crack on the first syllable.

Okuyasu ducked back into the stall for a second, presumably fastening his two belts. Josuke wasn’t really sure why he wore those things, (they weren’t even tight enough to hold up his pants… and wait, if that was the case, why would he even have to take them off to pee?) but it looked pretty dang cool, so he didn’t ask. After stepping back out and washing his hands, he paused to check his hair in the mirror before taking a look at the door. “You’re pulling it, right? Not pushing?”

Josuke rolled his eyes. “Yeah, I’m not  _ that _ dumb.”

It was Okuyasu’s turn to yank the handle. He went through all the stages Josuke had, pulling it, tugging it, leaning back, and finally bracing himself against the wall with his foot. Each attempt jostled the door in its frame, but nothing set it loose. “Shit, this thing really is stuck.”

“Do you think something is jamming it?”

Okuyasu jiggled the lock and tried again. “Yeah. It’s unlocked.” He stepped back and stood next to Josuke. They both studied the door, hands to their chins. Totally jammed, huh? This was a predicament. They tilted their heads and moved their hands to the sides of their faces.

“Well,” Josuke said, “someone will notice, right? There are clubs and stuff. And teachers stay late a lot of times. Plus someone’s gotta clean in here.”

“True, true.” Okuyasu put his hands on his hips, and Josuke mirrored him. “This sucks though. I swear, just this week I’ve been trapped places enough to last a lifetime.”

“Really? What happened?”

“Oh, it’s a long story.”

“Well, if we have plenty of anything, it’s time.”

Okuyasu smirked and shook his head. “Nah. If I tell it you’ll die of boredom like three words in. You kinda had to be there.”

Josuke didn’t press further. He slipped his hands down from his hips to his pockets. His rolled up sleeves slowly settled back down his arms.

“Would you like me to break it?”

Josuke and Okuyasu both just about left their skins behind jumping at the sudden noise from behind them. Josuke whirled around and drew back a fist as Okuyasu let out a high-pitched scream. But their alarm quickly faded as they realized who it was.

It was the space guy. Guy? He was in the men’s room, so maybe the term was accurate. But maybe not. Whatever the case, Josuke had never seen him correct anyone no matter what he got called. The space guy - Mikitaka if he remembered correctly - was just sort of a nebulous entity. A strange, reclusive, nebulous entity that really didn’t care that the whole school thought he was weird. Josuke sort of respected that. But at the same time, he definitely shared the rest of the school’s view on him. Mikitaka was a wacko.

And that sentiment was confirmed further by the way the dude managed to approach them completely noiselessly in the bathroom. When did  _ he _ get in there? How the hell did he manage to piss in complete silence? How was the total number of people in the room now triple what Josuke originally thought? He sighed in a mix of exasperation and relief and lowered his fist. Okuyasu cleared his throat and let out a couple quieter, lower-pitched shouts to try and redeem his previous soprano shriek.

Mikitaka’s face remained neutral. “Did I startle you? I apologize.”

“When the hell did you get here?” Okuyasu demanded.

Mikitaka folded his hands across his abdomen politely. “I’ve been in here for about seven minutes. I would rather not linger much longer. Would you like me to break the door?” Okuyasu and Josuke exchanged a look, then stared at Mikitaka blankly. “I’m not physically powerful but I have a screwdriver and a few other tools in my bag.”

“Woah, woah, hold on,” Josuke started. “We can’t just break school property! What if they make us pay for it?”

Okuyasu laughed. “Can’t make us pay if they don’t catch us!”

“Yeah? How do you plan on busting a door handle without anyone hearing?”

“That’s true,” Mikitaka said. “It would be difficult to be stealthy about it. Perhaps we should just wait.”

Okuyasu let out an exaggerated groan. He fell back against the door and slid to the tile. “We’re gonna die in here…”

“I don’t think that will happen. We have access to water, and it takes days for a human to sta-”

“Die of boredom I mean! You guys are so boring.”

Josuke checked to make sure the floor below him was relatively clean, then dropped into a cross-legged sitting position. “Well, feel free to break the door, but I’m not paying for it.”

Okuyasu kicked Josuke’s knee. “Oh come on man! Aren’t we partners in crime now?”

Josuke scoffed, then grinned. “Sure, but a good criminal doesn’t go around doing dumb shit.”

“A good criminal doesn’t bore his friends to death either.”

Mikitaka sat down as well, using his bag as a germ buffer. “There are plenty of ways to pass the time. We shouldn’t have to wait long anyway.” He looked between Josuke and Okuyasu, seemingly waiting for one of them to offer a course of action. Neither had anything to give.

“You wanna tell that story, Okuyasu?” Josuke finally asked.

“What part of boring do you not understand, man?” Okuyasu tapped his shoes together in thought. All three listened for any noise in the hall, but the only thing that rose above the sound of Okuyasu’s fidgeting was the buzz of the bathroom filaments.

Josuke was pretty sure that Koichi was on his way home by now, but maybe he would head back to help them out. He took out his phone and made to text him, but Mikitaka interrupted.

“There’s no service in this bathroom,” he said. “I’m not sure why, but this area’s a dead zone.” Josuke checked his phone. To no one’s surprise, it was true. They didn’t have service here.

Josuke swore under his breath. This was just great. Once again, he was at the whims of fate and time, trapped in a pocket dimension with no escape. At least the Nether had lava. The closest thing here was the mystery fluid that stained the urinal. He put his phone away and resigned himself to his fate. The three of them waited in the white tile glow.

* * *

Somehow, they all got along swimmingly. And somehow, time washed away like water down the drain. Once Josuke and Okuyasu warmed up to Mikitaka and started chatting, very little could have gotten them to stop. The guy was weird indeed, but that meant nothing he said was boring. Josuke found himself enthralled by the wackass bullshit that came out of his mouth.

“So yeah. The Flatwoods monster is said to be some sort of extraterrestrial, but I don’t buy that for a second. First of all, aliens wouldn’t look nearly as humanoid as what the witnesses claimed to see. At first glance the creature isn’t too human, but its body configuration is far too recognizable to originate from another planet. Trust me. I would know. The more likely explanation is that what the witnesses mistook as a monster was simply an owl. You see, when certain species of owls enter a defensive stance, their silhouette…”

It was like watching a youtube video, like everything that Mikitaka said was scripted and overlayed onto a psychic powerpoint that he was beaming directly into their brains. Josuke felt like he should have a bowl of popcorn. He and Okuyasu both sat with their backs against the jammed door, shoulder to shoulder, facing the walking encyclopedia.

“... this theory is further supported by the fact that while the top half of the monster’s description remains consistent among the various witnesses, descriptions of the bottom half wildly vary. It’s likely that the bottom half didn’t exist, and fear caused the witnesses to fill in the blanks with the surrounding folia-”

“Yo, what about mothman?” Okuyasu interrupted.

“Ah, well the mothman can also be explained by owls. In fact, many American urban legends can be explained by animals being mistaken for supernatural creatures. The initial sightings of the mothman ceased after a hunter shot and killed an abnormally large snowy owl in that area. Another example of this is the chupacabra, which matches the description of a feral dog with mange. And yet another example, though by no means exclusive to the Americas, is the globster phenomena, in which the decayed carcass of a marine mammal is mistaken for a sea monster due to unfamiliar anatomy and the specific way their tissues decay. However, the existence of the supernatural can’t be written off entirely. Even now, we’ve really only scratched the surface of many regions of the world, not to mention space, and the idea that we know everything is…”

Josuke was starting to doze off. He wasn’t bored, the feeling was more akin to the calm of watching a movie late at night. As interesting as all these factoids were, the consistent cadence of Mikitaka’s voice was adding weight to his eyelids. Josuke found himself starting to lean further and further onto Okuyasu. How long had they been sitting there? It couldn’t have been that long, but Josuke might actually end up falling asleep. Impressive. Not many things could make him so tired so fast.

Josuke closed his eyes and tilted his head, laying it to rest on Okuyasu’s shoulder. He wouldn’t mind, right? There was a slight shift in the way Okuyasu held himself. He’d been almost as relaxed as Josuke before, but now it seemed he was struck with a sudden tension. Josuke noticed this, but didn’t really react. He was already in the process of falling asleep, and his better judgement was fleeing the waking world along with his consciousness.

Mikitaka didn’t seem to mind that Josuke was dozing off. He kept right on talking. “...would likely be completely beyond our comprehension. We already know there are so many things that the human body is just incapable of perceiving, so it would be ignorant at best and arrogant at worst to assume we’re alone in this universe. Our existence is but a fraction of what could be. Any sort of undiscovered life would look, sound, and act completely different than anything we would be capable of expecting, and to assume it would be anything like us is self-centered beyond measure. We are nothing but bed mites strewn among the blanket of reality, barely able to understand each other. In that way, we are truly alone. Even among our own kind we are born, we live, and we die in utter isolation. On and on the Milky Way spirals, and we are dragged along with it. No matter the path we forge here on Earth, we are all bound to the same cosmic fate, destined to dance the same gravitational steps until the stars go out and the universe freezes over.”

“Christ that’s depressing,” Josuke mumbled. Now that he was actually trying to sleep, the harsh reality of the bathroom floor was jolting him back awake. He swore the tile hadn’t been this uncomfortable just a couple minutes ago. Everything that he had ignored before was stumbling to the forefront of his mind. There was an incessant drip coming from somewhere by the stalls, and the visual snow that he normally tuned out popped behind his eyes, making monochrome patterns that shifted against the red of the flesh-filtered fluorescence.

And on top of that, there was Okuyasu, who fidgeted ever so slightly at random intervals. His shoulder wasn’t as comfortable as Josuke had envisioned. His clavicle dug into Josuke’s ear through his shirt, causing the back of his earring to poke at his neck. He kinda smelled weird too. Not in a BO way though, in fact he might have been wearing too much deodorant. He smelled like an unfamiliar home, like dust and mildew and decade old cigarette butts left in an ashtray by the attic window.

Oh come on, there was no way he could smell all that through the copious amounts of Old Spice and hairspray. So much of the chemical smell was laced into the fibres of Okuyasu’s shirt that Josuke probably could have successfully huffed it. And he was almost tempted to…

Tempted to what? Take a big ol’ sniff of his only recently former rival in the school bathroom? In front of Mikitaka? What the fuck was his deal? No way! No way in hell! Not even if they had been alone. Not even if they weren’t sitting on the bathroom floor. Not even if the mildew that curled through the miniscule space between them made Josuke feel like they were sitting together on the porch of a worn-down cabin during a rainfall, waiting for the sun to come out and watching the dust from a decade-old ashtray blow away in the damp winds. Not even if Okuyasu rested his own head against Josuke’s like he was doing right then and-

No! Enough of this! He had to pull himself together before he did something stupid. He did, and he couldn’t stress this enough,  _ NOT _ have a crush on Okuyasu! So what if the guy was funny and cute, and so what if they knew each other better now? So what? He couldn’t be in love with him! He couldn’t be in love with him because… because… because he was already in love with The Hand!

_WHAT?!_ _HELLO?!_ Earth to Josuke! What in the shit did that mean? He wasn’t- he couldn’t- was he losing his fucking mind? MINECRAFT? Was he seriously considering that he was in love with some guy he met on a video game forum? They didn’t even know each other’s names! For all Josuke knew, The Hand could be some 30 year old catfisher. Then again, who the hell catfishes someone over Minecraft… for two entire years no less? And The Hand never even suggested meeting up, so what would be the point in lying about who he was? There was no way someone could fabricate two years of conversations so consistently, and no reason that they would. The Hand was almost certainly real, whatever real meant, and maybe Josuke really was- well maybe- he already considered The Hand one of his closest friends, so it wasn’t out of the question that...

Jesus. This was a nightmare. A nightmare! Josuke had not intended to spend his last year in high school having some kind of internal duel between crushes. What was he going to do? He wasn’t even aware of Mikitaka’s continued rant, nor of all the things that had been keeping him awake. He stopped registering that he was leaned up against the very man that was tormenting his heart.

_ That’s it, _ he thought.  _ I’ll keep all my emotions bottled up inside me and then one day I’ll die! _ Perfect. Perfect plan. Just because he felt all funky when he thought too hard about Okuyasu, it didn’t mean he ever had to show it. And hey, he’d gone two years without telling The Hand about his little crush, so how hard could it be to keep on keeping on? If he never said anything, he’d never have to put anyone through the horrible ordeal of loving him back! He’d never have to burden anyone else with his frivolous emotions, or demand any unearned affection. And best of all, he could never be rejected! Wins all around! He internally high-fived himself. No one would ever have to know he had  _ real  _ feelings, and that’s just how he liked it.

But he also very much liked the way Okuyasu smiled.

Josuke would have to catch that train of thought some other time though, because Mikitaka’s voice suddenly cut off, and Okuyasu jolted under Josuke’s head. Josuke’s eyes flew open, only to be met with darkness.

“What the-” he said, digging his phone out of his pocket. “What- how long have we been in here?”

Pale light spilled onto Mikitaka’s face from his own phone screen. His head and shoulders floated alone in a sea of fuzzy shadow. “It’s currently seven PM. It seems we’ve been in this room for about four hours.”

“Four freakin’ hours?” Okuyasu shouted, causing Josuke to fumble his phone in shock. “Four? And no one’s even checked that door?”

Josuke regained his grip on his phone and activated the flashlight. The bright beam refracted off the white tile as the fluorescent lights had, but the hard rays cast the room in a far more sinister aura. The beam carved out deep, deep shadows that stalked around the walls at the slightest movement of Josuke’s hand, and as he stood, the shadows crouched down as if waiting to strike. The swirling dark combined with the unbreaking silence sent an electric pulse through Josuke. The hairs on the back of his neck stood on end, and he suppressed a shudder. He knew it was the same old bathroom. He  _ knew _ that. But something about the way the tangled up silhouettes of his friends swayed on the white tile wall felt so inexorably wrong.

People also took shits in there. So, you know, whatever.

“You know what? I’m gonna concede to Okuyasu. Let’s bust down the door.” Josuke nodded to Mikitaka’s bag.

“I’ll get on it then.” Mikitaka fished around in his bag and produced a screwdriver. “If you wouldn’t mind making room and keeping that light steady…”

Josuke and Okuyasu obliged, stepping away from the door. Josuke lifted his phone so that the beams passed over Mikitaka’s head and hit the hinges he was working on. It looked like his plan was to separate the entire door from the frame. It seemed… overkill, but at this point, Josuke just wanted to leave the bathroom.

Behind him, Okuyasu crossed his arms and sighed. “Shit, I’m hungry.”

“Think that sandwich place is still open?” Josuke adjusted the angle of his light as Mikitaka moved to another hinge.

“Oooh I could go for a sub. Mama mia, I have  _ got _ to have me some sauce!” Okuyasu performed the Italian finger kiss maneuver.

“The sandwich place closes at six, actually.” Mikitaka moved on to the third and final hinge. Whatever he was doing to the metal was leaving minimal damage, but it was the side that was actually jammed that would be an issue. They might still have to break something.

Okuyasu breathed a string of expletives. Josuke snickered. “Real kick in the dick, ain’t it?”

“Augh! Yeah!” Okuyasu threw his hands up in frustration. “I know how to make like three things and I’m sick of all of them! I wanted some damn sauce!”

“What about that Italian place that opened up recently? Been there yet?”

Okuyasu returned his arms to a crossed position. He looked at a dark spot on the wall with an unamused expression. “No. But they seem kind of expensive.”

“Yeah? Their food’s probably really good though.”

“You think I have money? Hah! As i-” Suddenly, his eyes narrowed and his brow creased. He turned to Josuke, a frown starting to take root. “Do you hear that?”

Everyone went dead quiet. The echoing acoustics of the bathroom amplified their every move, their every breath. And slowly, as their ears became adjusted to the droning quiet of pipes and airflow, a dreadful noise crept through the room. The steady drip that had previously kept Josuke awake had become a stumbling, on and off splash, and from somewhere in the dark behind them, something was dragging its claws across porcelain. Josuke’s beam of light turned towards the stalls slowly, steadily, like a lighthouse in an overcast night. And when it reached the nearest stall, it froze. There, on the floor, illuminated by the cold white rays, was a steadily growing puddle. Water dribbled down the base of the toilet and pooled into the rest of the stall. Droplets scattered from the bowl, their source only just eclipsed by the closed stall door. Josuke bit down on his lip. He felt his joints turn to rusted hinges. If he moved, he would surely fall apart. It took everything he had to keep his shaking breath silent. No one moved. No one said a word.

Then the bolt Mikitaka had been working loose came undone. It clattered to the floor with a dissonant chime that split the air itself. The splashing ceased suddenly. Josuke slowly turned his head to look at Mikitaka, and mouthed the words “ _ What the fuck, dude? _ ” Mikitaka’s wide-eyed look of horror was barely visible in the reflecting tile light.

The splashing renewed itself with a vengeance, and the scratching sound carried an undeniable malice. Josuke’s joints unlocked. He whipped around and shone the light on the door.

“Fuck fuck fuck FUCK FUCK.” Okuyasu blurted. “BACK THE FUCK UP, ALIEN BOY.” Mikitaka jumped back. Okuyasu shook his hands out, preparing himself for his imminent feat of strength, then ran full-force at the door.

Josuke expected resistance, but Okuyasu didn’t slow down in the slightest as the door ripped away from its frame. Wood splintered away from the jammed segment. All hope of fixing the hinges again went out the window along with the structural integrity of the wood. He hit the thing like a cannonball, sending both him and the door arcing across the hallway and onto the floor. Josuke and Mikitaka rushed rushed to follow him. Okuyasu curled into a fetal position among the mangled wood and let out a guttural scream.

“Are you okay?” Josuke grabbed a brachium and tried to pull Okuyasu to his feet. Dazed and shaken, Okuyasu gripped Josuke’s shirt and staggered upright. 

“Mother of  _ ass _ ,” was all he could manage. Before either of them could make a move, a massive, wet slap sounded in the bathroom. Josuke struggled to turn the light to the doorway while holding up Okuyasu, but he shakily managed to land the rays on the tile. And standing in the doorway, its shadow dancing in the quaking light, was a… a... 

A gigantic rat?

“Oh ew ew ew!” Despite his relief that a monster wasn’t going to kill them in the bathroom, Josuke’s whole body curled in on itself in squeamish disgust. “Is that a fucking rat?”

Okuyasu still clung to Josuke, but managed to regain some of his footing and laughed though hisses of pain. “I don’t know man. Rats aren’t all that bad! My bro had one when we were little.”

“Ok, sure, but this one came out of the toilet.” Josuke’s entire face scrunched up in a frown of disgust. Okuyasu laughed at the exaggerated expression.

“Well, I was sort of expecting to get killed by shadow people. This guy is just a little chunky!” Okuyasu made to approach the rat, but the huge thing’s fur stood on end and it let out a hiss. He and Josuke both went back to clinging to each other in fear.

Mikitaka put a hand to his chin and studied the rat. “It seems aggressive. That may be a sign of rabies. It would be wise to give it space.”

But before they made a move, the rat was joined by another. And then that rat was joined by two more. And suddenly the hall was awash with scores of wet, shit covered rats that swarmed out of the bathroom. Josuke squeaked and lifted one foot out of the way of the swarm. He tiptoed as high as he could, practically dunking Okuyasu into oncoming swarm as he supported himself on his friend’s shoulders. Okuyasu’s face was squished into Josuke’s chest. His legs threatened to buckle beneath him, and he kept his grip on the back of Josuke’s shirt just to stay upright. They were both doing more harm than good, and they screamed and flailed at each other as they perpetually toppled into the rats. Josuke’s light wiggled wildly, making the scene incomprehensible. Mikitaka crouched on a windowsill, outwardly unphased, internally suffering.

But the swarm dwindled, and Josuke and Okuyasu regained their balance. They ended up in a configuration not unlike Shaggy and Scooby Doo, with Okuyasu holding Josuke above the now shit smeared floor, Josuke’s legs wrapped around his waist, and his arms wrapped around his head.

“Nmcmmnbrnmm,” Okuyasu said.

Josuke loosened his grip on Okuyasu’s head. “What?”

Okuyasu took a deep breath. “I said, I can’t breathe!”

“Ah.” Josuke didn’t take his eyes off the retreating rats. They were really booking it. What had them in such a hurry?

“Um. J-J-Josuke?” Okuyasu’s eyes were still fixed on the door to the bathroom. Josuke slipped lower and lower in his grasp, and managed to work up the courage to put his foot on the streaked floor.

“Sorry.” Josuke followed Okuyasu’s gaze, turning the light towards the door. “What the fuck was thaaaaaaaa-” Josuke held the vowel for a moment, then it crescendoed as he saw what was standing in the doorframe. It was something that could only be described as a compound rat. It was the size of a large dog, and its flesh writhed with the distorted forms of other rats. The thing staggered into the light of Josuke’s phone on feet composed of a dozen tiny legs. Its face shifted in the vague semblance of the rodent it mimicked, its eyes bubbled with dozens of smaller ones. Dark water dripped off its matted fur and the horrible smell of raw sewage emanated from it. Every one of its pulsing eyes locked onto Josuke and Okuyasu, freezing them to the spot. Its horrible, toothless mouth opened into a gaping hole of exposed muscle and organs, and it made no noise aside from the constant slopping and gurgling created by the throbbing, tangled muscles.

“Alright, gentlemen. I think it’s time to go.” Mikitaka yanked on Josuke and Okuyasu’s collars, jolting them out of their terror-stricken state. He then started jogging down the hall towards the exit. Josuke and Okuyasu followed his lead without hesitation. The wretched slopping sounds of the compound rat faded quickly, and was replaced by the sound of their shoes colliding with the floor and their shrieks of horror. They reached their lockers and frantically shuffled through them for their belongings, all the while listening to the slopping sound in the hall slowly grow closer and closer. The second they had all their things, they slammed their lockers shut and burst out the front doors of the school. The sky was darkening, the wind was howling, and the three of them didn’t stop until their view of the school was eclipsed by the rest of the town.

Josuke leaned against a brick wall, heaving, out of breath. He stuttered for a solid fifteen seconds before managing to choke out a coherent sentence. “Was that real?”

Okuyasu sat cross legged on the ground, head in his hands, while Mikitaka was doubled over and staring a hole in the sidewalk. Mikitaka looked between the other two. “Do… do you think we could have misperceived the swarm as a singular creature due to fear?” Of course they hadn't. Josuke knew what he'd seen, but to believe his own eyes would mean knocking down his entire perception of reality.

“Let’s go with that,” Okuyasu said breathlessly. He rubbed his temples with a hysterical smile. “Yeah! Let’s go with that! ‘Cause if that thing was real, then I’m going to go off the deep end!”

Josuke laughed quietly. “I think I’m already there, man.” 

Okuyasu stood up and gingerly rolled his shoulder. He winced in mild pain. “Oof. Eyeah. That’s gonna bruise.” Josuke took one last deep breath before recovering from his prolonged sprint. 

“You good?”

“I’m still hungry is what I am.”

Josuke raised an eyebrow. “Seriously? After seeing all that?”

It was Okuyasu’s turn to laugh. “Yeah!” He slapped Josuke’s arm. “You wanna hit up that Italian place? Oh, and you can come too if you want, Mikitaka.”

Mikitaka waved a hand in dismissal. “No, I have food at home. I should get going. It was good to talk to you two though.” He lingered indecisively for a second, then stuck out a hand. Josuke looked at him, confused, before realizing what Mikitaka wanted. He laughed and returned the awkward handshake, practically shattering Mikitaka’s hand with the force of it. Mikitaka’s face tensed an imperceptible amount. When he drew away, his hand remained stiff and his voice was strained. “Thank you. I’ll see you around.”

As Mikitaka walked off robotically, Josuke turned to Okuyasu. “Weren’t you just complaining about how expensive that place is?”

Okuyasu leaned his back against the wall. “Yeah, but if a giant sewer rat swarm taught me anything, it’s that you have to go out and do things you enjoy before you die. YOLO I guess.”

Josuke nodded, and a smile spread across his face. “Alright,” he said. “I’m not buying for you though.”

The school was closed the next two days due to ‘pipe leakage’. People in hazmat suits were spotted carrying a large, dripping sack off the premises. Josuke and Okuyasu elected to ignore it and go get ice cream.


	6. Chapter 6

Josuke hadn’t seen The Hand in almost a week. His absence was abrupt and completely unceremonious, and Josuke was starting to get genuinely worried. The rest of his life carried on as usual. School was still boring, Okuyasu was still a bombastic dumbass - albeit more spacey than usual - and now he was even hanging out with Mikitaka. But when he got home and logged into the server, everything felt so utterly empty. What was once a bustling town was just a collection of colored blocks without his friend there to make it all worth something. Sure, there was Harvest, but even the kid’s unbridled enthusiasm couldn’t stir Josuke’s spirit. He felt lost, and it hadn’t even been a week. It would have been bearable if he knew why The Hand was gone, if he’d gone on a vacation, or gotten a job, or if he’d just quit playing. But there had been no special goodbye. He was there one minute and gone the next.

But it had only been a week. Josuke tried to rationalize it. Maybe he’d just forgotten to mention a vacation. Maybe he was having trouble with his internet. Maybe he was overwhelmed with school. Maybe he was having a family emergency. Maybe he had suddenly come down with a really bad disease. Maybe he’d gotten into an accident. Maybe he was dead. Maybe he just didn’t care about Josuke.

Somehow that last idea was just as worrying as the idea that he could be dead. Josuke knew it wasn’t true, of course, but the idea that he’d spent the last two years building an entire life with someone who would just leave him like that… it was concerning. It stood outside his window and threatened him with a butcher’s knife. And maybe it was selfish to think about that when there could be something seriously wrong with his friend. Maybe he was a selfish person, but the thought wouldn’t leave him. It was killing him.

And without The Hand around to distract him, Josuke was forced to do some introspection. He delved into the empty caverns below the earth, in search of something that would fill the void. The mobs were cleared and torches placed, and he came to a dead end. It was a near perfectly spherical room. The floor was dirt, the walls stone, and through some miracle of world generation, a single rose grew just off the center of the room. Josuke lit up the cave, and sat in contemplation of the flower. Its red pixels broke the brown and grey backdrop. Even in the dark, among the undead and walking bombs, it thrived. Josuke admired it for that. To exist, to live just to spite the world, it was something Josuke wished he could do. But to exist alone, to live among things that would do their best to destroy you if they knew you, truly knew you, would be torture. 

But Josuke was alone, wasn’t he? The only difference between him and the rose was that he pretended he didn’t need anything. He could not defy the world, only camouflage himself and hope no one decided to wash away the veneer. Because who would want to see him as he really was? Who would ever trade the pretty, cool, confident delinquent for some Minecraft-playing, hand-flapping, emotion-having genderfreak? Because if he stopped performing for even a second, everything would fall to pieces.

So Josuke looked around the small cave and began working. He hadn’t claimed this area, and he didn’t care. He laid out cobble slabs and water streams, making the room into a hidden oasis. The flower remained perched on its dirt block, defiant even as the world was transformed around it. It was a small act of kindness, to give this flower something beautiful. And it was pointless. The thing had no consciousness, but Josuke worked nonetheless. He stepped back to observe his creation, and a warmth seeped into him.

Someone loved this flower. Someone had given it peace, and a place to call its own. Its burden was lightened and its world was kind. And for a second, Josuke could envision himself in its place. He could imagine what it would be like to drop the facade, for someone to want to reach for him though those brambles and still love him. He wanted it more than anything. He wanted to be loved for who he was. He wanted to be kissed, and held, and cherished. But every thought that passed through his mind made him want to scream at himself. The thought of another person’s hand in his own made him feel sticky inside. It made him a bad person, because in the end, to ask someone to love him was a selfish act. And to love someone, to want someone, it was nothing but avarice. Josuke couldn’t bring himself to want, and he didn’t know it, but it really was killing him.

It wasn’t a panicked death, not the kind of death Okuyasu had been dealt. It wasn’t the kind of death that forced your head under the water, the kind that set your lungs on fire and didn’t stop. It wasn’t the kind of death that let you breathe just once, only to force you back under when you least expected it. Josuke’s death was far more insidious. It was the kind that told him he was fine. It was the kind that made him convince himself that the pyre below him wasn’t ablaze, the kind that slowly sent sparks into the kindling. The fire that had started when he was just a child grew slowly, imperceptibly, and now that it raged around him he didn’t even know he was burning. He stood on the coals willingly, and waited to crumble to ash.

**TheHand joined the game**

Josuke almost missed the chat message in his contemplation of the room he’d built. He let out a sigh of relief and typed out a whispered greeting in record time.

**CrazyDiamond:** hey man!

**CrazyDiamond:** where have you been??? I missed you!

It took The Hand an uncharacteristically long time to respond.

**TheHand:** hi

This clipped response gave Josuke a pause. His brow scrunched in worry as he tried to keep his own response casual.

**CrazyDiamond:** I’m pretty far away from town right now

**CrazyDiamond:** I’ll head back though

**TheHand:** ok

**CrazyDiamond:** I waited to finish the greenhouse btw

**TheHand:** ok

**TheHand:** I missed you too

**CrazyDiamond:** are you alright dude?

**TheHand:** huh? Yeah! I’m totally fine!

**TheHand:** fit as a fiddle!

**TheHand:** cool as ice!

**CrazyDiamond:** ok…..

**CrazyDiamond:** you just seem…. idk off I guess

**TheHand:** I mean I guess

**TheHand:** had a weird week idk

**CrazyDiamond:** do you wanna talk about it?

The Hand did not respond. Josuke tapped his desk nervously before deciding to just head back to their town. He was quite a way out, and the trip back took a full ingame night. During the whole ordeal, The Hand offered no further communication. It felt wrong.

Finally, the skyline of their town came into render distance, and along with it came The Hand’s name tag. He stood still in the first floor of his house.

**CrazyDiamond:** bro you will not believe what happened to me at school last week

**CrazyDiamond:** I barely believe it myself lol it was fucking NUTS

Once again, The Hand didn’t respond. He instead moved over to their wheat farm and started harvesting the rows of grain.

**CrazyDiamond:** ………

**CrazyDiamond:** TH?

**CrazyDiamond:** bro?

The Hand stopped dead in his tracks and stared at the ground, seeds in hand. There was a long stretch of nothing as Josuke waited for him to finish typing.

**TheHand:** dude i dont know if i can be here right now

**CrazyDiamond:** are you ok?

**TheHand:** not really

**TheHand:** but

**TheHand:** i dont know its just a lot

**TheHand:** you probably dont wanna hear it

**TheHand:** idk i dont wanna be here when im sad

**TheHand:** like i thought logging on would make it better but its not better

**CrazyDiamond:** you can tell me anything man

**TheHand:** i just cant do it right now

**TheHand:** you and this town are too good to dump it all into

**TheHand:** i probably sound insane right now haha

**CrazyDiamond:** you don’t

**CrazyDiamond:** I promise

**CrazyDiamond:** there’s actually something I wanted to show you if you think it would help

**TheHand:** is it cool?

**CrazyDiamond:** it’s pretty cool :)

**TheHand:** …...ok I’ll bite

**CrazyDiamond:** you ever hear of 2b2t?

* * *

The second they entered the server, they sprinted away from the chaos of spawn and towards the relative peace of the nearest forest biome. Broken terrain passed beneath their feet as they dashed madly across the map. Players, though few and far between, were all completely feral, and the pair avoided them at all costs. Soon enough, they managed to make it to an intact forest, and gathered the materials necessary to not starve to death. They executed this process quietly, and though they didn’t speak, they worked together like cogs in a well-oiled machine. Eventually, they had resources enough for a decent jaunt around the server. And thus began their exploration of 2b2t.

It wasn’t a particularly eventful journey. They walked across chunks of untouched earth and marred landscapes of cobble and fire. They saw crumbling, griefed ruins alongside towering testaments to the human spirit. They passed through deserts and forests and long stretches of ocean in silence, battling the creatures of the night as they went, and came to rest on a mountain top. The sun rose over the snow-covered trees below, and as Josuke watched The Hand wait at a furnace for their pork chops to cook, a strange feeling hit his heart. He knew then and there that he was in love with this man, no matter what reservations he’d had. And though his fingers hovered over the keyboard, he couldn’t bring himself to break the silence. So he watched the sunrise frame him, listened to the soft piano of _ Dry Hands _ fade in, and waited for the monsters on the foothills below to crumble to ash.

**TheHand:** ok

**TheHand:** I think I want to talk about it now

**TheHand:** if that’s ok with you

**CrazyDiamond:** of course

**CrazyDiamond:** can’t promise the best advice though

**TheHand:** that’s ok

**TheHand:** I just want someone to listen

**CrazyDiamond:** I’m all ears

**CrazyDiamond:** er

**CrazyDiamond:** eyes in this case

The Hand tossed a couple pork chops Josuke’s way before turning to face the snow-covered land.

**TheHand:** my dad died on wednesday

**TheHand:** which is why I haven’t been on

**CrazyDiamond:** oh

**CrazyDiamond:** that’s really terrible

**CrazyDiamond:** I’m so sorry

**TheHand:** not your fault haha

**TheHand:** not really anyone’s fault

**TheHand:** it was a long time coming

**CrazyDiamond:** I never knew my dad but my grandpa kinda filled in for him

**CrazyDiamond:** he passed away a couple years back so I know how that must feel

**TheHand:** I mean

**TheHand:** I guess

**TheHand:** did you love your grandpa?

**CrazyDiamond:** of course I did

**TheHand:** I don’t think I loved my dad

**TheHand:** he’d been in a bad way for a long time before he died and I knew it was gonna happen

**TheHand:** he wasn’t a good person either

**TheHand:** I think I wanted him to be though

**TheHand:** I barely remember him the way he was before he got sick and I guess I always hoped he’d get better

**TheHand:** he didn’t

**TheHand:** obviously

**TheHand:** even though part of me hated him I’m really upset about it because I wanted to be able to forgive him

**TheHand:** and now he’s dead and it’s never gonna happen

**TheHand:** hell I didn’t even really get to know him

**TheHand:** it’s so crazy how you can lose something you never even had

**TheHand:** my brother is actually happy he died. and I guess he has a right to be. he probably remembers all the shitty stuff he did way better than me

**TheHand:** but I can’t even try to talk to him about anything because he’s such a dick sometimes and I can’t talk to my friends about it and I don’t have any other family

**TheHand: **we barely even had a proper funeral

**TheHand:** so now I guess I’m dumping it all on you because I don’t have anything else and I don’t know how long I can keep it bottled up

**TheHand:** god I’m sorry that was way too much

**CrazyDiamond:** TH

**CrazyDiamond:** you’re fine

**CrazyDiamond: **you’re my friend and I’ll always be here for you

**CrazyDiamond:** no matter what happens irl you can come to me when you need it

**CrazyDiamond:** things will get better for you

**CrazyDiamond:** I swear

**TheHand:** ugh you’re too nice to me

**CrazyDiamond:** no one could ever be too nice to you <3

**TheHand: **idk about that…

**CrazyDiamond:** oh come on don’t talk like that

**CrazyDiamond:** you’re an upstanding guy

**CrazyDiamond:** you’re really the only reason I still play minecraft tbh

**TheHand:** 1 out of 10 doctors agree

**TheHand:** I’m upstanding whatever that means

**CrazyDiamond:** 1/10????

**TheHand:** I guess that’s all I really need

Another soft song flowed through Josuke’s speakers, and he wondered if The Hand could hear it as well. The sun was at its apex, and in the distance a few wolves wandered in their random patterns. There were no players in sight. The two of them sat on their twenty chunk long island together, content.

**CrazyDiamond:** hey

**TheHand:** yeah?

**CrazyDiamond:** I wanna build something here

**TheHand:** ok

**TheHand:** what do we need?

**CrazyDiamond:** well I don’t wanna do it today

**CrazyDiamond:** maybe not tomorrow

**CrazyDiamond:** but someday I wanna build a path all the way to the farlands

**CrazyDiamond:** it would be lined with bushes and covered in flowers

**CrazyDiamond:** you and me could work together and go as far as we could

**CrazyDiamond:** and at the end of it all we could make a home where no one can reach us

**CrazyDiamond:** just us away from anything else, no one to tell us what to do or where to build

**CrazyDiamond:** and neither of us would have to worry about what anyone thought of us

**CrazyDiamond:** physics wouldn’t work and the world would be broken but I wouldn’t mind it if you were there

**TheHand:** that sounds really nice

**TheHand:** but isn’t it impossible to get there?

**CrazyDiamond:** I don’t give a shit

**CrazyDiamond:** we’ll make it possible

**CrazyDiamond:** it might take a lifetime but we’ll do it

**TheHand:** bro you’re crazy

**TheHand:** it’s a plan

**TheHand:** you and me and fuck everything else

Snow fell in the taiga below, and rain fell on the mountain above. The music faded out and left only the hissing of rain and the distant bark of wolves.

**CrazyDiamond:** hey TH?

**TheHand:** yeah?

**CrazyDiamond:** you’re my best friend

**TheHand:** aw :)

**TheHand:** you too man <3

Josuke didn’t know why he said that. It may have been true, but it wasn’t what he wanted to say. He could accept that he was in love with The Hand, but he couldn’t bring himself to ask for love in return. But maybe it would be ok. Maybe just knowing that The Hand cared for him, even if it wasn’t in the way he wanted, would be enough for him to get by. So long as they had their town, so long as Josuke could just be near his friend, it would be enough. 

The fire grew.

* * *

He was so enraptured in his Minecraft endeavors that Josuke had completely forgotten about Okuyasu.

It was the next day, a Friday afternoon, and the whole gang was on their way to an afterschool luncheon at a cafe. Josuke had often gone there with Koichi, but today their duo was a quintet consisting of the original two, Okuyasu, Yukako, and Mikitaka. As they walked down the street, they partook in the teen banter of vulgar delinquents melded with the unhinged ramblings of three honors students. That’s when Josuke remembered why he’d been in such romantic conflict.

Josuke’s own banter slowed to a drip while he watched Okuyasu talk. The guy generated witty comments left and right by sheer virtue of being an idiot. Even if it was unintentional, half the things that came out of Okuyasu’s mouth were hilarious, and he laughed at himself along with everyone else. When he actually tried to get an intentional joke out, he could barely talk through his own giggle fits. His whole body would scrunch up. His chin would practically disappear into his collar as his shoulders rose with his breaths, and he would smile so hard he couldn’t keep his eyes open. Josuke hadn’t seen him this happy in a while, and it made his organs tie themselves in a knot again. He didn’t know how long he could handle this for. The two of them were going to hang out at Josuke’s house again that night to play video games and such, and without the thought filter of a screen, a keyboard, and a few radio waves to disguise his horrible crush like he had with The Hand, it was only a matter of time before Josuke slipped up and said something stupid. That idea made his guts tie themselves in a different kind of knot.

So enamored by Okuyasu’s ugly laugh was he that Josuke nearly fell on his face when his shoe landed on something squishy. He immediately pulled his foot back, but his momentum carried him into a tumble. His pompadour brushed the pavement as Okuyasu caught him by the wrist and yanked him back upright.

“Shit!” Josuke shouted and flailed his arms in an effort to regain his balance. He eventually managed to establish solid footing and locate the cause of his close call.

“Oh what the hell?” Koichi put a hand to his mouth in shock. “That rat is so huge!”

The rodent that had found itself under Josuke’s foot hissed at the group before scampering off towards an alleyway. Josuke straightened himself out with a huff. “Just great. I thought the exterminators already took care of those things at the school.”

“Guess we’ll be seeing them for a while yet,” Yukako said. “Not great, but if you’re not hurt, let’s hurry it along.” _ Bossy. _ Josuke huffed again and lead the group forward. But as he drew closer to the alley the rat had disappeared into, he noticed movement. Two more rats darted around in the shadows and trash that gathered at the building walls. Josuke shuddered. They were just as big as the first one, and just as mean looking.

“I swear, next thing I know they’re gonna be crawling around in my basement or something.” Josuke skirted toward the gutter and kept his eyes on the shifty rodents in the alley. They seemed to be gathered around something, swarming and pawing at it. Through the circle of vermin, Josuke could see an object sprawled on the concrete, still, furry, and streaked in red.

“Oh no.” Okuyasu must have seen it too, because he jolted to a halt with a soft gasp. All the laughter drained from his face and was replaced by a growing melancholy. That shift pissed Josuke off to no end.

Josuke stormed into the alleyway and swung a wild kick at the small horde of oversized rats. Though his shoe caught only the air, the rats scattered in fear and disappeared into the shadows, leaving in their wake the lightly gnawed carcass of a cat.

Okuyasu stood beside Josuke, clearly trying to suppress a sad grimace. The air around the cat was void of flies, and the blood on the pavement was only just starting to dry, indicating that its death had been recent. Josuke crossed his arms as a frown spread across his face. “This sucks.”

“Yeah.” Okuyasu turned his head away from the scene. He put his hands in his pockets, and his voice cracked as he spoke. “What should we… Do we do something? Should we bury it?”

Behind them, just below Josuke’s hearing range, Koichi and Yukako talked quietly to themselves. Josuke just stood and looked down at the poor thing. It had no collar, and thus no owner, no one to miss it. It lay sprawled out on the pavement, alone, empty. But as much as Josuke wanted to give this dead thing comfort, he didn’t want to drag an animal corpse around town. He let out an uneven sigh. “I think we just have to leave it.”

“This really sucks.” Okuyasu tilted his head back and blinked furiously. Josuke put a hand on his shoulder.

“Yeah. It does.”

“Would you like me to take care of it?” Once again, Mikitaka managed to silently materialize behind them. In his hand was a plastic bag.

“Depends on what you mean by ‘take care of’,” Josuke said, moving aside to let Mikitaka take a look at the cat.

Mikitaka stood over it calmly, assessing the state it was in. “Well…” He lifted his head and stared off into space for a second. “Would the four of you like to meet me back at the cafe at around six thirty? I have… I would like to show you something.”

Josuke and Okuyasu glanced at each other nervously. Okuyasu picked at a button and shuffled back a few steps.

“Mikitaka,” Koichi said, “no offense but that sounds really Dahmer-ish.”

“Oh, no no. I assure you I won’t kill you, nor will I show you a shed full of melted animals.” Mikitaka turned to face them all. He paused as he tried to find a satisfactory way to word his proposal. “But if you would allow it, I would like to take you all on an out-of-town outing where we can pay our respects to this cat. I believe it would be enjoyable for all of us as well as comforting.”

Yukako put a hand to her chin. “At 6PM? So an overnight cat funeral? It’s an interesting idea. Where?”

“I know someone who owns a fair chunk of woodlands. I go camping there often.” Mikitaka tapped his fingers on the back of his hand and shifted his gaze to the side. “I haven’t actually taken anyone else there before. But for reasons that will become obvious, I think it would be the optimal place to hold a service.”

“I’ll have to ask my parents…” Koichi and Yukako started up a back and forth about the pros and cons of following the school weirdo into a far-off forest to hold a funeral for a cat they didn’t even know. Josuke chewed on the inside of his cheek and looked at Okuyasu out of the corner of his eye. Okuyasu was still looking at the cat even though he was at his breaking point. His fists clenched and released slowly and at random inside his pockets, and he swayed forward and backwards almost imperceptibly. Just as a drop was about to spill over onto his cheek, Josuke called his name.

“Huh?” Okuyasu frantically wiped his face and blinked back the rest of the waterworks.

“I think it would be nice to get away for a bit. You should come with me.”

Okuyasu’s ensuing laugh was cracked. “You serious?”

“Yeah! At the very least there won’t be as many rats.”

Okuyasu nodded with a crooked smile. “Alright. Fine. I’ll go. You guys are stupid.”

“You _ do _ want to bury it, right?”

“Yeah. Yeah I do.” Okuyasu crossed his arms, set his face into a harder expression, and turned to Mikitaka. “So six thirty?”

“Yes,” Mikitaka replied. “If you would. And bring supplies enough for an overnight trip.”

“Snacks?”

“If you so desire.”

“I’ll be there.” The rest of the group affirmed. They would all be there. A small smile passed over Mikitaka’s face, then he proceeded to get down to the dirty work of cleaning up the body. Josuke and Okuyasu shuffled out of the alleyway, and the group went their separate ways. Josuke was, in all honesty, a bit excited to go camping. It had been a while since he’d been able to get away from everything, and he was actually going to spend time with his friends outside of school. But on the other hand, what the hell had he just gotten himself into?


	7. Chapter 7

The sun was beginning its descent and a chill was starting to blow in from the coast. Four bags rested together on the sidewalk at the feet of four teens, all waiting anxiously to see whatever the hell was in store for them. They had changed out of their usual school uniforms into outfits more appropriate for the occasion, and they felt a bit out of place without the usual formalities.

The exact moment Josuke’s phone display switched from 6:29 to 6:30, a black van rolled to a halt on the curb. It stopped a good distance away from the four teens, who glanced at the imposing vehicle warily. The tinted driver side window rolled down with a mechanical whir to reveal none other than Mikitaka. He waved the group over and gestured for them to get in the back. The group paused outside the van, all of them somewhat incredulous.

“Woah, dude,” Josuke said, eyebrows raised, “you’re 18?”

“As far as anyone on Earth is concerned, yes.” Mikitaka casually rested his elbow on the window. The odd wording made Josuke glance side to side.

“Uh, and you have your license?”

“I have a license, yes.”

“... And it’s _ your _ license?”

“It is a licence and it is in my possession.”

The group lapsed into silence. Yukako gave Mikitaka a dead-eyed stare. Koichi coughed.

“I’m joking. I have a legitimate licence.” Mikitaka’s expression remained dead serious. He pulled out his license with a flick of his wrist and flashed it at the group. “My birthday is during break. I turned 18 before the school year started. I can guarantee you a perfectly legal and perfectly safe ride.” He once again gestured for them to hop in. Josuke didn’t get a good enough look at the licence to be able to tell if it was legit, but he didn’t really care. As long as they didn’t die there was really no problem. So the four of them piled into the van and Mikitaka got going.

They drove for a good while, far beyond the outskirts of Morioh, beyond the farmland, beyond the reach of the transmission towers, until the fields and trees around them started to blend together and the road transformed into nothing more than a gravel path. Their sparse conversation trailed off, and the engine noise faded into periphery. Josuke hugged his bag to his chest and rested his head on top of it. The treetops turned into a bobbing line, blurring together. The sun was on its way down. It wasn’t quite dusk, but the shadows were reaching the point of spaghettification. The gentle swaying of the leaves was amplified into a static on the white gravel.

Josuke swayed along with the van as Mikitaka slowed and took a sharp turn onto an almost invisible dirt road. “This is it,” Mikitaka said. They drove for a minute more before finally coming to a small clearing. Mikitaka rolled to a stop and turned off the engine. “It’s a short walk up to the grounds we’re staying at. Watch your step.”

Every joint in Josuke’s body cracked as he stepped out of the van. As he realigned his spine, Okuyasu attempted to parkour out of the van. He shouted as he tripped on the edge of the seat and careened headfirst into the ground. But as he fell, he instinctively transferred his momentum into a roll and landed unscathed in a kneeling position, arms outstretched.

“Oh shit did you see that?” Okuyasu excitedly turned to Josuke.

“See what?” Koichi asked as he rounded the front of the van. “Are you alright? I heard a shout.”

Okuyasu stood up and dusted off his knees. Josuke’s spine gave one last good pop, and he reached back to his seat for his bag. “Hardcore parkour dude. Pretty epic.”

Okuyasu grinned and picked the sticks out of his hair, then he slung his backpack (or snackpack, as he had called it, because it was full of snacks) over his shoulder. “I don’t think I’ve ever been camping before.

“I don’t know this counts as real camping,” Mikitaka said, popping open the trunk. “It’s more permanent than a couple tents.” He lifted a leg for counterbalance as he reached deeper into the van. He emerged with a box. The thing was decorated with intricately cut strips of white paper and wilting flowers. Somberness lay over the group for a moment. They’d all nearly forgotten what they were here for.

But the feeling passed with the slam of the trunk and Mikitaka began walking toward a dirt footpath. The other four followed after. Josuke paused a beat to grab his half-empty water bottle from the cupholder, and turned to see that Okuyasu was still trying to brush the dead foliage from his head.

“Here,” Josuke said, “you missed one.” He reached up and plucked a twig from Okuyasu’s hair, knocking a few locks from their careful configuration. “Shoot.” Josuke flicked the twig aside and tried to undo his mistake. Once he finished re-molding Okuyasu’s hair, he found that he had leaned in very,  _ very  _ close.

Josuke and Okuyasu locked eyes, and the air between them was electric. Okuyasu’s eyes were so dark that everything in them ran together. Josuke couldn’t tell where his pupils ended and his irises began, or maybe it was all pupil, and his irises were bleach white. He could have puzzled over it for hours. He  _ wanted  _ to puzzle over it for hours.

Okuyasu coughed and turned away suddenly, pulling his backpack straps tighter. Josuke could feel a blush creeping up on him. He shouldered his own backpack and shoved a hand into the pocket of his jorts. “Sorry,” he said, “I should have asked-”

“It’s fine!” Okuyasu said loudly as he started up a brisk, mechanical walk towards the others. The rest of the group was already at the start of the path, and quickly making their way into the woods. Josuke shook the sticky feeling of affection off his skin and followed.

Despite Koichi’s short little legs, he took the uphill slope faster than the rest of them, only keeping behind Mikitaka for fear of getting lost. Yukako somehow maintained her usual murderwalk on the beaten road while Josuke followed behind a mildly stumbling Okuyasu. Further up the slope and to the group’s right was a strange sight. Visible through the gaps in the treetops was a transmission tower. It loomed imposingly over them, too far to see clearly and too close to ignore.

“Hey, Mikitaka,” Josuke shouted over the distance between them. “What’s up with that tower?”

Mikitaka smoothly transitioned to walking backwards down the path as he shouted back at Josuke. “What do you mean?”

“I mean, why is it there? Who built it and what does it do?”

Mikitaka pursed his lips in thought. “It’s always been there.” Josuke furrowed his brow.

“Huh?”

“It’s just always been there. For as long as I can remember. I don’t think even the guy who owns the place knows why.”

Okuyasu glanced up at the thing nervously. “That’s, uh, kinda freaky.”

“Oh?”

“Feels like it’s watchin’ me.”

“It’s not sentient, I assure you. In fact, we’ll be camping in the area around the base of it. It’s perfectly safe. The only way you could get hurt in this forest is if you mess with something of your own volition. There’s no monsters out here. Just don’t go too far off the path and you’ll be fine.” Mikitaka turned forward again. Okuyasu took another nervous look at the tower. “Oh, and if you see any stairs in the woods, don’t touch them. In fact it’s better not to look at them either.”

Okuyasu glanced back at Josuke, eyes wide. Josuke could feel his heartrate slowly start to climb. “What the hell does that mean?” He asked.

Mikitaka remained quiet. Okuyasu pulled the straps on his backpack as tight as they would go. “Dude what happens if we touch them!? You can’t just say stuff like that!”

“I’m joking,” Mikitaka said. “You aren’t going to see any stairs in the woods. It was a joke.” His flat tone made it impossible to tell if he was lying. Josuke chose to believe it was a joke. “But in all seriousness, don’t go too far off the path. Getting lost is easier than you think.”

“Yeah…” Koichi warbled. “Yeah, ok. That makes me feel safe.”

Yukako giggled. “Oh come on! Do you guys really still believe in ghosts and all that stuff?”

Josuke and Okuyasu glanced at each other, then up at Mikitaka, who looked back at them out of the corner of his eye. 

“No.” The three replied in unison.

“Honestly,” Koichi said, “I’m more worried about getting stranded out here, or maybe a really big animal attacking us.”

“Well you shouldn’t have to worry about that,” Yukako replied, pulling a machete out of her backpack. She casually tapped her palm with the flat of the blade. “If anything tries to kill us we’ll just have a bigger dinner.”

“Woah, woah! Where’d you get that!?”

“I took a trip to the city once and almost got robbed by some goons. Bashed their heads in and stole it off them. Yakuza doesn’t mess with my uncle anymore.”

“Excuse me, what?”

“W-what did your uncle do?” Okuyasu sputtered.

Yukako skillfully sheathed the machete. “You know, I’m not really sure. I think he told me one time when I was little, but I was too busy forcing spiders to fight to the death in a shoebox.”

Mikitaka slowed to a halt and turned to look at Yukako. “I… I hope you don’t take this the wrong way, but you are definitely the scariest thing in this forest.”

“Aw, thank you! I try.”

Mikitaka stared at her for a second longer, then turned around and started walking again. Once the weird vibes dissipated, he started a lecture about wilderness safety, about what to do if someone got lost, about how to find clean water and not freeze to death at night, and it was all pretty useful info. Josuke listened well, and as he did, his gaze absentmindedly wandered from the transmission tower, to the wilderness around them, and finally came to rest on Okuyasu. He’d been staring for a good few minutes before he realized exactly what he’d been doing. He looked away in embarrassment. The way he saw it, this trip was going to end in one of two things: either he’d slip up and do something embarrassing, or he’d trip on a branch and bust his brain on a rock. Neither were very appealing options, but he couldn’t just back out now. It was going to be torture.

Before Josuke knew it, the group arrived at their destination. The sun was dipping into the horizon, and the five of them stood at the base of the looming transmission tower. From there, they realized that the tower itself was not the strangest thing about the place. No, what was even stranger was the fact that there was an entire house built directly into it. Clothes dried on wires that hung around the place, platforms crisscrossed the support beams, and at the bottom of it was a shelter and a fire pit. Outside the boundaries of the tower was a garden, and a bit further away was a very sturdy looking tent, around which camping equipment was neatly piled.

“Hm,” Mikitaka scanned the area curiously. “He seems to have gone somewhere… probably getting water from the river or something.”

“Who’s gone somewhere?” Koichi asked.

“The guy who lives here. Toyohiro.” Mikitaka took one last look around and shrugged. “He’s probably not far. He never leaves the woods.”

“Seriously?” Josuke raised an eyebrow. “Not even to like, go into town and get food or something?”

“Nope.” Mikitaka shrugged again and made his way toward the canvas tent. The others followed and dumped their bags at the tent entrance.

“So what now?”

“We came here for a reason, did we not?”

Josuke once again looked down at the box that Mikitaka carried. The decoration really was beautiful, and it appeared to be handmade. But the mournful beauty of the thing only added weight to Josuke’s heart. Mikitaka held something so wonderful, and it would end so soon, buried, never to be beheld again. Another bout of somberness washed over the group, and Mikitaka, for the first time all day, frowned softly.

“Let’s get this done before nightfall. Follow me.” He cradled the box under one arm and grabbed a shovel from the pile of supplies by the tent. The rest of them followed him down another dirt path.

This path was much shorter than the first. It continued uphill, and ended abruptly in a clearing. And when Josuke reached the clearing, he realized exactly why Mikitaka had wanted to bury the cat there. The other end of the clearing was not lined by trees, but was marked by a steep ridge. The forest continued for a good while on the ground below until the trees dwindled and the landscape turned into a field of tall grass and swaths of sunflowers. The scene was breathtaking, and Josuke thought it would be an alright place to die.

Mikitaka set the box down gently in the middle of the clearing, and plunged the shovel into the earth. “You four should get rocks of some kind to make a marker,” he said. “Don’t go too far though.” The rest of them nodded and got to work.

By the time the hole was dug and a good sized pile of rocks was amassed, the sun was halfway sunk below the earth, painting the world in a soft red light. They all surrounded the hole, and Mikitaka slowly lowered the box into it. He then stood up and joined the rest of them in their respectful silence. Mosquitoes buzzed in the dusk, and it was only a matter of time before they started getting bitten, but they stood over the small grave for a long while before anyone spoke.

“Would anyone like to say a few words?” Yukako asked. They all glanced around at each other until Koichi cleared his throat.

“Um. Well, Mr. Cat, none of us really knew you, but I’m sure you were a great… cat. All cats are great cats. And you were no exception. Rest easy.” Koichi pressed his lips tight together and glanced around expectantly at the others. Yukako went next.

“I don’t know how you died, but whatever happened, I’m sure you never gave up. You had a fighting spirit till the very end, and I know in my heart that you fought those huge rats until your last breath. The fight is over now, and you can sleep.”

There was another bout of quiet, just wind and mosquitos, then Josuke took his turn. “You were alone when we found you. You didn’t have a collar, and you didn’t have a family, but that doesn’t mean people didn’t love you. When you walked by, all cute and fuzzy, I know it must have made people happy. But beyond that, you lived for yourself. You survived all the cold winters and hot summers, and you got so far. And you may have died alone, but we’re here with you now. May your soul find peace in whatever comes after.”

The mosquitoes were getting louder, coming dangerously close to Josuke’s ears and brushing against his exposed legs. The sun sank lower, and the light’s color deepened. Mikitaka took his turn. “Though your fate was unavoidable, it is a tragedy that you were taken so soon. The sun will rise on another day, and it will be colder for lack of your presence. You danced your cosmic dance with steps more graceful than any of your kind. Rest in peace, Mr. Cat.”

The sun slipped further and further, and the shadows stretched on for what seemed like miles. Finally, it was Okuyasu’s turn. “I could try and think of something. I could try and talk about what you were probably like, and I could try to say something comforting. But I never knew you. I never got the chance. When we met, you were already gone. I don’t know how you can lose something you never had, but it still hurts. I don’t know why, but it does, and I think that’s the thing that sucks the most. I wish I could have known you.”

As Okuyasu finished his eulogy, Yukako offered the bouquet of wildflowers she held. They each took a few flowers, and after picking off most of the stem, took turns laying them into the grave. They all took one last look at the grave, and then Mikitaka began shoveling dirt back into the hole. 

Koichi sniffed and wiped a tear from his cheek. Next to Josuke, Okuyasu was openly weeping. Josuke himself could feel a yank at his heartstrings and a pressure in his sinuses, but he shook it off, opting instead to try and lighten the mood.

“Oh come on dude,” he said, slapping Okuyasu’s shoulder, “you don’t have to cry  _ that _ hard.”

“Shut up, I’m sensitive!” Okuyasu crossed his arms and continued to silently weep. Josuke roughly patted his shoulder.

“Will smores make it better?”

“Probably not.” Okuyasu took a deep breath and turned to face Josuke. “I mean, it’s not just about the cat, it’s, um…” He trailed off and started focusing on Josuke’s neck with a laser intensity. Without warning, he slapped the side of Josuke’s neck full force. Josuke stumbled in shock.

“Dude what the fuck?”

“Mosquito!” Okuyasu held up his hand, and sure enough, there was a brown and red stain. A big one. “Shit, that one was a thickie.”

Josuke still reeled, hand to his neck, teeth clenched. “OW.”

“Oh damn are you ok man? I didn’t mean to hit you that ha-AHG!!!” Okuyasu shouted and slapped his own arm. The other three were also starting to flinch as the pests landed on them in search of blood.

Koichi shook a leg out furiously to try and dislodge a bug. “Ok, one of you better have brought bug spray, because I didn’t!”

“There’s some back at the tent,” Mikitaka said calmly. He jolted a limb each time he felt a bug land. “We should probably head back before we get eaten alive.”

Josuke was still recovering from Okuyasu’s death slap, but the mosquitoes didn’t grant him any down time. “Jesus dude, who the fuck let you be so strong?” He rightened himself and followed the others as they quickly retreated back towards the transmission tower.

Okuyasu laughed. “Bro, I’m not that strong.”

“Yeah? Well you hit like a pickup truck.”

Okuyasu laughed again, nervous this time. “Is it that bad?”

“No, I’ll be fine. Just warn a guy next time.” Stray leaves and twigs battered Jouske’s face as they jogged down the path.

“Yeah, next time I roundhouse you in the face I’ll be sure to ask first.”


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Quick heads up: there's one last scary thing at the end of this chapter...

Bugspray applied and their fire lit, the five of them sat down for some snacks and chat. The fire cast the campsite in a calming glow, which was broken by the unease the transmission tower emanated. But the four newcomers eventually managed to tune out the horrible vibes and have a good time with their late dinner. Mikitaka’s phone was hooked up to a speaker set and played Mika quietly in the background. Josuke sat on the ground, back against a log. His legs were too hot and his torso was too cold, but he had struggled too long trying to fix his position relative to the fire. There was no comfortable solution.

“So there I was, the chainsaw is busted, my mom is screaming and blasting these things with a shotgun, but they don’t die!” Yukako had a huge hunk of meat skewered on her machete. She held it over the flame, and its juiced dripped down to sizzle on the coals. “Long story short, we finally figure out that we gotta pump the shadow people full of electricity in order to kill them when my uncle crashes our car into an electrical pole and brings the wires down on top of us all. Then we sit there for a few hours before someone comes to help. The next thing I know, I’m at a Cracker Barrel and some old lady is yelling at my uncle for not speaking English and some other old lady punches her lights out. We pay her bail and she gifts me with a jade necklace that belonged to her so many greats grandmother during the US Civil War. So yeah, the Wisconsin Dells is a real experience. Highly recommend it.”

They all took a moment to absorb the story as Yukako pulled her meat from the flames and started to season it with very chunky sea salt. Mikitaka raised his hand tentatively. “One time I got abducted by aliens. They dumped me in a river and left me for dead but I temporarily developed psychic powers that allowed me to escape from the government facility I was contained in after I was rescued. I can’t move things with my mind anymore but I still have premonition dreams. They’re not that great though. They’re usually just about what commercials will be on TV during reruns of Ben Ten.”

“That’s so fucked,” Josuke whispered. Yukako ripped a chunk off her meat and offered it to Koichi. Koichi took it and held it wetly in his hand. 

“So,” he said, “anyone else have an insane story they want to get off their chest?” He looked around the circle, first at Okuyasu, then Josuke.

“Don’t look at me,” Josuke said.

“Me either,” Okuyasu said.

“Come on, spill the beans!” Yukako gestured at them with her meat machete. “There’s gotta be something!”

“Nope.”

“Nope.” Josuke crossed his legs and tapped on the log he leaned on. “Unlike you two, apparently, we’re regular.”

“Sure.” Yukako smirked.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“I mean have you ever actually looked in a mirror?”

Josuke looked around the circle, scoffing each time he made eye contact with someone. “Excuse you! I am cool, awesome, sexy, and epic!” He brushed back the sides of his pompadour and popped the collar of his oversized leopard print button up.

“Hell yeah you are bro!” Okuyasu shouted.

“Hell yeah, thanks bro!” Josuke shouted back. “Down low!” Josuke and Okuyasu high-fived awkwardly from their positions in the circle. Yukako gave them a look that carried some kind of deep knowledge and took a bite off her meat machete.

“Well then,” she said, “why don’t we talk about something normal.” There was a long, terrifying pause. The fire crackled, and Mikitaka’s marshmallow caught fire. Yukako grinned brightly, mischievously. Her voice took on the tone of a teen girl who _ didn’t _ fight shadow people in some obscure US state. “Oh, I know!Anyone here have a crush?”

Now, the way Josuke saw it, there was only three ways this could end. The first option was to lie, and have Yukako interrogate him because he was a mediocre liar at best and she would see right through him. That would lead into either him getting waterboarded, or the other two options. Number two was telling his closest friends that he was in love with a guy he met in a video game for babies, and that he was on the verge of risking it all to be able to put their Minecraft beds next to each other. The third option was to go entirely stupid and confess his crush to Okuyasu, which… wasn’t a horrible option, in all honesty. Josuke could do it without dying, but there was too much clogging up his internal workings that prevented it. There was still the dilemma of being in love with two people, there was the fact that if he got rejected he’d have no escape other than death for the next 12 hours, and of course, there was that invisible rope that bound him to his personal pyre. So all in all, he was stuck between a rock, a rock, and a hard place.

But if Josuke learned anything from hours of playing Minecraft survival games, it’s that you shouldn’t partake in things you can’t win. Sometimes it’s just best to sprint jump away. “Actually,” he said, standing, “I’ve gotta take a shit. I’ll be right back.”

“Ew, gross!” Okuyasu replied. “Leave one, don’t take one!”

Josuke turned to Okuyasu with a look of confused horror, brow furrowed and mouth stretched into an uncomfortable half-smile. “I. Alright. I hate that I had to hear that with my ears.” 

Koichi and Yukako laughed. Mikitaka blew off his smoking marshmallow and looked at Josuke. “Never heard that one before?”

“No?”

“Really?” He popped the crispy sugar cylinder into his mouth. “Ok. Weird. Well, have fun.”

“Right…” Josuke started off in a random direction and chose the nearest path.

“Be careful!” Mikitaka called after him. “That one gets a little precarious at some parts. Don’t lose your footing!” Josuke waved a hand in acknowledgement and continued on his way.

* * *

Having taken care of business, Josuke decided to go for a walk. The path he chose was straight and didn’t branch, so as long as he stayed on it, he wouldn’t get lost. His phone flashlight illuminated the forest around him. To his left was an endless sea of trees, and to his right was another steep ridge, this one much shorter than the one where they'd held their wake. The mosquitoes had chilled out a bit, and the night air was calm. Bright stars shimmered through the leaves above. The cold air and the crunch of sticks and rocks under Josuke’s feet calmed him, recharged him. Finally, he was away from people, and he could relax. 

He was so deep in his relaxed state that he had forgotten what Mikitaka had said about the path. He was caught up in the forest around him, and wasn’t looking where he was walking. A step landed too close to the edge of the ridge. Loose dirt collapsed under his weight and his balanced was thrown. He flailed his arms silently for a second, breath caught in his throat. Gravity punched him in the gut, and then he was falling. He frantically covered his head with his arms and braced for impact. His elbows and knees hit the dirt slope hard. He rolled down and down, and finally came to rest on the rough ground below.

He clenched his teeth and forced a scream out of his nose. There wasn’t a single part of his body that hadn’t taken a blow, and he winced as he lowered his arms to his sides. He lay in a supine position. His phone was a few feet from him, answering the light of the stars with its flashlight’s rays. Far to his right was a pond that reflected the moon in a perfect mirror image. Josuke took a deep breath in and decided to get up.

And then he didn’t. He sat there, looking up at the cloudless sky, watching the imperceptible steps of a cosmic dance on a scale he couldn’t have fathomed in a million years. It was as if the heavens themselves bore down on his chest. In the dark, the emptiness, he lay motionless. _ What the hell am I doing? _ The thought crossed his mind, and it was directed at nothing. Or rather, it was directed at the nebulous concept of _ him _. What was he doing? Who the fuck was he? Along with the wind, something important had just been knocked out of him. The stars shone down and the mosquitoes buzzed, and it was like he could feel the background radiation of the universe. His body filled up with a hollow static and he shut his eyes to the blinding cosmic fire above. He just sat and breathed, bathed in the void. 

He decided to play dead for a while. The ache from his fall turned into the sensation of decay in his mind. His body fell away, first his fingers and toes, then his hands, his arms, his legs, until he was just a sticky mess. The dead leaves under his head turned into dried petals as mushrooms crept from between his ribs. Everything, everything melted away until even his bleached bones sunk below the earth. He opened his eyes and took in the starlight again.

He was so empty, so superficial and so in love all at once, and it was killing him. And this time, he knew it.

“JOSUKE!” The voice nearly gave Josuke a heart attack. From above came the crumbling of dirt and the scuffling of shoes. “JOSUKE!” Josuke lifted his head from the ground to see Okuyasu frantically scrambling down the crumbling slope.

“Jesus shit dude, WHAT?” Josuke sat up. Okuyasu paused to look at him in relief, then slipped a few more inches down the ridge.

“You’ve been gone for like a half hour! I saw your phone flashlight at the bottom of a damn cliff and I thought you fuckin’ died!” Okuyasu finished his descent with a small hop off the incline and made his way to Josuke’s side. He squinted through the dark at Josuke’s exposed arms and legs. “Oh dude, are you bleeding?”

Josuke rubbed his elbows and groaned. “I think it’s mostly dirt.” He started picking the muck off his joints. 

Okuyasu sighed loudly and dropped down next to him, leaning his back against the ridge. “Sheesh dude! You had me scared for a second there!” Josuke continued to pick at the dirt on his limbs. Okuyasu relaxed further into the side of the hill, quietly tapping his shoes together. “Woah… this pond’s super pretty…”

Josuke gave up trying to clean himself and looked over at the pond. Okuyasu was right, it was very pretty. Josuke shifted his position to lean against the slope next to Okuyasu. “Yeah… yeah.”

The infinitesimal current of the water made the stars wiggle just a little bit as Josuke watched it. His phone flashlight cast a ray of shimmering bugs while the light of the waxing moon shone down on the rest of the pondside.

“So…” Okuyasu said hesitantly, “why were you laying down here?”

Josuke sighed roughly. “I’ll be honest man, I just needed a break from… performing I guess.”

“Performing?”

“Yeah. You know? I don’t know. Like…” Josuke laughed. “I’m not actually cool, you know.”

Okuyasu almost looked offended. “What?! You’re _ so _ cool dude! You’re… whadda ya call it? Absolute zero! That’s how cool you are.”

Josuke leaned his head further back with an ironic smile. He paused a second before continuing. “Back when I was, I don’t know, ten or something, whenever I’d get upset I’d make these, like… weird humming noises, and when I was really happy I’d shake my hands out like this.” He let his wrists go limp and shook his hands in front of him. “But then one time I noticed that people looked at me like I had two heads whenever I did it, so I stopped. I don’t even do it when no one’s around now. And I don’t really talk about the things I like because they’re embarassing, and even when I’m lost in class, I don’t ask questions because I don’t wanna look stupid. Do you see what I’m getting at?”

“... yeah, I think so.” Okuyasu said slowly as he picked at the seam of his pants. He sighed. “But… what’s the point of getting people to like you if they don’t like _ you _?”

“I don’t know. I just have this feeling that if people don’t think I’m the coolest guy around, that I’m normal, _ worth something _, I’ll just disintegrate or something. So I put on airs and pretend I'm a real person.”

Okuyasu smiled in confusion. “What, are you a robot or somethin’?”

Josuke smiled back. “Feels like it sometimes. Like I’m just a sentient ball of tangled circuitry piloting a shoddy Halloween costume of what’s-his-face from _ Grease _.”

Okuyasu laughed at that. “Oh, come on. You’re way prettier than John Travolta! And anyway, being a little weird isn’t gonna make people not like you.”

Josuke scoffed. “And you know that how?”

“‘Cause I like you, bro.”

Josuke’s heart stuttered. He could practically feel the blood flow into his face. The hand that scraped the dirt off his elbow twitched and pulled up a scab along with the grime.

“I already knew you talked to jammed doors,” Okuyasu continued. “I know you’re terrible at platformers, and that you eat jelly out of the jar when your mom’s not looking, and that you’re scared of turtles and get way too into Just Dance. I know you, I think I do, at least, and I still like you.”

Josuke managed to calm himself down. Those stupid traits almost made him sound cute. “You’re a really great guy, Okuyasu. You know that?”

“Aw, gee.” Josuke could practically hear the smile in his voice. Then Okuyasu huffed and tugged at something under his shirt in discomfort.

“Oh shit dude,” Josuke raised his eyebrows, “have you taken that off at all today?”

Okuyasu frowned. “Eh, one long day isn’t gonna hurt.”

“It could.” Okuyasu didn’t respond. Josuke shifted his serious tone to a more joking one. “Seriously dude, you need to go easier on yourself, like, in general, I think.”

“Easy for you to say. I’m a medically certified idiot.” 

Josuke laughed. “Well, you’re definitely not the sharpest tool in the shed, but you’re still in the shed, right?”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“You’re dumb as bricks but your value as a human being isn’t any less for it. Love yourself a little, bro.”

Okuyasu crossed his arms and sucked on his teeth in thought. “How do you do it, man?”

“Do what?”

“How do you love yourself? How do you beat it?” Okuyasu laughed. “How do you look in the mirror without wanting to break it?”

Josuke pondered for a bit and watched the bugs swarm at his phone light. “I don’t know man. I feel like it all just comes back to the way people look at me. Like, I look at myself, and I picture all the surgeries and shots and it feels right, but I don’t really feel wrong either. Like I think could live like this, and then someone calls me ‘miss’ and I want to jump into the ocean. But other times I see myself and I think ‘ok, who the hell is this lady and who put a window in my bathroom?’ So I guess it’s less of feeling trapped and more feeling… completely and utterly lost. Like, ‘who the fuck put you on the planet? What the hell are you doing? How did nature fuck up so bad?’ Ugh, you know? Does that make any sense?”

“Yeah. It does.” Okuyasu stopped tapping his shoes and laced his fingers together. “Sometimes I’m like, ‘am I a guy or do I just hate myself?’ But then I remember that a girl’s wildest fantasy is generally not being able to pee standing up.” They both laughed.

“Really? That’s your wildest one?”

“Nah, not really. In that one, I’m a pirate captain and my first mate is madly in love with me, but I fell in love with a sexy scary fish person decades ago when I freed it from a fishing net as a young man. The whole pirate thing is just a front for me trying to find it again.”

“Oh fuck that rules. I have a recurring dream about being a noir detective. No one is in love with me, but I’m sexy as hell and I have a magic gun that fixes things.”

“Nice…” 

It _ was _ a pretty awesome dream. Josuke reflected on it for a bit before continuing with the conversation. “It wasn’t always this easy though. Not that it’s _ easy _ easy now, but…” He chewed on his lip in consideration. “So this is embarrassing, but I’m kind of the result of a _ torrid love affair _ .” He accentuated the whimsy of his phrasing with a pompous cadence and exaggerated gestures. “So I’m missing, like, half my family. My mom was young when she had me, and that combined with the whole single mom thing kinda made her family… I don’t know. Hostile? No, not hostile, just cold. I mean, my grandpa stuck it out. But that’s besides the point. The point is, me just existing was already fucking my mom over socially and financially, so when I, the bastard toddler, decided I was a boy, and my mom was ok with that… oh god, it was crazy. I felt so bad for so long. I know it’s not _ my _ fault, but I felt like I was the one wrecking her life just by being me.”

“Huh.” Okuyasu’s brain chugged along as he managed to form an insight. “Do you think maybe that’s why you’re so fucked up about people hating you?”

“Huh... You know, I think maybe it is. I think maybe you just connected the dots.”

Well that was an epiphany. They lapsed into silence for a moment and listened to the soft ambience of the forest.

"Uh, hey," Josuke said. "Since we’re on the subject of shitty stuff, I still feel really bad about the party."

Okuyasu raised his eyebrows and turned his head. "Oh, no, it's really not a huge deal. It all turned out ok in the end."

"I know, but… it must have really sucked. I wish we'd started off on a better note. I thought maybe I'd try another apology that wasn't the most awkward thing ever." He paused. "And I think I failed because this is still awkward."

"You know," the corner of Okuyasu's mouth twitched up, "it really did suck. I kinda cried like a baby when I got home. But now I know you have my back. I know _ someone _ has my back. You probably could have broken my nose that night and I still would have thanked you."

Josuke let out a quick nervous breath. "Christ dude, I think you need to raise your standards for friendship."

"Have you looked at yourself? If I raised them any higher I wouldn't have any options left." He chuckled, and there was a nervousness behind it. Josuke smirked. They once again lapsed into silence and watched the stars shimmer in the pond. “Hey, Josuke.” Okuyasu dropped his hands to the ground and looked at Josuke. Josuke looked back. “I really mean it. I think you’re really cool, and I like you a lot.”

Josuke almost snapped in half then and there. His fingers twitched on the grass, and he couldn’t look anywhere except at the stars in Okuyasu’s pupils. “Okuyasu…” His name tasted like sugar. Slowly, Josuke lifted his hand off the ground. His fingertips brushed against Okuyasu’s knuckles and his lungs filled with background radiation.

A crack from across the pond shattered the tension. Josuke and Okuyasu both instinctively looked to find the source. They froze up. _ Something _ was standing there, and it hurt to look at. Most of the thing was an unknowable mass of shifting feathers and… eyes? What parts of the thing Josuke _ could _ make out were not at all comforting. It walked on two thick, taloned bird legs. Its face was a mess of shifting things, and in the center of it all was a beak. The bottom half was broken near the base, and the top half was gnarled and overgrown. Rows and rows of human arms hung from its chest and belly and dragged dead rats across the forest floor.

Josuke only saw it for a second before he and Okuyasu shot up and ran along the ridge away from the thing. But the ridge curved, trapping them in. Okuyasu picked up a huge stick, while Josuke gripped a rock and prepared to fling it.

And then the thing wasn’t there, and in its place stood a man. He wore faded green clothes, and even in the dark Josuke could tell that his hair was the color of fire.

“Who in the god damned hell are you?” The man narrowed his eyes at them and began approaching. “How did you manage to enter my property?”

Josuke blinked. Okuyasu’s mouth hung agape. He sputtered for a second. “US?” His voice cracked. “Us?”

“Yes you.” The man gestured at them with the dead rats he held. “Who else would I be talking to?” He took another step towards them.

Josuke and Okuyasu drew back their weapons. “Woah woah woah!” Josuke shouted. “Not another step, birdbrain!”

“Bird…?” The man looked to the side in thought, then laughed in amusement. “Oh dear, you two must have hit your heads on the way down the slope.” Josuke and Okuyasu looked at each other, then at the man’s bouquet of rats. The man followed their gaze. “What? There’s been an infestation as of late.”

Josuke lowered his rock, but didn’t let it go. “Aren’t rats supposed to live in the woods?”

“Hm, yes, but these aren’t,” the man paused, considering his wording, “the correct kind of rat. If you understand what I’m saying.”

Josuke and Okuyasu looked at each other again. Okuyasu grimaced and cocked his head in the direction of the path in the universal signal of “let’s get the fuck out of here”.

“But you fellas didn’t answer my question. My forest is invite-only. What makes you think you have any right to be here?” Josuke searched for a reply that wouldn’t get them both killed. Something shifted in the man. Maybe it was just the wind tugging at the edges of his clothes and hair, but his outline almost looked blurred. Maybe it was just pulsing tendons, but it looked like something moved beneath his skin.

“W-w-w-we’re here with Mikitaka! Yeah!” Okuyasu finally blurted. “He mentioned a Toyohiro guy. That’s you, right?”

Everything uncanny about the man fell away at the mention of Mikitaka. “Oh! Well, why didn’t you just say so?” He laughed loudly. Josuke followed his lead awkwardly and carefully set his rock on the ground. Okuyasu did the same with his stick. Their laughter crescendoed, but the two teens remained ridgid. Toyohiro slapped Josuke’s shoulder, inadvertently swinging the rats into his side.

“Haha! Ok!” Josuke furiously rubbed the rat slime off his forearm and backed away. Toyohiro continued laughing.

“Well,” he said, “it’s good to know that kid is making friends. Consider yourselves welcome here anytime.”

“Right…” Okuyasu grabbed fistfulls of his own shirt and leaned into Josuke’s whispering range. “Josuke this guy is a fucking lunatic.” Josuke elbowed him hard in the ribs.

“Shut up, you asshole,” he hissed. “You saw the bird too, right?”

Before Okuyasu could answer, Toyohiro finished chuckling and cleared his throat. “Anyway, I suppose I should go say hi. You boys are free to hang out around here if you want. Just be careful of the rats. Nasty things.” He once again held up his rats as if Josuke and Okuyasu hadn’t noticed them, and began scaling the ridge without using his hands.

Josuke picked up his phone and looked at Okuyasu. “I think… I think we’re good.”

“Yeah,” Okuyasu affirmed. “We should hit the sack.” But when they looked back at the slope, Toyohiro was already gone. Josuke shone his light at the path above. Still nothing. He and Okuyasu stared into the dark forest.

“What a douchebag.”


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm gonna just rapid-fire update these since I'm going back to college on Monday lol ; 0

The following week was… weird. Toyohiro didn’t end up killing them in their sleep, despite what Josuke had expected. In fact, he was a pretty ok guy once he warmed up to the group, though at some points that night Josuke swore he could see feathers under his clothes. But after a while, Josuke thought it might have been better if he’d never made it out of that forest. 

He didn’t bring up the weird romantic tension at the pond. The second they got back to the transmission tower, they both shifted back into bro mode. And there they stayed for the whole drive back to town. School on Monday was normal, and so was Tuesday. Wednesday is when the vibes slipped a bit as Josuke noticed that Okuyasu was acting weird. The surface level stuff was normal, but there were little things he’d do that planted a feeling of unease in Josuke. He would scoot away slightly when Josuke sat by him, he’d cut their hangout sessions short with no warning, and by the time Friday rolled around, he couldn’t even make eye contact with Josuke. Had the hand touch been a mistake? Did he go too far? He must have read too deep into that “I like you a lot”. Their fingers had barely brushed, but each time Okuyasu glanced away from him awkwardly, Josuke felt like his hand was coated in tar. Was this… rejection?

All that talk about abandonment paranoia… he really shouldn’t have been surprised.

Even so, as they walked home on Friday, Okuyasu told him about some party his brother’s classmates were throwing. They were college students, and it would be “hashtag off the chain”, as Okuyasu had said. And even with the bad vibes, even though all of his organs were coated in pitch, Josuke agreed to go.

And now he played Minecraft. And it wasn’t helping in the slightest. The sticky feeling followed him everywhere, and not even the waterfalls in his underground cathedral could cleanse him. But still he played, and it was a relief to go back to something at least semi-normal. At least he could pretend he wasn’t painfully in love with his two best friends.

**CrazyDiamond:** WAIT SHIT BRO

**TheHand:** ??????

**CrazyDiamond:** I JUST REALIZED

**CrazyDiamond:** I WAS OUT OF TOWN FOR THE MONTHLY END RESET

**Harvest: **huh??

**TheHand:** oh SHIT that was saturday wasn’t it???

**CrazyDiamond:** ACK

**CrazyDiamond:** I TOTALLY FORGOT

**Harvest:** what do you mean end reset?

**CrazyDiamond:** since the end isn’t infinite the admins reset it every month so people can fight the dragon and get endstone again

**TheHand:** also makes it so that people can’t make unfair pvp bases and traps and stuff

**CrazyDiamond:** AND WE MISSED THE DRAGON FIGHT!!!!!

**Harvest:** aw man D:

**TheHand:** aaaa and it’s usually so baller too!!!

**CrazyDiamond:** it’s complete chaos

**TheHand:** it fucking rules!!!

**Harvest: **i guess there’s always next month :(

**CrazyDiamond: **yeah… :(

**TheHand:** oh wait but dude

**TheHand:** we need endstone still

**CrazyDiamond:** OH RIGHT RIGHT RIGHT I forgot

**CrazyDiamond:** for the ravine landscaping right?

**CrazyDiamond: **all the floating shit

**Harvest:** oooohh!!! that sounds cool can i help????

**TheHand:** sure you can :)

**CrazyDiamond:** you gotta help us get the endstone though

**CrazyDiamond:** we need an assload

**Harvest:** ok

**Harvest:** ive only been to the end in creative O_o

**Harvest:** this is gonna be scary……

**CrazyDiamond:** nah man it’s easy

**CrazyDiamond:** just avoid players who look like they wanna fight and keep your eyes to the ground

**TheHand:** and don’t fall off

**CrazyDiamond:** yeah don’t bite it like that

**CrazyDiamond:** it’d be embarrassing lol

**Harvest:** ill do my best!!!!

**CrazyDiamond:** that’s the spirit!

**CrazyDiamond:** ya wanna head down there right now?

**TheHand:** yeah gimme like 5 minutes

**Harvest: **:O

So the three of them got ready to jump one more dimension. With all their gear equipped, they used the server’s only teleport command and hopped into the community end portal hub. (Getting back wouldn’t be a problem. Entering the return portal would send them to their spawn points in the overworld.) They were the only three in the room, a good sign. There probably wouldn’t be too much danger of getting killed by a player. Harvest hesitated at the edge of the star-filled pit. He looked back at the other two, then down at the portal again.

**Harvest:** i dont know about this you guys

**CrazyDiamond:** don’t be a sissy :/

**Harvest:** hmmmmmmmmmmmmm :(

**TheHand:** I’ll let you feed my pet wolf

**Harvest:** scooby????

**TheHand:** yeah man

Harvest jumped into the portal immediately. The second his feet met with the inky abyss, he was gone.

**CrazyDiamond:** well that was deceptively easy

**TheHand:** thought it would take a little more than a scooby snack lol

**CrazyDiamond:** oh my god

**CrazyDiamond:** is that why you fucking named your dog scooby

**CrazyDiamond:** was that the payoff???

**CrazyDiamond:** you must think you’re such a clever man but let me tell you you aren’t

**CrazyDiamond:** scooby snack... fuck you

**TheHand:** >:D

**CrazyDiamond:** Anyway, we should make sure he’s ok over there

**TheHand:** bro what could have happened in 20 seconds

**TheHand: ** he probably didn’t even load in yet lol

**Harvest was slain by KillerQueen**

**TheHand:** O_O

**CrazyDiamond: **o__o

Josuke looked at The Hand. The Hand looked at Josuke. They both looked down at the portal.

**CrazyDiamond:** BITCH WHAT THE FUCK

**CrazyDiamond:** I’M GONNA KILL YOU

The Hand leapt into the portal while Josuke typed his threats. Josuke followed close behind. As he touched the void, the world disappeared into a loading screen. It took a bit to load the End, and when he dropped onto the obsidian platform, The Hand was already looking around frantically for Harvest’s killer. Random pieces of Harvest’s dropped inventory popped into Josuke’s, indicating that he had died at the spawn.

**Harvest:** guys wait dont do anything rash!

**CrazyDiamond:** NO NO WE’RE GETTING THIS GUY

**TheHand:** bitch you had a full diamond set!!!!!

**Harvest:** no you dont understand he ha-

Before Josuke could finish reading that message, a noise rang out in the distance, and his blood ran cold. A tick, a hiss, and a pause, and Josuke was already on his way off the obsidian platform and into the gaping crater below. The crunch of his legs was drowned out by the bang above him. The Hand had survived as well, and he bounded past Josuke, out of the path of the ballistics being fired at them both.

**Harvest:** no you dont understand he has a tnt cannon!

Josuke frantically gulped down a steak and started to tower his way out of the crater. The Hand followed his lead, only narrowly avoiding the block wide holes into the void below.

**HIGHWAYSTAR:** UGH yeah that douchenozzle set up a whole ass tower overnight just to fuck with people

**HIGHWAYSTAR:** real dick if you ask me

**HIGHWAYSTAR:** he did it pretty damn fast though so I’ll give him props for that

**HeavensDoor:** Oh, go fuck yourself! You’ve set up trap rooms around my base more times than I can count.

**HIGHWAYSTAR:** LMAO at least I’m tasteful about it ;)

Tower? Wasn’t it just a cannon? Josuke didn’t have time to ask. He was cresting the lip of the crater a few blocks ahead of The Hand. His health had mostly regenerated, but he was still in the cannon’s splash zone. The second he stepped onto safer ground, an arrow planted itself in the endstone at his feet, and there was another hiss. This time, Josuke actually saw the tnt that was launched at them, and Jesus Christ, he’d never seen anything like it. It barely even rendered as it was propelled through the air in a straight line and exploded over the obsidian spawn platform. The edge of the blast caught them both, but their armor absorbed the small amount of damage it would have dealt. Josuke looked back in the direction the tnt had come from, and nearly shit himself.

**Harvest:** so this is why they reset the end every month?

**HIGHWAYSTAR:** eyup :/

**HIGHWAYSTAR:** maniacs like that dude belong behind bars imo

Before them sat a monstrosity that barely qualified as a tnt cannon at first glance. Rows of dispensers towered up over a short water stream, and redstone lines ran around them, powering them, spacing their fire times to make sure all the tnt exploded at once. And there wasn’t just one, but four of these things, aimed in each cardinal direction. Whoever this maniac was, they had, for all intents and purposes, created four guns with ballistic rounds. What’s worse was that there was a huge trench around the thing, four blocks wide all the way down to the void with a sheer wall on the other side. There was no easy way in.

Another arrow was launched from the tower’s top, this one landing squarely in Josuke’s ribs. They couldn’t stay still. They needed cover. He and The Hand bolted for the nearest dip in the landscape, careful to keep their eyes away from any endermen, and hastily erected a wall between them and the tower.

**TheHand:** piss and also shit

**TheHand:** we gotta get out of here

**CrazyDiamond:** thank you sherlock for that brilliant deduction

**HIGHWAYSTAR:** I’ve got some bad news for yall

**CrazyDiamond:** worse than the fucking tower of babel this dude has going on???

**HIGHWAYSTAR:** yeah

**TheHand:** bitch why didn’t you warn us before we went into the portal???????

**HIGHWAYSTAR:** hey man I don’t watch the chat 24/7

**HIGHWAYSTAR:** didn’t catch you until it was too late

**HeavensDoor:** And I didn’t warn you because I hate you.

**TheHand:** D:<

**TheHand:** I hope your dick falls off

**CrazyDiamond:** balls too

**TheHand:** yeah balls too

**HIGHWAYSTAR:** lol

**HIGHWAYSTAR:** anyway you should take a good look around you because you’re in a pretty fucked shitutation

**CrazyDiamond:** what do you mean

**HIGHWAYSTAR:** notice something?

**HIGHWAYSTAR:** or I guess I should say do you not notice something?

**CrazyDiamond:** -_-

**CrazyDiamond:** cryptic ass dill weed

**CrazyDiamond:** spit it out

**TheHand:** oi cd

**TheHand:** uh.

**TheHand:** the portal back is gone

**CrazyDiamond:** what do you mean it’s gone

**TheHand:** I mean what I mean dude

**CrazyDiamond:** WHAT

**CrazyDiamond:** HOW

**TheHand:** IDK???????

**HIGHWAYSTAR:** it’s not gone

**HIGHWAYSTAR:** it’s inside his tower

**CrazyDiamond:** YOU HAVE GOT TO BE YANKING MY DICK

**TheHand:** correct me if I’m wrong but I don’t think that’s how that saying goes

**xxOVE_DELUxx:** I think it’s “yanking my chain”

**CrazyDiamond:** NO I MEAN DICK BECAUSE I’M ABOUT TO PISS MYSELF

**TheHand:** I

**TheHand:** i dON’T THINK THAT’S WHAT’S SUPPOSED TO HAPPEN WHEN YOUR DICK GETS YANKED

**KillerQueen:** you people are absolutely infantile

**CrazyDiamond:** BIG WORDS FROM A MAN HIDING IN A LEGO TOWER

**CrazyDiamond:** TROLLING PEOPLE IN A GAME FOR BABIES

**HIGHWAYSTAR:** SO HE FINALLY SPEAKS

**TheHand:** hey I’m not a baby!

**CrazyDiamond:** you’re right

**CrazyDiamond:** a game for babies and exactly two sexy bitches

**KillerQueen:** enough of this

There was a pause, and then something shattered to Josuke’s left. His health instantly dropped and he started to wall off the sides of their bunker. He heard The Hand take damage behind him, and he too started to build more defenses.

**CrazyDiamond:** splash potions??? really dude?

**TheHand:** eeesh!!! you’re thorough I’ll give you that

The Hand then dropped to a whisper as he tossed something to Josuke.

**TheHand:** ok so lucky for us we have a way up into his tower

**TheHand:** I hope you can aim these things

The item on the ground was an ender pearl. Josuke cleared a stack of dirt from his inventory and picked it up.

**CrazyDiamond:** oh hell yeah!

**CrazyDiamond:** good thinking man

**TheHand:** after the nether debacle I figured we should be prepared for anything ^_^

**TheHand:** no clue what we’re gonna do when we actually get up there tho

**CrazyDiamond:** we’ll burn that bridge when we come to it

**CrazyDiamond:** let’s get this slimebag

Josuke hyped himself up. He glanced between The Hand and the ground outside their bunker, waiting for the last particles of the splash potion to fade. His opportunity came, and he took it.

He sprinted out from their cover and toward the tower, followed closely by The Hand. He zigzagged to throw off Killer Queen’s aim. Arrows hit the ground around him, dangerously close. As soon as he was confident in his chances of sticking the landing with his teleport, he launched the ender pearl, and prayed.

His body was ripped through a bend in space and he hit the floor on the open top of the tower. The Hand appeared next to him with the crunch of reconfiguring bones. He took a second to reorient himself. They were standing in the middle of a platform inside the ring of tnt cannons. Atop the guns was another layer of the things, these being normal cannons that would fire at a closer range. There was a ladder on the other side of the platform that lead down, presumably towards the exit portal. And standing in front of them was what looked like a pink, hairless cat in leather. Josuke was a bit taken aback at the strange skin, but shrugged it off as The Hand started swinging.

Their fight was an odd one. Killer Queen had insane knockback on his sword, an enchantment Josuke usually saw as useless. But when he and The Hand couldn’t find a reliable way to land a hit on him without taking damage and getting knocked out of striking range, Josuke started to see the possibilities. It seemed like they were evenly matched, even two against one.

Josuke managed a combo, but it didn’t seem to do a whole lot. They all had very, very good armor, and plenty of healing potions, and as Josuke fell back to drink one, he heard a hiss from behind. He turned to see The Hand jumping off one of the smaller tnt cannons. The water had been removed, and the copious amount of tnt he’d released had no cushioning. _ What was that idiot doing!? _ They were all going to-

Josuke didn’t have time to finish thinking before he was knocked off the edge of the tower and onto the ground below. His legs crunched once again, and he thought he was dead, but no death screen came. He was down to half a heart thanks to the health potion he drank and his armor’s blast resistance and feather falling. And Killer Queen couldn’t have fared much better. He wasn’t at all sure about The Hand.

But when he looked up, Josuke got his answer. The Hand was perched dangerously on the edge of the tower’s moat. Behind him, the tower’s top was obliterated. He had at least managed to throw a wrench in Killer Queen’s operations. But it might have cost him dearly. The distance put between them had given Killer Queen the chance to draw his bow and point it in his direction.

“Shit!” Josuke shouted at his screen and bounded toward Killer Queen, but there was nothing he could do. He wasn’t fast enough. Killer Queen loosed his punch enhanced arrow into The Hand’s chest. The Hand flew backwards, hitting the side of the tower before his nametag was swallowed by the void below.

“SHIT!” Josuke continued on his path toward his now mortal enemy. Killer Queen turned, and in his hand was a splash potion of harming.

**KillerQueen:** not a step closer

Josuke froze. His health wasn’t regenerating anymore and he was at half a heart. One hit from that bomb and he’d be gone.

**CrazyDiamond:** motherfucker

**CrazyDiamond:** you aren’t getting away with this

**KillerQueen:** exactly what act are you referring to?

**CrazyDiamond:** KILLING MY BEST FRIEND

**KillerQueen:** ….. It’s a video game

**KillerQueen:** for babies, as you said

**CrazyDiamond:** oh piss off you started it you asshat

**KillerQueen:** in any case, there’s not much you can do, is there?

**KillerQueen:** let me guess

**KillerQueen:** you’re at half a heart, aren’t you?

Josuke remained silent, staring at his screen with unparalleled vitriol.

**KillerQueen:** this last splash potion will end you if that’s the case

**KillerQueen:** and if it wasn’t, you’d still be running my way

**KillerQueen:** drawing your bow would take too much time. I would kill you long before you could even aim

Josuke’s finger hovered over his scroll wheel, prepared to switch to food, or a potion, or something that might regenerate any health at all. But it would take too long to consume something.

**CrazyDiamond:** what’s your damage, huh?

**KillerQueen:** my damage?

**KillerQueen:** my friend, I just want to play my game in peace

**CrazyDiamond:** and you think the best way to do that is to build tnt guns?

**CrazyDiamond:** you weirdo

**CrazyDiamond:** you jackass

**CrazyDiamond:** you piece of updog

**KillerQueen:** what’s updog?

**CrazyDiamond:** NOT MUCH WHAT’S UP WITH YOU?

**HIGHWAYSTAR:** NICE

Josuke and Killer Queen stared at each other for a second, completely still aside from the gentle swaying animation of their avatars’ arms.

**KillerQueen:** :/

**CrazyDiamond:** >:D

**KillerQueen:** you’re a dead man

A few things happened at once. The splash potion was launched out of Killer Queen’s hand and toward Josuke, but at the same time, there was the crunch of bones reconfiguring and the unmistakable sound of teleportation. The potion shattered against something that wasn’t Josuke, and the particles dissipated into the ground. Josuke’s jaw dropped. Standing between him and the potion was The Hand.

Killer Queen jumped back in surprise and panickedly moved out of The Hand’s melee range.

**CrazyDiamond:** TH

**CrazyDiamond:** HOW???

**TheHand:** haha I never died

**TheHand:** I ender pearled back up to a ledge and waited for my health to come back

**TheHand:** easy >:)

**CrazyDiamond:** YOU GLORIOUS BASTARD

Josuke shoved down a steak and The Hand drew his bow. They both looked at Killer Queen, murder in their blocky eyes.

**KillerQueen:** oh no

They didn’t have time to exact their revenge. Guttural sounds of rage surrounded them. Suddenly, a very pissed enderman teleported into their little gathering. It shuddered and hissed as it swung its spindly arms at Killer Queen. There was one more crunch, and then he tilted to the side and fell to the ground, a red overlay painting his skin.

**KillerQueen was slain by enderman**

Josuke ran over to his dropped inventory and started teabagging.

**Harvest: **:D

**CrazyDiamond:** byeeeeee!

**TheHand:** :(

**TheHand:** that was so anticlimactic

**HIGHWAYSTAR:** LMAOOOOO WAS HE SERIOUSLY FINISHED OFF BY A FUCKING ENDERMAN???

**CrazyDiamond:** I KNOW IT RULES

**CrazyDiamond:** smell ya later!

The Hand ran over to the scattered inventory and began rifling through it for anything of value. Josuke laughed. He leaned back in his chair and pumped his fists at the screen.

**KillerQueen:** WHAT

**HeavensDoor:** Ok, even I have to admit that’s pretty funny.

**KillerQueen:** ARE YOU KIDDING ME?

**KillerQueen:** IN WHAT WORLD IS THAT FAIR?

**TheHand:** unlucky man U_U

**KillerQueen: **IMPOSSIBLE

**KillerQueen:** luck is always on my side!!!

**KillerQueen:** I DEMAND a rematch on fair grounds

**CrazyDiamond:** hey. hey KQ

**KillerQueen:** WHAT

**CrazyDiamond:** bitch.

**KillerQueen left the game**

**CrazyDiamond:** AAAAA BYE I LOVE YOU

**TheHand:** call soon <3

**HIGHWAYSTAR:** oh shit does that mean his dispensers are up for grabs

**Harvest:** ooh ooh!

**Harvest:** dibs on the redstone!

**CrazyDiamond:** damn though that was a crazy stunt you pulled

**CrazyDiamond:** why the hell did you decide to blow up the tower?

**TheHand:** lmao I literally wasn’t thinking

**TheHand:** turned out ok though so that’s a win in my book

**CrazyDiamond:** you are so stupid bro ily

Another person spawned into the End. Josuke put his guard up, but lowered it when he saw that the nametag read “HIGHWAYSTAR”. 

**HIGHWAYSTAR:** hot DAMN that’s a lot of dispensers

**HIGHWAYSTAR:** daddy’s eatin’ good tonight >:]

They probably didn’t have to worry about him. Nevertheless, Josuke wanted to regroup and return Harvest’s inventory before continuing on their original mission. He and The Hand got to creating a safer way into the tower, and by extension the portal back to the overworld. They hopped in, and were back on their way to their houses.

**Harvest:** aaah!

**Harvest:** actually can you guys dump my stuff in a chest?

**Harvest: **my mom is calling me i gotta go help her out :(

**TheHand:** yeah no problem buddy

**CrazyDiamond:** cya later man

**Harvest left the game**

… Ok, now what? To be honest, Josuke didn’t really want to gather endstone with one third of their team missing. He supposed he could tend to the farms for awhile. So he dumped Harvest’s things in a chest by his house and headed out into the fields. The Hand seemed to have the same idea, as Josuke saw his nametag descend into the mines. And thus they started their mind-numbing tasks. It wasn’t all that fun, but at least Jouske had company.

And now to fill the silence.

Josuke opened the chat box, then closed it. Then opened it. Then he closed it again. What was wrong with him? Stretches of silence didn’t used to be so awkward. He supposed that maybe it was the _ feelings _ acting up. He tried his best to brush it off. He really did. But every time he managed to distract himself, his mind just wandered back to Okuyasu and his anxiety over their weird vibes. That train of thought was exactly what he was running from. He couldn’t just stay quiet, but he had nothing to say. His own thoughts were too tangled up to put them to words. But finally, The Hand brought him reprieve in the form of a whispered message.

**TheHand:** hey man I think I need your help again

**CrazyDiamond:** yeah? you stuck or something?

**TheHand:** aaahhh no

**TheHand:** I mean I need some real life advice

**CrazyDiamond:** uh oh

**CrazyDiamond:** you good?

**TheHand:** yeah!

**TheHand:** yeah no it’s not like sad shit this time

**CrazyDiamond:** what did you get yourself into -_-

There was a long pause.

**TheHand:** oh god this is gonna sound so stupid

**CrazyDiamond:** uh huh???

**TheHand:** I think I’m in a love triangle

Josuke’s chest tightened like there was a vacuum between his organs.

**CrazyDiamond:** oh

**CrazyDiamond:** oh?

**CrazyDiamond:** and you’re telling me this…. why?

**TheHand:** because I need help!

**TheHand:** I don’t know what to do or who to choose

**TheHand:** god it’s so dumb

**CrazyDiamond:** lol no it isn’t

There was a lull, during which Josuke could feel how dry his mouth was.

**CrazyDiamond:** well come on! spit it out! I can’t give you advice if I don’t know who you’re crushing on

**TheHand:** ok

**TheHand:** so one guy I was rude to for a long time because he Awakened something in me and I didn’t know how to deal with it

**CrazyDiamond:** omfg

**CrazyDiamond:** awakened???

**TheHand:** BRO YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND HE IS SO HOT

**TheHand:** HE IS SO PRETTY

**TheHand:** I was like. SHIT??? I CAN LIKE DUDES TOO???

**CrazyDiamond:** ahhhh I see I see

**TheHand:** and we were like rivals!! but I actually got to talking to him and he’s fucking awesome

**CrazyDiamond:** enemies to lovers, huh?

**TheHand:** STOPPPP don’t say it like that it sounds so embarrassing D:

**TheHand:** but yeah I guess

**TheHand:** the thing is though he puts on airs and stuff and I had a crush on that part of him but like now???

**TheHand:** I know him better now and now I know all this stuff about him that he doesn’t really show and I’m in it even deeper

**TheHand:** god I can barely even type this out it’s so embarrassing

**TheHand:** I got it so bad

**CrazyDiamond:** damn bitch yeah you do!

**CrazyDiamond:** never seen you take so long to type out a sentence

**TheHand:** aagh shut up I know

**CrazyDiamond:** ok…. so who’s the other guy?

The Hand took a far, far longer pause this time, so long that Josuke checked to make sure his own computer wasn’t lagging out.

**TheHand:** the other guy I’ve known for a while. we’re really good friends and he’s just super nice and supportive and funny and I think I’ve been in love with him for a long time. we have a lot of the same interests and we spend a lot of time together

**TheHand:** I genuinely don’t know how I could live without him and I’m scared if I tell him I like him he’ll leave me

**TheHand:** he feels like home

**CrazyDiamond:** oh shit 

**CrazyDiamond: **that is a serious phrase right there

**TheHand:** yeah

**TheHand:** yeah I know

**TheHand:** and I really really mean it

Another torturous pause, teetering, expectant, like Josuke was supposed to say something. He didn’t know what.

**TheHand:** I don’t know what to do

**TheHand:** I really like both of them I’m having a crisis ;_;

**CrazyDiamond:** well fuck man I don’t know!

**CrazyDiamond:** I don’t think that’s the kind of decision I can make for you

**TheHand:** bro come on!

**CrazyDiamond:** you have some serious feelings and I don’t think I should get a say in it!

**CrazyDiamond:** that’s a lot of pressure man

**TheHand:** I’m sorry

**CrazyDiamond:** no no it’s ok

**CrazyDiamond:** both options sound pretty great so I don’t think you can make a bad decision

**CrazyDiamond:** I mean… you could always just go with both

**CrazyDiamond:** in like an honest way not cheating you know

**TheHand:** idk I never saw myself as a poly kinda guy 

**TheHand:** just not for me I guess :(

**CrazyDiamond:** eh me either just thought I’d throw it out there

**CrazyDiamond:** shit man I don’t have any useful ideas then

**CrazyDiamond:** I guess all I can say is good luck U_U

**TheHand:** well thanks for nothing >:(

**CrazyDiamond:** :(

**CrazyDiamond:** sorry

**TheHand:** ugh it’s whatever just don’t tell anyone or I’ll snap your neck

**CrazyDiamond:** lol okeey :)

And with that, Josuke returned to his tasks. He clicked wheat, he gathered seeds, he planted a new crop, and then he did it again. And then he was done. The whole field had been cleared and his whole body was numb. He had barely registered clearing the place, but he found it done. The clock said ten minutes had passed, but he didn’t believe it. He just stared at the screen and breathed.

**CrazyDiamond:** oh shit I forgot I have a boatload of homework

**CrazyDiamond:** I should probably get some done before I go to bed since our plans fell through anyway

**TheHand:** ok

**TheHand:** smell ya later

**CrazyDiamond:** bye :)

Josuke closed the game and stood up from his chair. He absently walked over to his bed and fixed the misaligned sheets. His next exhale surprised him with the way it shook.

He almost laughed at himself. Was he really this worked up about some boy on Minecraft? They didn’t know each other’s names, they didn’t know each other’s faces, so why in the world did Josuke let himself get so wrapped up in playing house with him? It was a video game. It was fake, and there was no way he was going to get bent out of shape over his virtual friend liking someone else. He wasn’t going to let himself do that.

_ But you love him, _ he thought. _ You’re in love with him and that’s not something you can measure in chunks and biomes. It’s real, you’re real, he’s real, and he loves someone else. It doesn’t matter if you don’t want to hurt, because you do. You are on fire. _

He pushed the thought out of his head as fast as it had burst in, but it was too late. The hole the thought left in his brain was already letting everything in. It was all too much. He slumped onto his bed and lay there, and for the first time in his life he could feel the flames lick at his skin. He had never not had emotions, but only now was he letting them off their leash. And he hated it. They bubbled through him like festering sludge and threatened to collapse his chest. As much as he wanted to, he couldn’t ignore them anymore. He couldn’t dump them at the base of the pyre and let them burn, because if the flames burned any hotter it would kill him. He tried, he really tried, but he couldn’t stop himself from crying.

He didn’t do his homework.


	10. Chapter 10

Josuke managed to drag himself out of bed in the morning. He was fine, but not the kind of fine he was used to. The flood of emotion that had overtaken him had stopped, but something was busted inside him. The damage wasn’t something that would heal overnight. There was no going back to ignoring everything, no pretending it was all going to pass. But the ropes that held him down were still in place, untouched. He couldn’t find the words to say to his mom, he couldn’t find the words to say to his friends, and he certainly couldn’t begin to articulate his feelings to Okuyasu. Everything was tangled up together in a shapeless, senseless knot.

But he had a party to crash. He had a party to crash and a friend to hang out with and he could untangle it later. It was a terrible idea to do so, but even though he knew he couldn’t keep everything down anymore, he still tried. Old habits die hard, as they say, and Josuke felt like his particular habit of sparing other people from the burden of his own emotions would die with him.

But he had a party to crash.

Okuyasu dropped by his house before they were set to leave. The doorbell rang as Jouske was grabbing his jacket from its hanger. It was supposed to be an oddly cold night for the zenith of summer, and that notion was confirmed when Josuke opened the door to let the cool evening air in. Okuyasu stood just outside and greeted him with a grin.

“Woah, cool jacket bro! Where’d you get all those patches?”

Josuke looked down at the patches instinctively. “Oh, actually, I made these.”

Okuyasu’s jaw dropped as his mind was thoroughly boggled. “What!? Seriously?”

“Yeah. I have hobbies outside of sucking at video games and school, you know.”

“I mean I figured, but damn… those rule.” Okuyasu laughed. “Think you could make me one?”

“They don’t come cheap, bro.” It was a lie. Josuke would make Okuyasu as many patches as he could ever want, free of charge, but he wasn’t going to tell him that. He stepped out of the house and closed the door behind him. Okuyasu gave him just a little bit too much space for comfort. The weird vibes were still there, and Josuke could tell Okuyasu was trying to mask them. His attempts were only making it worse. His grin was forced, his stance too staged to be actually relaxed. It was like the air itself was sitting too close to the edge of a table, like something delicate was about to spill from one of them and shatter against the ground.

And as usual, Josuke tried to ignore it. It was much, much harder than before. The sticky feeling he’d had was replaced by the same burning from the night before, this time slightly sedated.

But he had a party to crash!

The walk to the event was about 15 minutes. It was at the house of some guy named Yuya Fungami. Josuke vaguely remembered him from his first year of high school. Yuya had been a third year, and thus hadn’t really interacted with Josuke. But lord, were the ladies into him. Josuke had never seen the appeal. He was kinda handsome, kinda nice, a whole lot of kindas and mehs. Besides, he already had three entire girlfriends and hadn’t been interested in anyone else. Josuke wondered if he was still with them. And come to think of it, were the girlfriends dating each other too? Eh, it wasn’t really his business, and frankly, he didn’t want to think too hard about the affairs of a notorious foot fetishist (Yuya), so he let it go.

Josuke wasn’t too sure about the etiquette of crashing a party where the door wasn’t busted off its hinges, so he and Okuyasu stood awkwardly at the threshold for a moment before Josuke rang the bell. Okuyasu glanced at him dubiously. Josuke shrugged. They stood for a good moment longer, listening to the muffled music sneak through the wood. Josuke recognized it vaguely as some upbeat, but somewhat unsettling American new wave song.

_ You worry too much, you make yourself sad _

_ You can't change fate, but don't feel so bad _

_ Enjoy it while you can _

_ It's just like the weather _

_ So quit complaining, brother _

_ No one lives forever! _

Soon enough, the door opened to reveal a party that was off the chain, but not so far detached from the governing laws of humanity that the attendees were busting holes in the drywall like what happened at Hazamada’s. And standing in the door to greet them was none other than Yuya himself.

“Woah, woah, woah,” he said, holding up a hand to block their entrance. He sniffed the air and narrowed his eyes at them. “I can smell a high schooler from a mile away. What are you toddlers doing here?”

Josuke and Okuyasu looked at each other, taken off guard by the question. They had kind of expected to just waltz right in, but it seemed Yuya didn’t remember them from high school at all. Finally, Okuyasu’s tongue was untied. “My brother goes to the same school as you and I overheard him talking about his classmates throwing a party?”

“Brother?”

“Nijimura.”

Yuya frowned. “That dick? You aren’t exactly selling yourself as a viable party asset right now, kid.” He turned to Josuke. “You look familiar though. Have I seen you before?”

“Uh,” Josuke scratched his face, “I was a first year when you were a third.”

“Name?” 

“Higashikata.”

“You aren’t related to a Tomoko Higashikata are you?”

Josuke raised an eyebrow. “Yeah, that’s my mom.”

Yuya laughed and gave Josuke a slap on the arm. “Ey! Your MILF’s my sister’s teacher!”

Well that was a word Josuke had never heard before. “M-my MILF?”

Yuya ignored Josuke’s confusion and continued. “Alright kid, you’re good in my book.” He turned back to Okuyasu. “But your brother sucks so you’re on thin ice.”

Okuyasu nodded robotically, clearly somewhat embarrassed about his douchey relative. “Uh. Yes sir.”

Yuya moved aside to let them through, and they entered the house. “Oh, and don’t drink any alcohol. I don’t need the cops on my ass _ again _.” He walked away to rejoin the party and, presumably, his three girlfriends. Josuke leaned toward Okuyasu.

“Bro, what the _ fuck _ is a MILF?”

“I… I don’t know.”

They looked at each other with confusion and concern, then turned and entered the party. It was going to be wild.

Hopefully.

What did they come for otherwise?

* * *

It was pretty wild! It was pretty wild and they had a blast. Drunk college students were incredibly fun to observe, and between the heated matches of foosball and Yuya’s admittedly impressive DDR cabinet, Josuke and Okuyasu found themselves eavesdropping on all the batshit conversations that went on around them. They saw a guy eat a hot wing off the floor, also. It was awesome, certainly more enjoyable than the mosh pits their peers usually caused. Josuke actually did manage to forget the weird vibes. He managed to put all thoughts about cube-based video games to the back of his mind and have a nice time. 

So now he sat out on the back porch with Okuyasu, just chilling, vibing, watching the light polluted clouds pass across the dark sky and sipping on a bottle of water. People sat on the grass further out in the yard while Pink Floyd’s  _ Shine On You Crazy Diamond _ floated through the air from inside the house. The atmosphere was calm, the wind gentle, and Josuke was at ease. So was Okuyasu. Rather than the resting half-frown he usually wore, he looked obliviously at the clouds with an equally oblivious smile. 

Oh god he was cute. Josuke needed him to stop. “What are you smirking for?” It came off a bit ruder than he’d intended.

“Huh? Oh, um.” Okuyasu blushed a bit, not seeming to register Josuke’s tone. “Just something funny that happened yesterday.”

“Mhm?”

“Yeah.”

Josuke raised an eyebrow. “Well?”

“Well… what?”

“Are you gonna let me in on it?”

Okuyasu sighed and looked away. “Ok, so I know it’s a kid’s game, but I play a lot of Minecraft. And yesterday, me and my friend were fighting this guy with a-”

“HEY! I know you!” The loud, tipsy voice came from behind Josuke and cut Okuyasu off. Josuke turned to see three douchey looking college kids swaggering towards them, a troubling grin plastered on the leader’s face. No one who grinned like _ that _ had anything nice on their mind. This was going to go nowhere good.

“I know you!” The leader repeated, drawing closer and fixing his gaze on Okuyasu. “From middle school! You’re that Nijimura girl!”

_ Nowhere good. _

Okuyasu grimaced, then laughed loudly. “I think you got the wrong guy, buddy.”

“No, no, no. I’d know those baseball-lookin-ass scars anywhere!” The douchebro continued as Josuke glanced at Okuyasu out of the corner of his eye. The douchebro laughed. “You’re the one slow girl who ate chalk and put nightcrawlers in the school lunches that one time! That was so fucked up!”

Okuyasu glared up at them, gripping the arm of his chair, clearly having to physically restrain himself from losing his mind on them. Josuke glanced between Douchebro #1 and Okuyasu, mouth ajar, eyebrows teetering on the brink of crashing down. Something inside him cracked.

“Oi,” he said, rising from his chair, “slow? Okuyasu is a dipshit, but _ you _don’t get to say it, fucker.”

It was Okuyasu’s turn to glance between the two others. Douchebro #1 tilted his head and leaned in closer to Josuke. “Who asked you, pompadour?”

“OHO. OH. WHAT WAS THAT NOW?” Josuke’s blood pressure immediately skyrocketed and he tossed his water bottle violently to the ground. Water splashed across the shoes of the douchebros, much to their chagrin. “Not only are you talkin' shit about my friend, you have a problem with my hair? Would you like to file a complaint with the knuckle sandwich in HR?”

Okuyasu jumped up, sweating bullets. “Heyeyey. Josuke! It’s not a huge deal!”

“What? You don’t want these guys to get their shit kicked back into their asses?”

“I don’t want _ you _ to get your shit kicked!” Okuyasu hissed and grabbed Josuke’s arm. "C'mon man, it's really fine. I wasn’t _ out _ in middle school. It’s just a misunderstanding."

Something snapped inside Josuke. He yanked his arm out of Okuyasu's grasp. "I don't care if you care! I care! If these dicks  _ really _ can’t tell things are different now, then I’m a fucking astrophysicist! You can go ahead and sit there and take it like a coward but I'm not gonna let these bastards badmouth you! Or my hair!"

Okuyasu frowned in anger. "I'm not a coward. I just thought maybe we could have a fun time together without it spiraling into complete goddamn chaos! I thought this maybe wouldn't end in us almost getting maimed or finding a corpse for the third time! But if you wanna start shit, then fuck it! I'll start shit." He turned away from Josuke, still frowning, and stepped toward Douchebro #1. "I am not a coward." Before the guy could react, Okuyasu grabbed the beer bottle right out of his hand and drew it back. "And I'm not a fucking girl!" With that, he swung the bottle at Douchebro #1's head. Douchebros 2 and 3 gasped in surprise, and #1 collapsed. It was a one-hit KO. Josuke’s mouth fell open.

Okuyasu crouched next to the unconscious douche. "Real men eat school supplies, idiot!" He poured the dregs of beer from the bottle onto the douche's head.

Josuke stood, stunned. He knew Okuyasu had impulse issues, as evidenced by the time he Josuke’s shitty third party controller multiple times while playing Mario Tennis, but this was a vindictive side he'd never seen.

… It was kinda… well… _ wow _.

Okuyasu stood up and flipped the bottle in his hand, then pointed it at the two other douchebros. "Anyone else? Anyone else?"

Douchebro #3 dropped to his knees to make sure his friend wasn't dead. #2 stood in shock for a second, then came for Okuyasu's life. He blocked Okuyasu's swing and popped him one directly in the bridge of his nose. Okuyasu shouted in pain as Josuke fell on Douchebro #2 like a plague. #3 stood up and started swinging at Okuyasu. Neither of them expected Josuke to be so fast. He landed punches almost quicker than Douche 2 could register them. He was on a roll until Douche 3 took him from behind and grabbed a fistfull of popmadour.

_ A grave mistake had been made. _

Everything was a blur, and then it wasn't, and Josuke was being forcefully pulled off a writhing Douchebro #3 by Okuyasu. The guy was bloodied hairline to collarbone and a tooth lay on the ground next to him.

"FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU." Josuke was barely aware of the string of expletives coming out of his own mouth as he tried to thrash out of Okuyasu's arms. He was seeing red, then he was seeing blue, then red again.

"BRO WE GOTTA GO. SOMEONE CALLED THE COPS." Okuyasu pinned Josuke's arms to his side and lifted him into the air, carrying him backwards. Josuke quit his thrashing but continued his screaming.

"HOW'S IT FEEL, DICKHEADS? HOW'S IT FEEL TO GET YOUR ASSES HANDED TO YOU BY A COUPLE OF TEENAGE POOFS? HUH? FUCK YOU! I HOPE YOUR DICK FALLS OFF." Josuke's feet touched the ground again and he stumbled alongside Okuyasu, who still had to pull him away by the arm. They ran toward the back fence and hastily climbed it. The lights and sirens of the police cars faded into the distance as they sprinted down the empty streets.

They ran until the backs of their throats were raw from the cool air and their legs began to burn. They stopped to rest in between the glow of the buzzing streetlights. Okuyasu sat down on the curb, holding his side. Josuke panted, hands on his knees. He put a hand to his completely ruined hair, feeling the way it sat in broken, shapeless strands, took a deep breath, and laughed.

“I’m at my fucking limit man,” he said, his laugh turning into a wheeze. “I’m going off the deep end. I have crossed the event horizon and I can’t-” He straightened out and shook the tar out of his fingers. “I can’t do this shit anymore, dude. I can’t be here like- like _ this _. I’m gonna go insane if I have to spend one more second-”

“Then don’t. Let’s leave.”

Josuke looked down at Okuyasu in confusion. Okuyasu cracked his broken nose back into place.

“Let’s jet. I’ve got a motorcycle with a full tank of gas back home and nothing that would miss me. Let’s go.” He swayed to his feet and grabbed Josuke’s shoulders with a slap and a hysterical laugh. “Let’s run away together.”


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This tiny love has spoken  
And bigger hearts get broken  
Oh, tiny love
> 
> So small that you can't find us  
The world revolves around us  
Oh, tiny love
> 
> This kind of love, it can't be no other way  
One kind of love blows the other ones away  
Sometimes it's tough, others think we're acting strange  
But it's our kind of love, our kind of love

The wind blew back the road behind them and ripped apart what remained of Josuke’s pompadour. The fields outside of town slowly transformed into wooded areas, and then full blown forests, but Josuke wasn’t watching them. His face was tilted skyward, to where the stars poked through the wispy clouds, growing in number as the light pollution faded. His arms were wrapped loosely around Okuyasu’s waist. Neither of them wore helmets, and they took the highway far faster than they should have, but neither cared. Josuke closed his eyes and pulled himself closer to Okuyasu. He buried his face in Okuyasu’s denim Jacket and breathed in the mildew and old tobacco until the bike slowed down and Okuyasu pulled a sharp left. There was no sticky feeling this time, no regret or shame. He was too tired for that, too tired for anything other than escape.

They took the road uphill slowly, slowly, until they stopped in the vaguely familiar clearing. Josuke’s hands lingered just a bit too long before he dismounted from the bike, and the two of them started on their way up the trail.

Josuke pulled his arms into his shirt and maneuvered his bra up and over his head, through his shirt. He then shoved it into his back pocket and zipped up his jacket.

“Um.”

“What?”

“Oh, uh, nothing.” Okuyasu picked at the front of his own shirt, tearing off compact balls of lint and flicking them to the forest floor. “You just- I mean, I don’t know.”

Josuke shook his head. “I’m tired, man. And if we’re going feral now, the first step is to go tits out, I think.” He looked back over his shoulder at Okuyasu, but it was too dark to read his expression. “No one’s gonna see us anyway. ‘Sides maybe Toyohiro, but what’s he gonna do?”

Okuyasu laughed. “Hatecrime us, maybe.”

“Bro, you seriously think that’d happen?”

“Nah. I don’t know. I guess… you wouldn’t think less of me?”

“The fuck? No. Of course not. Very few things could make me think less of you, man. And how much you pass at any given moment definitely is not a factor."

Okuyasu crossed his arms in thought. He shrugged, then tried to mimic Josuke’s maneuver. He couldn’t manage it, and Josuke looked away to allow him to depressurize in a more traditional manner. He watched the parallax of the transmission tower to their right until the rustling of denim ceased.

Josuke looked back again. “Ok?”

“Yeah.” Okuyasu fastened the last button on his jacket. “Yeah. I think… sorry if this is corny, but when I’m with you I feel better.”

Okuyasu probably couldn’t see Josuke’s smile. “Glad I can help.”

Okuyasu looked down at the hazardous path, face still obscured in shadow. Then he picked up the pace to walk closer to Josuke. “Is anyone helping you, though?”

Josuke blinked at him and slowed his pace. “What?”

Okuyasu scratched his head, and there might have been a grimace on his face. “You’re always talking about what other people feel, and you always do things that make other people happy. You’re always worried about what other people think. What about you? You act like you’re fine but I don’t believe you.”

“Why wouldn’t I be ok?”

“You said you aren’t afraid of dying, but I think you should be.”

Josuke slowed even more. More and more, until he reached a standstill. He stared into the dark in front of them and tried to recall that ancient conversation. He said nothing.

“It’s like you want to fix everything except yourself.”

Josuke looked back at Okuyasu. Even in the dark, their proximity made Okuyasu’s face visible, and it was one of genuine concern. Josuke blinked again. “I don’t know, I guess. I don’t think I’m ok, but…” he shoved his balled-up fists in his pockets and looked away. “I don’t really know what that means. I haven’t thought about it until now.”

“Oh.” They were quiet for a while longer. The stagnant air was thick around them, and it was hard to get words through it. Okuyasu began to raise his hand, then thought better of whatever gesture he was about to enact. He, too, put his hands in his pockets, then he continued down the path. Josuke followed.

They continued in silence, up to the tower, then back down. Down, down, down, until they were stumbling down a slope next to a pond that reflected the full moon perfectly on its stagnant surface. They stripped off their shoes and rolled up their pants before stepping into the low reeds. Josuke fished around in the cold water and came away with a handful of flat stones. He offered one to Okuyasu. Okuyasu wound up, and hurled the stone across the surface of the pond, warping the moon and stars with each skip the stone landed.

“Nice.” Josuke weighed a stone in his hand before sending it spinning across the pond. “Hey, so, um. Did you actually eat chalk in middle school?”

Okuyasu scoffed, then raised a hand as a request for Josuke to toss him a rock. Josuke tossed one. Okuyasu fumbled it, and it splashed into the water at his feet. He swore under his breath and frantically plunged his hands into the water after it. After a moment, he straightened up and triumphantly showed the stone to Josuke. “Yeah.”

“What? Really?”

“Yeah.”

“Why?”

Okuyasu wound up again, and sent the rock skipping into the moonlight. “I liked the way it crumbled. And it’s pretty colors.” He shrugged. “There’s probably something wrong with me.”

“That’s impossible.” Josuke’s next stone skated across the pond’s surface until it buried itself in the silt on the far shore.

And so it went. The two of them took turns wordlessly rippling the heavens. The starlight shone on them from all directions and the air weighed heavy on them with cicada buzzing. The ashes at Josuke’s feet dissolved into the pond along with the tar that coated his insides, and something new flowed into him.

“We aren’t actually staying out here, are we?” It was more of a statement than a question. His stone skipped three times before sinking.

“I don’t think so.” Okuyasu took his time picking out his next rock. “I think I was wrong before. I think I do have someone who would miss me.” His stone bounced across the water like a rabbit and landed on the far shore. “And I’d miss a lot of things.”

Josuke hummed in agreement as he threw his next stone. Five skips this time, just short of the other side. “I’m sure my mom is worried sick right now.” He laughed softly. “I’m such a shit son.”

Okuyasu didn’t respond, but he didn’t take another rock. He just looked out over the pond. His chest rose and fell slowly, and he picked at one of the buttons on his jacket. “What do you think we’re here for, man? Like, what’s the point?”

Josuke let a stone slip from between his fingers. The rest followed with a disjointed splash. “I don’t think there is one. Cosmic dance, remember? It just sucks.”

Okuyasu considered for a moment. “I dunno man. I thought so too at first, but now I think maybe it’s pretty awesome. We’re all dancing, and the song is gonna end eventually, so why not just go crazy? It’s about the journey, I think.”

“Maybe you’re right. Maybe it’s about the steps. My steps are pretty shitty though.”

“Ditto. I feel like I’m waltzing with three people at once at a fancy ball while wearing crocs and basketball shorts. And no one ever taught me how to dance.”

“Waltzes suck anyway.” Josuke absently stared at the reflected moon, watching it ripple with each bug that landed on the stagnant water. “I don’t wanna dance anymore. I wanna run around in the woods and roll in the dirt. Maybe scream for a while. And if anyone tries to tell me my dance sucks I’d just kick their ass. No one to tell me what to do, just me and a place I can call home.”

“You’re so much like him.”

It was barely audible over the cicada cries. Josuke looked at Okuyasu. “Who?”

“Oh,” Okuyasu put his hands in his pockets, “just some guy I know on Minecraft.” A smile fell over his face at the thought of his friend. “He wants to run away too. He said he wanted me and him to build a path all the way to the end of the world. We’d cover it in flowers and leaves, and at the end of it all we would make a home where no one can reach us. No one to tell us what to do or where to build, and-”

“And physics wouldn’t work, but it would be ok if you were there. And it might take a lifetime but we’d get there. Just you and me and fuck everything else.” Josuke’s heart jumped into this throat as he finished the phrase. He froze. Okuyasu stared at him, mouth agape. _Holy fucking shit._

“How- how do-” Okuyasu’s jaw moved with the words that jammed in his throat.

Josuke pointed at Okuyasu. “You’re The Hand.” Okuyasu’s head continued to explode. Josuke pointed at himself. “I- I’m Crazy Diamond!”

Okuyasu’s head reconfigured itself and he picked his jaw up off the ground. Almost immediately after he calmed himself down, he reentered crisis mode and buried his face in his hands. “Oh fuck. Oh shit oh shit oh shit.” Josuke stepped toward him in concern. This was a good thing, wasn't it? What was he…

“Oh my god.” The realization struck Josuke like lightning. The Hand - Okuyasu - had been talking about _ him _ . His thoughts went haywire, and only one coherent one surfaced. _ He thinks I’m pretty. _ His face stretched into a lopsided smile. “You were talking about me. You’re a fucking tsundere!” Okuyasu groaned and gripped his face harder. Josuke was speechless, but only for a second. His expression fell. “Wait! Wait. Who’s the other guy?”

Okuyasu threw his hands out to the side in exasperation. “YOU! You Crazy Diamond! It was you Josuke and you Crazy Diamond! I can’t believe- this is- I was dropping so many hints, dude!" He ended his sentence with a shout of frustration and an attempt to strangle the air. Even in the dim light, his blush was clear as day.

Josuke once again froze, buffering. _ He thinks I feel like home. _ A laugh snuck out of him. It crescendoed as one side of his mouth turned up, followed by the other. He keeled over and gripped his decimated hair as the laughter rocked his whole body. They'd come so close so many times. How the fuck did it take them _this long_ to figure it out? The whole thing… it was all too much. He’d heard of the red string of fate, but what kind of cat’s cradle was destiny playing with them?

Okuyasu pressed the heels of his hands into his eyes and turned away. He tilted his head back and tried in vain to suppress the tears that were starting to build up in him. “Dude, it’s not fucking funny!” He said through gritted teeth.

“No no no! Oh my god.” Josuke sloshed over to Okuyasu and spun him back around. “I’m not laughing at you! It’s just - oh my god - we’ve both been in love with the same person twice.” He gently pulled Okuyasu’s hands away from his face. Okuyasu blinked at him.

“You… you’re fucking with me.”

“I could think of a thousand better ways to fuck with you,” Josuke laughed. He put his hands to Okuyasu’s face and wiped the already smudged tears off his cheeks. “I’ve been falling apart over you, bro. I’ve been burning up. I’ve had a crush on you since we raided our first nether fortress, and I’ve had a crush on _ you _ since- oh, god- do you remember that one time you got your tongue stuck to the fence the day before winter break?” 

“_ That’s _ what did it?!”

“I didn’t realize it at the time, but it was. It really was… You… I think you’re my home too.”

Okuyasu just stared at him while the stars glittered in his dark eyes, clueless as to how to respond to such a heavy phrase. He lifted his hands and placed his sweaty palms on Josuke’s cheeks. He pressed just slightly too hard in his nervousness, squishing Josuke’s lips into a pucker. “Can- can I? Uh, I mean, do you want me to?”

Josuke put a stop to Okuyasu’s stuttering by leaning in closer. Okuyasu only hesitated a second before closing the rest of the gap. Their faces met in a way that could be described as a kiss. Both of them were rigid and sweaty and terrified of what the other would think. But then Okuyasu’s grip on Josuke’s face loosened, and Josuke figured out what angle to tilt his head at, and everything slowly fell into place. The air around them buzzed - literally - and the water at their feet wavered, sending the stars into a frantic dance. They had crossed the event horizon. Their gravity was inescapable.

Josuke pulled back just a few centimeters to try and stop his spinning head. It all felt so right, a kind of right that he'd never fathomed he’d be able to feel. It was like something out of a dream. The insane coincidences of their meeting, the stars that enveloped them entirely, the buzzing air and the rustling leaves, Okuyasu’s hands on his back and his breath against his lips, the scaly, clawed appendage on his foot-

The.

The scaly-

Th

Josuke screamed and practically leapt out of the water. “TURTLE. REPTILE. MAYDAY MAYDAY.” The wake he left as he sprinted to shore was comparable to a speedboat. Okuyasu followed him a moment after, adding his own fake screams to Josuke’s very real ones. They scooped their discarded footwear off the ground and scrambled up the slope. Barefoot, they ran back to the transmission tower, screaming and cackling the whole way.

“Every time!” Okuyasu shouted. “There’s always something!” Josuke laughed and threw his arm around Okuyasu’s shoulders. They both stumbled a bit. Stray twigs jammed themselves into their feet, but they didn’t care.

“There’s always something!” Josuke agreed, and pulled Okuyasu into another kiss. He nearly had vertigo by the time they separated. 

Josuke tripped his way over to the canvas tent near the base of the tower where a stereo was, the one Mikitaka had used the previous weekend. He hooked up his phone and pressed shuffle. A sudden, shifting buzzing came from the speakers, followed by a bright guitar chord. Josuke nodded his head to the calm beat with a smirk. Not exactly the most romantic song possible, but it would do.

_ I feel knotted up today _

_ But in a most exquisite way _

_ Like neckties or like macramé _

_ Bowlines and zeppelin bends _

Josuke stepped forward and gave an exaggerated bow to Okuyasu as the goofy music played. “May I have this dance?”

Okuyasu closed the distance once again and offered his hand. “Bro, you can have them all.”

_ If you were a theremin _

_ I wouldn’t know where to begin _

_ My hands would stay here on my chin _

_ With a hum that never ends _

Josuke took Okuyasu’s hand and drew him closer. They struggled for a second to find the right position for a slow dance. Their fingers knotted together at the wrong angles, their hands moved indecisively, clusmily, but it was fine. They had all night to figure it out. And they’d need it. They tried their first step, and already they were tripping over each other. The twigs kept digging into them. Only one of Josuke’s pant legs remained rolled up, and they could barely see the log seats around the fire pit. They haphazardly stumbled around in the dark, until, finally, they found a rhythm.

_ This suit doesn’t fit me _

_ I made it myself, counterfeitly _

_ With buttons of blue, killing me with déjà vu _

_ It’s a gift for you _

_ When I escape at last _

_ When enough time has passed _

_ But something keeps me as a pet _

_ The only house that’s not on fire yet _

They were going to go back eventually. They’d put their shoes back on, and they’d fix their hair, and maybe they’d even get arrested for assault when they got home. And before all that, they’d start up a fire to combat the cold. They’d dig around in the old, old camping supplies and make some likely-expired, definitely stale s’mores. They’d sit together, and let time march forward. But now, they danced. Each clumsy step brought them closer to the end of the song, and that was ok, because each step also brought them closer to where they wanted to be. The earth spun beneath them, the sky spun above them, and they drew closer and closer to the edge of the world. It wouldn’t be today, and it might not be tomorrow, but somehow, they were going to get there. They were going to dance until physics broke and the world shattered around them, until the stars went out and the universe froze over. They were going to be happy. It might take a lifetime, but they were off to a great start. 

After all, they’d already found home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Not pictured: Josuke and Okuyasu become Minecraft youtubers and make dudebro jokes about being gay for each other. Everyone thinks it really is a joke until they get gaymarried IRL.)
> 
> (Hey, look at this. https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLUH96qO9T8KNWOmshUrxj4PRTgp_I0AW8)
> 
> The only thing I have to say for myself is that I'm sorry for writing 40k words of Minecraft angst, I'm sorry the first few chapters fell so heavily on cliches, and I'm sorry that I made the last chapter notes song lyrics like some kind of 12 year old. Honestly, I'm not sure if this was as good as DDC (and I don't know if anything I make will ever be as good as DDC lol). But you know what, it was fun for me, and I hope it was fun for you.
> 
> As for the future of JJHGM, I'm in college rn so I probably won't have much time to write, sadly. I do have some very good ideas though, so I won't definitively end the series quite yet. I have plans for a Gamer Cinematic Universe, but I'm bound to the whims of art school and my ever-shifting motivation. I may post shorter DLC every once in a blue moon, but don't expect anything big for a while. So until then, sayonara, gamers.
> 
> Thank you for reading.


End file.
